For Now We Stand Alone
by Anectdote
Summary: Sometimes our emotions get the best of us. The events of a single night in Seattle re-shape the lives of multiple individuals including Captain Sig Hansen, a beautiful young woman and those they love.
1. Prologue: The Wedding

PROLOGUE: The Wedding

'I'm marrying the wrong person, I'm marrying the wrong person, I'm marrying the wrong person.' It was the only thought that went through her mind. Instead of thoughts of a happy future, starting a family, and being in love, dread was the only thing that her mind was capable of recognizing. She tried to smile for the cameras, for her family, for his family... And then she saw him. Her fake smile eased into a sad, sorrowful smile. But just for a fleeting moment. Nobody could know. He'd know, though. He always knew. 'And,' she thought to herself, 'he will always know.' The flashes of the cameras were blinding, the musicians effortlessly performing Trumpet Voluntary were deafening, and her mouth was dry. Her hands were shaking. This was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. Not but twelve hours ago she was in the biggest fight of her life; it was not with her husband to be.

It was with him. She felt his eyes staring at her. Quickly, she glanced over to him as she was parallel to the row he sat in. His wife's hand was locked in his and tears were in her eyes. She was clueless. She had been for the past three years. His stare was cold, uncaring and unforgiving. He didn't want her to marry him.

What was she to do? Spend the rest of her life single, answering to his every beck and call? Have a lover only during the summer months? She thought this was the right thing to do. Marrying a man in this line of work would serve multiple purposes: It would ensure her a comfortable lifestyle, she could live in Washington -- no more summer visits!, and she could see him whenever she pleased. It was an easy way out. True, she'd be living in a lie for the rest of her life, but what other choice did she have? She knew her future husband would make a fine mate. He was caring, sweet, gentle. The opposite of... Everything she was used to. Everything she wanted.

Her march to the altar was over. She looked at her future husband. Jake Anderson took a deep breath out as he reached for Ava's hand. He pulled her closer for a bit. That simple act put yet another rock between Ava and him - she could still feel him staring. Jake was the perfect way to ensure her affair with one of his best friends and mentors could continue. She didn't want to hurt him - he was the very definition of a gentleman. But, if his wife hadn't found out in three years, then neither would Jake.

"Who gives this woman?" the priest's voice shook Ava from her deep reverie.

She heard a single clearing of a throat. And a slight cough.

"I do," her father stated. She was then whisked up two small steps to the top of the altar.

The ceremony was like a dream. They each recited their vows - traditional, of course. She wasn't about to write lies. Better to repeat the safest words in order to be sure to go through with the wedding.

How could Jake not know? How could he not see the fear and sadness in her eyes? Feel her hands shaking? He must have thought it was from the mere thought of actually getting married. They'd been officially "dating" for a little over a year.

And their dating was all HIS fault! He insisted that she and Jake spend time together. He thought it would be good for all three of them. Too bad it backfired in his and Ava's face. Jake fell head over heals in love with Ava. He knew it right away -- the puppy dog eyes when she was around, constantly calling her and checking his phone. She was distant at first, but grew to care about him. Perhaps even deep down inside she loved him.

But she didn't love him like she loved him. Not even close.

"Do you, Ava O'Hara take Jake Anderson to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

She cleared her throat. When she spoke, the first syllable was a bit choked back. "I, I do." She smiled at him and then scanned her eyes towards the crowd. She swept over the entire congregation before the fell on him. His lips were tight. His eyes, angrier. If she'd go to bed with him tonight, he'd be extra controlling. Angry. Take it out on her body and give her exactly what she wanted.

"Do you, Jake Anderson take Ava O'Hara to be our lawfully wedded wife?"

Jake smiled at her. The smile that melted thousands of hearts across America. "I do."

The rest of the words were a blur. She saw Jake lean in to kiss her. Seal their marriage. Barely, she kissed him back and smiled weakly at him.

They turned to the crowd as the priest introduced them for the first time as a married couple. She looked at him again. Mixed with the anger for the briefest of moments was... Sadness? Impossible. But... The way the slate blue softened had to be something more than anger.

The quartet started up again as Jake and Ava Anderson strode down the aisle. This time, she didn't look at him. Not while his wife was kissing him.

Jake and Ava were now saying their thank-yous for coming, support, love, and everything else under the sun. Ava was holding her breath each time, not daring to see when he'd be there. She didn't know what he'd say, what she'd say, what Jake would say to his mentor.

All the while, she couldn't help but thinking that this was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. It was anything but. She couldn't think of anything but him. He consumed her life from day one. Now, she'd have to valiantly try to rescue herself in order to live happily ever after. Somewhat.

Deep down inside, she knew it was going to be impossible.

"Sig!" Jake shouted. He let go of Ava's hand and gripped the captain in a tight hug. "Thank you so much for coming. This means the world to me and Ava. You've been like a father to me, Sig. Without you, we never would have met."

"I am so happy for you," Sig said with that big, almost yelling voice. He hugged Jake back, patting his back a few times before moving on to Ava.

Her heart felt as if it was going to fly out of her chest, land on the floor, and beg for Sig to step on it -- to put her out of her misery.

"Well, you're married. How does it feel?" he asked.

Ava wanted to throw herself at him. She wanted to grab the lapels of his black suit and run her hands through his hair. She knew what he'd taste like - cigarettes, the ocean and somewhere the slightest hint of chocolate. It was a mixture that made her drunk just by the thought.

"I've never been happier," Ava said flatly. Jake looked at her, confused. She'd faltered.

"You know... I'm sure Jake would have loved to been married on the Northwestern. As a captain, you could have performed that ceremony, right?"

Jake and Sig's wife burst out laughing. Ava and Sig had a way of joking and pushing each other's buttons in public. In public, they were each other's opposites: He, a serious, demanding man; she, a light-hearted carefree woman that never understood Sig's need for perfection. In private, they had an even better way of giving each other exactly what the other needed - physically, mentally and sometimes even emotionally.

Instead of a sly comeback, Sig enveloped her in a big hug. He put his lips to her ear. They brushed over the sensitive skin with ever syllable. "I could have performed much more on my ship for you... And you know exactly what I mean, Ava. In fact, I'm pretty sure you're imagining all the times I've had you in my wheelhouse right now. Have a happy honeymoon. Call me when you get back."

She blushed furiously. Another falter.

"Are you okay, Ava?" Jake asked.

Ava let out a laugh and rolled her eyes. "Sig just gave me a true sailor's vocabulary lesson on what's supposed to happen tonight."

"Sig!" his wife, Tara, shouted. Jake, on the other hand, blushed furiously.

Before they left, Ava cleared her throat. And coughed slightly. Sig spun around.

"Hey, Sig," she said softly, "Come here. I never thanked you properly. Without you, I wouldn't be married right now." She leaned in to hug him and now put her mouth to his ear. "I'll be thinking about you the entire time I'm away. I'm sure you'll be thinking of me, too."

"You got it!" he said with his wide smile.

"You coming, Sig?" Tara shouted from a few yards away.

"Will you be at the reception?" Ava asked quickly.

"For a while. Hey, Jake! Save me a dance with your old lady here and I'll let you have a dance with mine!" Sig joked.

Jake rolled his eyes now. "You got it, boss."

And just like he came into her life, he was gone. Ava was still staring at him as he retreated, his wife's hand resting on his back.

Jake pulled Ava close to him. "You know, Ava, without Sig we never would have met. I owe all of my happiness to him. You're everything to me. I love you so much."

The words tore her apart. Tears sprung to her eyes and several escaped. They weren't tears of happiness like Jake so innocently thought as he hugged her tighter. His words made her realize yet again what she had done. And what she would have to live with.

And Sig Hansen. Who she would continue to have to live without.


	2. Chapter 01: Hold On So Nervously

Author's Note: Under any circumstances would I ever assume or wish the following events of this story to happen in real life. I have an over-active imagination and I'd think a short novella about the "personal" lives of some of my favorite television stars was explored. Furthermore, my original character is NOT based on me or any people I know in real life. For your own imagination, I picture her looking like the Victoria's Secret model Karolina Kurkova. I have dabbed in modeling and being that she and I have the same nationality, I look up to her. Too, if this sort of story and plot makes you uneasy, I apologize. Please do not continue to read, as I feel that negative feedback is not necessary - however, I do like constructive criticism. This work of fiction will remain at a T rating. Sorry, folks, no graphic details. Okay, on with the story!

CHAPTER ONE: Hold On So Nervously

The bar was having its weekly karaoke night. It always attracted the young twenty-somethings, thirty year olds who were still "cool" to the scene, even the bar hopping forty-year olds. It was loud, the lights impossibly dim and most people were content to stay situated at the bar, small tables, or booths that bordered the large room. The Wasteland has attracted huge crowds ever since its opening just a few months ago. The alcohol was cheaper than surrounding bars, which made it a huge attraction.

Ava was sitting at the bar, beer in hand, cheering and laughing at the group of guys singing "Don't Bring Me Down" - a quintessential karaoke song. She was visiting some friends from high school, as they were now graduated and done with their four years of higher education.

Ava and her friends are originally from South Carolina. She'd only been out to Washington state to visit her friends once before. Now that school was done and a full-time job was on the horizon, she figured she should travel one more time.

One guy, James, waved her up on stage. Her face turned red as she quickly shook her head and pointed to her drink. This only made James wave at her even more, gaining the attention of the other guys on stage. During the break of the song, several shouted into the microphone to get her to come up with them.

"C'mon, Ava, you're here on vacation! Get your hot ass up here!" That was Brian.

People who were sitting around Ava were now pushing her to get up on stage.

"Go ahead, it's so much fun!" a bleach-blonded girl slurred, getting dangerously close to spilling her hot pink drink on Ava's beloved Coach handbag.

In order to get away from the drunk college girl, Ava jumped up out of her chair and reluctantly headed to the stage.

Brian handed her his microphone and ganged up with Peter and Eric, and together the five of them broke out into the chorus.

Before the song was even over, Ava's best friend Ashley walked into the bar - always fashionably late. Ashley knew how to make a grand entrance, though. Her hair was stick straight, her legs bared via her short mini skirt. Ashley took one look at Ava and practically ran to the stage to join her.

Together, the six of them completed their horrendously off-key rendition of a classic Electric Light Orchestra song.

Meanwhile, in the largest booth of the bar, the entire crew of the Fishing Vessel Northwestern was gathered, beers in hand, watching the stage and laughing at the antics of the much younger crowd. Edgar Hansen was begging his shipmates to join him on stage, but was getting no cooperation.

"Look, that chick went on stage! She's blushing like it's nobody's business, too. C'mon, Matt, go up with me and we'll sing any song you want. Not Michael Jackson, though."

Matt shook his head, taking a swig of his beer. "I'm perfectly content to just watching..."

Sig Hansen was sitting in the middle of the booth, Edgar and Matt to one side and Nick and Norman to the other. His stare was fixed on the tall, stunning blonde on stage singing a song that most twenty year olds wouldn't even know. The only thought that was going through his mind was how beautiful this woman was. He'd never been attracted to another female like this, with the exception of his Swedish wife Tara, of course. He and Tara knew each other since high school. But this girl -- Ava, as that one guy had called her -- had him in a trance.

Edgar looked over at his older brother. His lips were in a hard line, eyes squinted just slightly. He followed his line of sight - that girl.

"Hey, Sig, you might want to get a napkin. You're drooling."

Sig snapped out of his stare-fest to only shoot daggers at Edgar with his eyes. "What are you going on about now, Edgar?"

"You are totally checking that girl out who's up on stage. What would Tara think of that?"

The eldest Hansen waved his hand at Edgar, the conversation obviously being over with as far as he was concerned. He needed to get out of the sweltering booth and get air. He asked Norman and Nick to move, which they obliged to.

"Where are you going?!" Matt called.

Sig kept walking, past the bar, the stage, and out the door. All while glaring at Ava. Upon closer inspection, he discovered that she was a bit taller than he was, maybe by and inch or two. Her height was almost entirely made up of long, lean legs. She was wearing shorts with a silver halter top, obviously showing off her tan this early in the summer. She had blonde hair - natural, he noted. He couldn't see her eyes, however, which was a disappointment. Finally, he reached the door and stepped outside, lighting another cigarette instantly. Sig leaned against a brick wall and ran a hand through his own blonde hair.

'What's gotten into me?' he wondered. 'This is fucking insane.'

"Glad to see you made it!" Ava shouted with a smile as she hugged her best friend. "I was beginning to get worried about you. Is Tiffany coming, too?"

Ava got the bartender's attention and ordered another beer for her and Ashley's first.

"I'm not sure. She texted me about an hour ago and told me she was coming. Let's keep an eye on the door in case she shows up. So, what's new, graduate?!"

The girls quickly got caught up with the past semester of college. Ava talked about her graduation and Ashley showed off the engagement ring on her finger.

"Say, where is Brent?" James asked.

Ashley rolled her eyes before responding. "He's at his grandma's in Palm Beach. I'm flying to meet him in three days."

Ava was watching the door now, as James was asking a million questions about his best friend and Ashley's new fiance, Brent.

A few minutes later, the door opened and a man with blonde hair walked in. He was wearing a white button-up shirt with what Ava knew were designer jeans. They were too tailored and perfectly faded to be regular old Gap jeans. His eyes met hers and held the stare. His slate blue eyes bore into hers and her mouth opened just a bit. Ava knew he was older than she was, but there was something about this man and his light skin, blonde hair and blue eyes that held her attention. She followed him as he walked over to the booth. He commanded attention and respect. There was a certain air around him, and Ava found herself immediately attracted to him.

Ava did notice that a few people stopped to shake hands with him and one even got a picture with him.

"Hey!" Ava shouted over the music to Eric. "Do you know who that is?"

Eric glanced over and his eyes got really wide. "That's the crew from the Northwestern! They're on that fishing show on the Discovery Channel, Deadliest Catch. That's Sig Hansen in the middle. His brother Edgar is to his left and Matt and his other brother Norman is to his right and so is Nick. That's so cool they're here!"

"Let's dance!" Ashley shouted, arms raised in the air. "We graduated!"

Ava rolled her eyes at Ashley. "I've had enough embarrassment for one night, Ash. I'm just going to sit back here, okay."

"Suit yourself," shrugged Ashley.

The group of friends left Ava at the bar and started dancing with the already huge crowd on the dance floor. Karaoke hour was obviously over. She took this opportunity to scan the room to look for her mystery man, Mr. Sig Hansen, once again.

She found him, alright. Staring right back at her.

Unconsciously, she licked her lips and swallowed. Hard. His stare was terrifying but in the most seductive way.

"She's staring at you," noted Edgar. "I'm going to go ask her to dance."

Sig grabbed his younger brother's arm and pulled him down. "Are you fucking insane? You're married, too. You're not going to ask her to dance."

"Then I suggest you do," Matt said with a laugh. "She's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen."

The classic rock music that was playing for the karaoke portion of the night was faded into Top-40 hits, starting with a smash from the previous summer, Ava noted.

From across the room, she heard Ashley scream. "C'mon, Ava! You LOVE this song!"

Embarrassed once again, Ava finished her fourth beer of the night and joined her friends for a highly remixed version of "Paralyzer."

Peter pulled Ava towards him, her back facing his front and gripped her shoulders. She smiled back at him, shaking her head. The two of them swayed to the music. At first, Ava was conservative. She could feel Sig's eyes on her. After a minute, it didn't matter. The alcohol was coursing through her body and she opened her eyes to look right at Sig. She ran a hand through her hair before whipping her hips to the beat of the rock song, singing along the entire time.

"You've got an admirer," Eric whispered in her ear as he danced in front of Ava. "You should go say something to him."

"No way," Ava said quickly.

The song was winding down quickly as Eric moved away from her. Peter was holding her hips, hands running up and down her sides.

Sig was watching intently at that man touching this beautiful creature in front of him. He knew the song well. Edgar blasted it for a week straight while they were working on the boat, claiming it was the best new song ever -- which lasted for about a week until a new "best song ever" came out.

She was staring right back at him now, mouthing along with the lyrics. 'There's something about him,' she thought. 'He's absolutely gorgeous.'

The way he was staring at her, she knew he wanted her. Even if just for the night.

The way she was staring at him, he knew she wanted him. All he could give her was a night.

He couldn't let his wife and daughters find out.

How little Sig knew.

"I'm not paralyzed, but I seem to be struck by you

I wanna make you move because you're standing still

If your body matches what your eyes can do

You'd probably move right through me on my way to you"


	3. Chapter 02: Sights Set On You

CHAPTER TWO: Sights Set On You

Ava continued to dance with her friends, never once feeling guilty for glancing over at Sig from time to time. Of course, every time she glanced at him from behind the table, he was staring right back at her. She was entranced by him.

"I'm going to buy her a drink," Sig suddenly said. "I need to go ask her what she wants."

Edgar looked at his brother, a little bit of shock playing across his face. "Sig, you can't be serious. She's like, twenty-one, twenty-two at the very oldest. You're fucking insane now," he tried to reason with his brother.

Sig was hearing none of it, though. He had to talk to her. As he was approaching her, a million thoughts were running through his mind. Mostly, he was screaming in his head to turn back around, or even leave the bar all together. He had a wife and two daughters at home. He was crazy for even talking to someone who was probably half his age. Not even supermodels or famous actresses attracted him this much. He wanted to stare at her all night.

Meanwhile, on the dance floor, Peter continued to dance with Ava. He looked across her shoulder at the figure approaching her.

"Hey, I'm going to go back to the bar and get another drink, okay? I'll be back," he said quickly and disappeared into the crowd.

Ava turned around to find the rest of her group, but found herself face to face with none other than Sig Hansen. She blinked a few times before smiling at him.

There was a pause, an awkward silence.

"Captain Sig Hansen," he began with an outstretched hand. "And you are?"

She noted he had a slight accent, but she couldn't place it. His voice was smooth, yet demanding. "Ava O'Hara, nice to meet you Captain Hansen."

"You can call me Sig. Would you like to get a drink with me, Ava?"

Ava looked down at their hands, still locked. He was wearing a wedding band. 'So,' she figured, 'it would just be casual conversation.'

"I'd like that very much. I have a glass at the bar-" he cut her off.

"Let's go back over to the table I'm sitting at."

When Sig turned around, he noticed his crew was gone. He pulled out his cell phone only to see a text message from his brother, Norman.

'Edgar indulged a little too much. He's sick. Will see you tomorrow.'

"Is everything alright?" Ava asked.

Sig's eyes met hers. 'Green,' he thought to himself. "Of course. Now, how about that drink?"

Sig gently placed his hand on her lower back, guiding her over to the now empty booth. She tried to push the thoughts of his large hand placed so delicately on her back. She had seen the ring - he was married. It was just going to be casual conversation. Hell, he was on the Discovery Channel, maybe he would be able to get her a job in a commercial or on another show. Ava really didn't have to use the pre-law degree she earned.

"What'll it be?" Sig asked.

Ava's head snapped up to meet his. His eyes were demanding. She'd be lying to herself if it wasn't a turn on.

"I'll have..." she trailed off. 'Time to play around a bit,' she thought to herself. Ava took her lower lip into her mouth and glanced up, thinking about what drink to have. Her lip escaped, now slightly moist from her mouth. She met his eyes again. "I think I'll have a Jack and coke. Make it a double Jack."

His eyes never changed. They held her stare.

He sat back, the waiter now gone to make their drinks. He took in her face, her hair frizzing a bit from the heat of the dance floor. She was beautiful.

"So, Ava," he began. He loved the way her name sounded when he said it. "What brings you to Seattle?"

She smiled at him, a little reward for his eyes finally relaxing a bit. "I graduated college last weekend and came up here to see all of my friends. I've been stuck in New Jersey for four years at Princeton and all of my friends came out here to college. Most of them got scholarships for sports. I went to Princeton for their pre-law program."

"And will you be starting law school?"

Ava shook her head. "I don't want to go through another three years of school right now. It's too much. I'm just relieved to be done with my four years of college!"

He nodded at her. "I see. How long are you here for?"

The waiter returned, two drinks in hand.

"I believe it's my turn to ask a question, Captain Hansen."

"Sig," he offered.

Ava uncrossed her arms, resting them on the table and leaned forward a bit. No need on torturing the poor man.

"What's your occupation, Captain Hansen?" she drawled out his name, adding just a touch of her natural southern accent.

Under the table, Sig shifted. He looked right across at her. "I'm a crab fisherman," he said simply.

Ava feigned surprise. "I've never met a fisherman before! I thought you might have been a captain of an Alaskan cruise ship! Well, that's very interesting. Isn't it cold?"

Ava thought it was a good start. She'd seen the show once or twice, just clips.

"Let's not talk about jobs right now. I think you need to enjoy your graduation and live the last few days of college life."

His response took her off-guard. Now she had no idea how to respond to him. What would they talk about?

Luckily for Ava, Sig took care of her concern.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

She nearly choked on her drink. She didn't have a boyfriend, but why would he want to know?

"Is there someone you could set me up with in Seattle and I could live happily ever after at the other end of the country, away from my crazy parents?"

Their game of cat and mouse continued.

"Possibly... I'm not so sure on the 'ever after' part, though," responded Sig. "Was that guy you were dancing with your boyfriend?"

Ava let out a small laugh. She knew Peter should probably report to the CDC office to be tested for STD's on a weekly basis. With his J.Crew model looks and dashing smile, girls fell all over him. However, Ave has known him since the sixth grade and considered him her brother.

"Peter? No, Peter is not my boyfriend," answered Ava.

Sig took a sip of his beer. "So you have no boyfriend?"

Ava shook her head slightly and took a sip of her own drink.

"That's a shame," Sig said softly.

She set down her drink. What was he getting at? She had to control her mind. Ever since they sat down to chat, his gaze got softer, his eyes even bluer. Ava thought she could stare at his hands all day. They were large, rough, weathered. His face with demanding with lines of age - distinguished. And his blonde hair looked so soft.

He looked at her with a small smily playing on his lips.

"Oh?" It was all she could respond.

"It's a shame because you are dangerously beautiful."

Ava's been called many things in her life - beautiful being one of them. But 'dangerously' beautiful? Never. Warning lights were going off behind her eyes. Her mind was screaming at her to walk away, but she couldn't leave this man in front of her. Her mouth was dry, and her drink was doing nothing to help her. Ava's cheeks flushed.

She didn't leave; instead, she moved forward a bit more, her hands resting toward the middle of the table.

"Well, Captain, thank you," Ava said with a smile. She nearly jumped out of the seat when she felt Sig's hand rest on hers.

She licked her lips again.

"You're welcome, Ava."

Cool metal brushed against her hand and she looked down. His ring.

"Oh, you're married, I see," she tried to sound nonchalant. "That's a shame."

She was desperately trying to keep up with his game.

His eyes became demanding again. "Why's that?"

She blamed it on the alcohol. It had to be the alcohol. Never would she try to hit on a married man. But the club and the music and the alcohol and the blue of his eyes were making her feel bolder than normal.

"Because I'd be lying if I wasn't attracted to you," she took it one step further. She stretched her left leg out to brush up against his. The grip of his hand on hers tightened ever so slightly. "And I can safely say that you feel the same way about me, Captain Hansen."

He shifted again, trying to loosen the material of his pants.

When he spoke, Ava noted that it was a bit deeper, raspier.

"Follow me," he said standing up. Ava looked confused, but she followed.

He took her hand and pulled her along to a back hallway where she thought the restrooms were. It was a hallway to the offices of the club, however. When they reached the farthest corner, they were enveloped in darkness. She felt his hands on her hips as he turned her back to the wall, and then she felt his chest against hers.

His lips touched her ear. "I am a married man, Ava. Old enough to be your father. But the way you moved on that floor, the sound of your voice and your smile are driving me insane."

Ava had no idea how she ended up here, in this corner, with a married man who's the star of a hit show on national TV. His warm body felt so wonderful against hers. She exhaled hard.

"I know..." he whispered.

Ava turned her face took look at his eyes. Their mouths were inches apart. The grip on her hips tightened and he put his lower body to hers. Now, she let out a small moan.

Sig had no idea why he was doing this. All he knew, was that he couldn't stop. He ground against her hip once, twice... And then he felt one hand fly to the back of his head and the other grip his arm. He had to stop.

"Sig..." she whispered. It was the first time she said his first name. He pushed against her body more, now flush against her.

Ava's heart was racing, her mind foggy. He continued to grind against her and she continued to encourage him with her hands. She wanted to feel his lips on hers. She pushed her head towards him again.

His eyes were the deepest blue now. His mouth was open and he was breathing heavy. He looked at her, her face red and shaky breathing. He leaned in the last few inches, and met her lips with his.

Sig was slow, very hesitant at first. The warm skin of his lips met Ava's own very softly. He didn't move. Ava's eyes had been closed, but when she felt the warm contact they flew open. Sig's own eyes were closed, the blonde lashes resting gently against his upper cheek. She took a breath in, only to inhale the sweet smell of vodka and... Chocolate?

Suddenly, Ava felt the cool metal of Sig's ring press against her wrist. She gasped and drew her head back.

"What are you doing?" she gasped, her voice breathy and light.

Sig sighed and leaned his forehead against Ava's. His eyes searched hers. Honestly, he had no idea what he was doing. He opened his mouth to try to speak. Instead of forming words, his mouth slammed down on hers again, this time gripping her wrists and holding them on her sides.

She tried to let him kiss her, but after a few blissful seconds her mind registered what was happened. Here she was, in a club that she's never been to, in the darkest corner, kissing a man who was probably twice her age, married with two children, and a reality television star. She twisted her head. Instead of stopping, Sig's lips met the base of her neck and she cried out, twisting her wrists out of his strong hands.

"Sig, no," Ava said softly.

Now he took a step back to look at her. His chest was heaving, Ava was still shaking. Her body screamed to reach out for Sig again, but her mind was forcing her to stop.

Glancing down her body, Sig let out a small laugh. "You can't tell me you honestly don't want me, Ava."

She ran a hand through her hair, not knowing how to respond to him. She was attracted to him: Look wise and attitude wise. She had no idea where he was from, where he lives presently, nothing.

"I- I need to go. I have to go back to my hotel, I'm sorry," Ava said quickly. She removed her body between the wall and Sig, nearly tripping over her heels. Her legs felt like jelly.

She felt him grip her wrist again, pulling her back. Her leg caught on her other one and she stumbled into his arms. Ava looked down at the arms that held her. They were fair, light hair dusted them and his hands... She nearly moaned when she saw their ruggedness. They would feel like heaven against her skin.

"This isn't over. Here's my number," Sig shoved something into her free hand. He looked down at her, as her knees were still bent and he was holding her up. His face inched closer, their lips almost touching.

Before he could kiss her for a third time, she straightened herself and finally stumbled backwards, free of his arms. "I have to go, Sig. It was nice meeting you."

"Call me, Ava. I mean that," he replied, his voice dangerously low. She knew it wasn't a threat, but it almost felt like one. She shivered involuntarily and hurried out of the dark hallway and onto the floor. She pushed through the huge crowd of bodies, purses and glasses of alcohol. When she reached the door, she glanced behind her.

In the middle of the dance floor stood Captain Sig Hansen - his eyes hard, his mouth in a tight line.

Before she rushed back to him, she shook her head and left the bar.

"I feel like I must have known you in another life

'Cause I felt this deep connection when you looked my eyes

Now I can't wait to see you again."


	4. Chapter 03: Looks Are Deceiving

Author's Note: First of all, thank you **so much** for everyone who's read and reviewed. I really can't believe it! I left out 1 more important thing in my previous A/N - While I was drafting this story, I was listening to music. A few songs inspired me to write the beginning chapters (Chapter 1 - Paralyzer by Finger Eleven, Chapter 2 - See You Again by Miley Cyrus (it's my guilty pleasure, leave me alone! :p), Chapter 3 (the current chapter) - Sour Girl by Stone Temple Pilots). While listening to the songs on repeat, I constructed my chapters around them. Suffice it to say I have a nice playlist on iTunes that outlines the whole story. I just got the title for the story, also. The name of the song is called The Beginning is the End is the Beginning by the Smashing Pumpkins. The song was featured in Batman & Robin and is currently in the new Watchmen film trailer. You don't have to listen to the songs or anything, but I think it sort of sets the mood of the characters and the mini-plot of each chapter. I will be able to get Chapter 3 done today, possibly start Chapter 4 today as well. I want to write as much as I can before I go away for training for work! Enjoy!

CHAPTER THREE: The Looks Are Deceiving

Ava rushed to the hotel a few blocks down from the bar. She needed to get out of her ridiculous clothing, wash her face and crawl into bed. Her mind was flooded by thoughts of Sig: His voice, his dark blue eyes... His lips. She shook her head again and let out a frustrated groan. She was being insane, and so was he! He was married and had children. Nowhere did she fit into the picture. Whoever his wife was, she was one lucky woman. Those hands felt marvelous on her.

She stopped instantly. She felt eyes on her. Ava slowly turned around and squinted down the street. There he was, leaning against the brick wall, smoking a cigarette and talking on his phone. Angrily, he shut his phone and stomped out his smoke. Before he looked around to find her, Ava quickly turned around again and hurried down the remaining streets to her hotel.

Once in her standard Hilton room, she collapsed against the door. Only then did she allow herself to look at the slip of paper Sig and shoved in her delicate hand.

'Call me. 555-3281.' On the other side... 'I'd give my life to feel your legs around me.'

Now Ava flushed, even felt a bit queezy. She quickly raced to the bathroom, set the scrap of paper down on the counter, and stripped out of her clothing. Luckily, the Hilton supplied every room with two terry cotton robes. She was in no mood to change into her pajamas, wash her face, or even take a quick shower.

Defeated, she sank into her king-sized bed and fell asleep.

Brilliant sunlight flooded her hotel room, much too bright for a slightly hung-over brain. It wasn't the sunlight that woke Ava, however. Her cell phone was ringing.

She lifted her head, looking around and trying to figure out where she was. She was laying diagonally in the plush bed, one pillow under her head and the other... At the foot? She shrugged. It wasn't the worst thing that could have happened.

Now she was trying to find her phone. It was on its fourth ring when it went to voicemail. Saying a silent prayer, she lowered her head back down on the pillow and tried to go through last night's events.

She'd flown into Seattle and was picked up by her long-time friend Peter. She changed in the hotel room before heading to the bar for some karaoke, beer, dancing and...

Kissing?!

Sig Hansen. _Captain_ Sig Hansen. Instantly, she felt his lips upon hers again. Her eyes snapped open - her cell phone was ringing again.

This time, she made the valiant effort to get up from bed to search for the phone. Once up, she discovered that she was only wearing a Hilton bathrobe, which she tied around her tighter. Her phone was in the bathroom of all places, vibrating its way dangerously close to the ledge.

Before her cell phone could take the leap of faith, she snatched it up. It was Ashley.

"Ava! You need to tell me what happened last night with you and Sig Hansen. When can I stop by the hotel to pick you up?"

She ran a hand through her hair and tried to not snap at Ashley. She's been up for all of five minutes and she was already getting drilled by her friends. She didn't want to tell any of them. Somehow, hearing those words come from Ashley's mouth made her skin crawl.

What the hell had she done?

"Well, I need to shower and pop at least two or three Advil. Come over around eleven?" suggested Ava, trying to find a clock.

"It's already five after eleven. How about one? We'll head over for lunch. There's a cute seafood restaurant across the 520 bridge. I'll see you then."

Ava didn't even respond to her best friend. She shut her phone and instantly turned on the shower head.

She felt sick. Sick to her stomach. And dirty. Ava turned on the water as hot as she could stand it and stood under the steady stream for a long while. Her entire body felt like it was crawling. She'd kissed a man who was old enough to be her father, who was married, who had kids and was on a world-famous TV show! Frantically, she grabbed the standard hotel bar of soap and began scrubbing away.

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. If any rumors were started, her law career could be in jeopardy. His marriage would be ruined, his reputation tarnished.

How could she be so stupid!

Just then, Ava realized that it wasn't fair to be blaming herself. Sig had kissed HER! He kissed her first. Took her to that dark corner and held her against the wall with his broad body and thick hands.

A jolt rushed through her body. Her own body betrayed her.

"No!" Ava shouted to no one. "This is stupid. I'm going to throw that piece of paper away and I'm never going to see him again. it was a stupid mistake on his part, and I'm sure his wife knows of his ways... I'm sure I'm not the first girl he's kissed outside of his marriage."

Feeling better, she stepped out of the shower and got dressed. She put on minimal make-up and pulled out her laptop. She had a ton of e-mails from her parents, professors, and deans. Sighing, she opened the first e-mail and read it. Something about speaking at a benefit this summer. Ava glanced at the clock: 11:37. She had plenty of time to catch up with the real world.

"Spill," Ashley breathed out as her and Ava sank into a plush booth.

Ava rolled her eyes at the girl across from her. "Ash, I promise, there's really nothing to tell. He bought me a drink, we talked about what I had done in school, his fishing and the TV show and that was all."

A waiter came over to take their drinks.

"I'll take a water with two lemons," Ava said, still massaging her aching head.

"I'll take the mojito," smiled Ashley.

"You amaze me. You drank twice as much as I did in half the time as me, but yet here you are ordering more alcohol?"

"Don't try to change the subject," Ashley scolded Ava as she waved a finger. "You can't honestly tell me nothing happened. I may have been a bit tipsy, but I saw the way he was looking at you. Did you get his number?"

Now Ava was beginning to get defensive. She looked across the small table at her best friend. Ashley was taller than she was and she had the type of face that should be on Vogue magazine. Both women were beautiful, but Ashley always went a step above. Always had to outdo everyone. Ava supposed it was because Ashley is the youngest of four girls.

Ava did not honestly want to tell Ashley that yes, Sig did give her his number. But on the other hand, she told Ashley everything. Maybe Ashley could help. Then again, Ava really didn't want help with this. She knew it was wrong to let Sig kiss her last night, and she was determined to forget about it.

She shook her head and replied: "No."

Now Ashley sighed and shook her head at Ava. "Ever since Nate left you, you've never been open with guys. They're not all bad, Ava. I saw the way he looked at you last night."

The waiter came back with their drinks. Ashley sipped her mojito, waiting for Ava to reply.

"I saw the way he looked at me, too, Ash. But he's married and has kids. We didn't do anything. We sat and chatted for about fifteen minutes and then I got up to head back to the hotel. That's all."

Ava saw that Ashley looked to believe her. _Finally_, she thought.

Ashley had dropped Ava off at the hotel an hour later, and Ava sat on the edge of the shower, looking at the scrap of paper still laying on the sink. She hadn't thought about her ex-boyfriend Nate in months. The two of them dated since freshmen year of college. The last year, he left Ava to backpack across Europe. Those were never in Ava's plans, but she would have went happily. However, her parents had none of that. When Nate left, he would write to her, but those letters came less frequent. And when they did, they were a few sentences. The last letter was an apology - he'd found a nice young girl in the south of France and he planned to move there. He didn't even speak French! How she got through the final semester was still a mystery.

Now, the first number from a guy she got laughed at her.

She could call him. She was sure it was a cell number, as he couldn't risk her calling his home. But she shouldn't call him. He had a home - filled with kids, a wife, memories of a family. She had none of that, and she had nothing to compete with. They would both be lying. She already lied to Ashley.

...So what's one more tiny, little fib?

Ava flew off the edge of the shower, grabbed the paper and threw herself on the bed. She snatched up her cell phone and punched in the numbers, all the while her mind screaming at her for being so stupid.

The phone rang once, twice. On the third ring, he picked up.

"Hello?" Ava noted his voice sounded firm, yet hopeful. He knew it was her.

"Hey, it's me, Ava. Listen, I just wanted to say thank you for the drink last night, but-"

Sig cut her off with a small, rough laugh.

"What are you doing tonight, Ava?"

She heard a crash and another man cursing in the background. "Where are you?" she asked curiously.

"What are you doing tonight, Ava?" Sig asked again. "Are you going to the Wasteland?"

For a split second, she didn't know how to answer and she wanted to hang up the phone. But that would do no good now as he could simply re-dial her number.

"Ava?" Sig practically shouted.

"No, no I'm not going to the bar. I'm not sure what my friends and I are doing tonight."

Now she was getting angry at herself. Why should she even see him again? It would only end up going horribly wrong. This whole situation was horribly wrong.

"Good," Sig started. "What hotel are you staying at? I'll come by and pick you up and we can go somewhere."

Again, warning bells went off in her head. She shouldn't agree to this. Going "somewhere" had a plethora of meanings, all of them being very, very wrong. Ava couldn't help but smile to herself. She'd be lying if she said it wasn't a bit fun to be playing this little game.

Besides, one more visit with Sig Hansen couldn't hurt, right?

"Im staying at the Hilton in Bellevue. What did you have in mind tonight? I want to make sure I, uh, dress properly." Now she sounded like a complete idiot.

She heard Sig laugh again through the phone. "No need to get all dressed up. I'm going to take you somewhere and show you something."

It was easy for her to play along now. "Captain Hansen, I don't believe that would be proper right now. What's this 'something' you want to show me?"

Laughter again. "It's my pride and joy, Ava. I'm sure you're going to _love_ it. I'll see you at seven."

"What would you do,  
What would you do if I follow you?  
What would you do, I follow  
Don't turn away, what are you looking at?  
He was so happy on the day that he met her  
Say, what are you looking at?  
I was a superman, the looks are deceiving"

-Stone Temple Pilots, "Sour Girl"


	5. Chapter 04: Just Know What You Got

A/N - Okay, this is my longest chapter to date. I needed to put a lot in here as this is going to majorly change the way we view Sig's side of things. The full story isn't developed yet on Sig's side, but it's forming. Also, this story takes place over the course of 3 summers. The following chapters will be long, too, but they won't be just one-day type things. And, as always, thank you for reading and reviewing!

CHAPTER FOUR: Just Know What You Got

When Ava hung up the phone with Sig, she stayed motionless on her bed. She couldn't move. And, she didn't know why she called him. Now she was stuck with meeting up with him tonight and letting him take her... Well, wherever it was he was going to take her.

She had no idea what to wear. She couldn't wear clothing that was bar-appropriate, but she didn't want to wear tons of layers to try to conceal herself. Then Ava sarted thinking about his wife and children. What was he going to tell them? Were they used to this? What if she showed up wherever it was he was taking her?

With a groan, she ran her hands over her face, mentally scolding herself. She rolled over and turned on the television, attempting to find something to take her mind off of her -- dare she say, date? -- with Sig.

The television deemed to be useless as she wasn't in the mood to watch Oprah or re-runs of Deadliest Catch. When she saw that the show was on, she abruptly sat up and turned the set off.

"Okay," she said to herself, "the gym it is."

Meanwhile, down at the docks, Sig and his brothers were busy cleaning up their ship, the Northwestern.

"So, Sig, what happened with that chick last night?" Edgar asked lightly. He was in the small kitchen going to town with the Clorox, mop and bucket. Thankfully, Sig had taken away all agents that couldl potentially start a fire. The youngest Hansen brother was a bit of a makeshift pyrotechnic.

Sig pretended not to be too interested in the conversation, and so he kept it light. "Her name is Ava," he began. "And she's out here visiting friends she grew up with. They came out here to college on sports scholarships while she went to Princeton. Apparently she's pretty smart. She has a pre-law degree."

Edgar laughed. "She can't be too smart."

"Why's that?" Sig snapped, getting immediately defensive.

Only Norman, the quiet, most hard-working of the three, took notice to Sig's defense about the young woman.

"Oh, nothing... Just that she agreed to have a drink with you!"

Norman spoke up now. "Is she going back home soon?"

Sig shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not sure, actually. She's staying at a Hilton so-"

"Woah!" Edgar put down the mop, a hand on his hip. "How do you know what hotel she's at? Sig... Did you go back to her hotel with her?!"

He swallowed. He'd been caught. Sig knew he needed a diversion, and quick. He waved his hand and rolled his eyes at Edgar. "She pulled out her hotel key card before she left so she wouldn't have to search for it when she got to her room. And no, I did not go back to the hotel with her."

Edgar picked up the mop now and continued to clean. "You know, she really was absolutely gorgeous. She'd make a killing as a lawyer up here in Seattle, too. Especially if she could get in with the Microsoft clans. She'd be richer than all of us!"

"I think she seems more like a southern girl," Norman ventured. He looked at Sig, waiting eagerly for his response.

He said nothing. Instead, the Captain of the Northwestern got up from the dinette and stormed up to his wheelehouse.

By the time six o'clock rolled around, Ava knew she was in need of a shower. She'd spent the better part of an hour on the elliptical machine and another hour running on the treadmill. She was now tired and a bit sweaty. Another shower would be in order.

While at the gym, she was able to erase all thoughts of Sig Hansen from her mind. It was just her, her iPod, and the gym equipment. She wasn't thinking of law school, her parents, Nate, lying to Ashley or Captain Hansen. Instead, she focused on exercising. Getting out all of her frustrations and keeping her figure as her mother so frequently told her was supremely important.

Under the warm spray of the shower, thoughts of the real world came seeping back into her mind. She thought of her friends who would surely be calling her any minute with their plans for the night. Her parents who want her to take a year off to study for the LSATs to ensure a marvelous score to get her into Harvard or Yale Law. She laughed at the very thought. She devoted the last four years of her life to studying. She lived in the library. Could have (and probably should have) moved her dorm bed to the library. Ava isn't like her father. She didn't learn naturally. It took hard work. Ava also isn't like her mother. She doesn't have freaky metabolism that allows her to eat whatever she feels like. But, the second her mother deems her clothing "too big" she'd be at the gym again. It made her sick. Her father - the workaholic. Her mother - the size 2 "look at the career I could have had but gave up to raise you, the most important job of all."

And then... She thought of Sig. She shook her head as she turned the water off.

This was insane.

She couldn't get involved. She was determined not to get involved.

As she stood in front of the bathroom mirror, tugging on a Ralph Lauren Polo shirt, she decided that she'd decline Sig's invitation. Tell him she had a change of plans. Tell him she's flying out tonight.

Her life was already messed up. Why screw up someone elses life?

The walk through the lobby and outside of the hotel seemed to take forever. Ava felt as if she was the only one in the hotel. And then, as she passed through the elegant glass doors, she saw Sig sitting in his shiny white pick-up truck, cigarette in one hand. And a very sexy, sly smile on his face.

Ava felt her knees go weak.

"Hop in," he said through the open window.

Biting her lip, Ava opened the imposing door and -- literally -- climbed in.

What was she to say? Hi? Thanks for picking me up?

"So... Where are we off to?" Ava asked nervously.

Sig let out a small chuckle. "Don't you worry, darlin'. You're going to be impressed, trust me. I've got dinner waiting for you, too. I hope you like crab!" With that, Sig let out a cracked, hard laugh. The sound sent a shiver up Ava's spine.

She looked over at him and stared at his profile. His blonde hair looked even softer in the still bright light. His nose was long, but fit his face perfectly. Of course, she already knew what his lips felt like...

"You okay, Ava? You're looking at me like I'm going out of style."

She glanced at the center console at the pack of cigarettes.

"Want one?"

Ava only smoked once in her life, in high school, but she figured it would give her something to do. "Sure. It'll give me something to do."

They came to a stop light. As she had the end of the cigarette in her mouth, Sig leaned over and lit it for her. He set the lighter down and rested a hand on her thigh.

A thousand rational thoughts were racing through her mind. Where was his wife? And children? Did his borthers know? All of these thoughts were giving her a headache. With one inhale of the cigarette, she felt her mind relax. Ava also felt herself relax.

She looked over at Sig again. She thought of the kiss now.

Sig turned the truck at a stop light and said "What, is there something on my face?"

Ava shook her head. "No, nothing at all." She smiled up at him, not shyly this time, either.

All rational thoughts fled. For one night, Ava was going to allow herself to enjoy whatever would happen. There were no rules - no college, no parents, no friends. Only she and Sig would exist.

* * *

The drive took nearly a half an hour to get to Sig's mystery destination. Finally, Ava figured out where they were going. She spotted the water as they were coming down a rather steep hill. She then saw the massive ships docked along the waterway. Maneuvering his truck through the narrow streets, he finally parallel parked and they got out. They walked in silence until they rounded a corner and Ava came face to face with an imposing white vessel. On the side was its name - NORTHWESTERN.

"Your ship?" Ava said breathlessly. "Sig, this is... This is amazing! It's beautiful! Am I allowed on?" she asked excitedly.

He laughed. "Of course you are."

He took his hand in hers and walked faster to the edge of the dock. He jumped up onto his vessel and turned around and offered his hands to Ava. Being that she was the same height as Sig, possibly a bit taller, she didn't have too much trouble getting on board. He lifted her up and once she was settled, he let his hands travel down her sides.

_Much like Peter did last night, _Ava noted.

He held his hands there and they held each other's gaze. She was facing the door to the galley and he began to back her up. She couldn't stop staring into his deep blue eyes. She had seen light blue eyes on plenty of people, but his eyes were the color of the deep waters of the Mediterranean.

Subconsciously, Ava licked her lips. That simple action proved to be Sig's undoing. He backed up her faster now, eager to get inside and out of sight of any passers-by. Finally, once inside, his mouth collided with hers again. Ava allowed herself to be consumed by the kiss. She ran one hand across the back of his neck, the other stayed firmly planted on his shoulder.

This time, it was Sig who pulled away first.

"Let's eat something," he told her as he walked away to pull items out of cupboards and various pantries.

Ava looked around. Off to one corner was a booth with a rather large table. Above it hung a portrait of a painting. It seemed old, yet comforting and familiar. She saw the small kitchen, the shelf with the telelvison, and the stairs to Sig's wheelhouse. Off to another side, the rooms where the men of the vessel got their few precious hours of sleep.

"Sig, I can't say thank you enough for taking me here. Your ship is absolutely amazing."

"It's really no problem, Ava. My brothers and I just cleaned it and-" he cursed in... Another language?

"You're bilingual?"

"I'm one hundred percent Norwegian. I learned it before English," Sig offered. "And my youngest brother, Edgar, just left me a lovely surprise."

Ava got up from the edge of the booth and ventured into the kitchen. Sig turned around with plastic snakes, spiders, and cockroaches - all of which were scattered in the sink.

"I'm guessing he's a prankster?"

Sig laughed. Ava was beginning to grow fond of that rough, ragged laugh. "Yeah, you could say that."

Ava sat down again, and the two were in silence until Sig brought over his small yet delicious dinner of crab legs and salad. "It's not much, but it's completley fresh. The way it should be. And that's my favorite wine, too. Do you like Pinot Grigio?"

Ava took a sip and laughed. "I like whatever does the job quickly."

They began to eat their meal and Ava started casual conversation.

"How long have you been fishing?"

Sig took a sip of wine and looked up at Ava. "As long as I can remember. This is my family history, their heritage. I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I always wonder if my old man is proud of me... Not just for fishing, but for the show. It's more than just filming. It's fan meet and greets. A book. And now a video game. It's so much, you know?"

Ava nodded in agreement. "It sounds like you need an agent, Sig."

He rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it. I'm not a Hollywood star. I'm just a regular guy."

"It would be so fun to be an agent for a big star. I couldn't imagine having people like George Clooney and Ben Affleck on my speed dial. I'm sure it would be much better than being a lawyer," Ava deadpanned.

"Huh? Think of the money you're going to make. The control you'll be in."

Ava shook her head. "It's what my parents want. But let's not talk about them, okay?"

"Deal," he smiled.

From there, the two fell into an easy conversation about how the show came about, and just why it's so dangerous. Ava held onto his every word, the wine loosening her mind more and more. After what seemed like hours, the entire bottle was gone.

Sig sat back and sighed heavily. "You are so beautiful. I still don't believe that you don't have a boyfriend."

"Well, I don't," replied Ava.

"When you do get a boyfriend, he better be damn near perfect. You deserve the best man possible."

Ava blushed and looked down.

"Don't be shy, darlin'. You weren't shy when I kissed you earlier. And I'm damn sure you'd taste even sweeter with all that wine you drank."

Her eyes got wide and she looked at him. _What did he just say?_

Sig didn't know why, but she looked so sexy when she blushed. Her eyes were wide and he smiled at her. She was better than a thrill ride. She was so shy right now, but he'd seen a bit of her real nature come out finally. She was carefree, happy. Not what he was used to at home, that's for damn sure. Sig stood up and put his hands out for Ava to grab. When she did, he pulled her up and led her up the stairs to his wheelhouse.

He sat down on the Captain's chair and motioned for her to sit on his lap. Together, the two stared out across the Puget Sound - at the houses that were lucky enough to be situated on the water, the ships securely docked. Ava felt his hands creep across her stomach and she turned to him.

This time, she leaned in to kiss him. His hands snaked lower to the hem of her white polo and rested on the bare skin. The sensation was like an electrical current. Strong enough to kill her. Ava deepend the kiss, opening her mouth further and wove her hands through his soft, blonde hair.

She felt his hands reach up even further now and they skated across the delicate lace.

Abruptly, she pulled away. He didn't stop. Rather, he stood up and backed her up to an empty surface and leaned her against it. His body was flush with hers. Ava looked up at him. Sig's eyes were even deeper now. They weren't softer, they were harder. She reached for him again.

She lost track of time. She lost track of her shirt. Never before had she been kissed like this. He put meaning into each kiss. She could feel emotion pouring from him. Ava had no clue why he chose her, why he was showing her so much emotion. She cried out when his mouth connected with her neck.

Ava cried out again when her cell phone began to ring in the pocket of her jeans.

Sig backed up, his chest heaving. The ID screamed at her - her mother.

"It's my mom... I think I need to go back to the hotel."

He sooped up her shirt from the floor and handed it to her. She put it on, almost putting it on backwards, and followed him down the stairs. Once again, he helped her off of the Northwestern and they walked in silence to his truck, and sat in silence on the way home. The lights of houses and cars passed by in a blur.

As they approached the hotel, Sig touched her thigh again. "Thank you for tonight. Thank you for not judging me, for not yelling at me. It really meant a lot to just... Be with someone for a few hours that doesn't constantly tell me how much better they are than me. Will you be around tomorrow? I'd like to see you again, Ava."

Ava looked at him. Was he talking about his wife?

She then remembered her pact to herself - have one night to not think about ligitiment consequences.

"Yeah, I'll be around."

He pulled up to the curb and leaned over to her. "Goodnight, Ava," Sig whispered and kissed her once again.

Reluctantly, Ava got out of the truck. This time when she turned around, she smiled at him and gave him a small wave. He smiled back.

Once in her hotel room, she collapsed on the bed. What was Sig talking about? Wasn't his homelife good?

Her thoughts changed sure enough, though... And as she drifted off to sleep, all she could think about was how good of a kisser he was, and how strong his hands were on her upper body.

"You don't know how you took it  
You just know what you got  
Oh Lordy you've been stealing from the thieves  
And you got caught in the headlights  
Of a stretch car, you're a star

Of course you're not shy  
You don't have to deny, love  
Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me"

- U2, "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me"


	6. Chapter 05: Is it Bright Where You Are?

CHAPTER 05 - In Your Darkest Hour

Ava awoke the next morning to discover two missed calls and one voicemail. One call was from Ashley, one call was from Sig. The voicemail - from Sig as well. She snuggled back under the blankets as she listened to his message over and over.

'Good morning, sunshine! Just calling to make sure I can stop by to see you today... I think there's a thing or two we need to talk about. Call me when you wake up.'

What did he want to talk about?

She flipped her phone shut and gnawed at her bottom lip, then opened her phone back up to call Ashley.

"Hey, Ash, what's up?"

She was greeted by a loud yawn. "Don't you remember? I told you I was flying to meet my _darling_ fiance on Wednesday. I wanted to say goodbye last night, but your phone wasn't getting reception. It sent me right to voicemail."

Ava's hand flew to her forehead. She flet like shit now. "God, Ashley, I'm sorry. I feel like an idiot."

"Don't worry about it, Ava. At least we got to grab some lunch yesterday. I just figured you were sleeping or something. Look, it's only seven in the morning here, and I'm exhausted. When do you leave Seattle?"

Ava hadn't even thought of leaving. She made a mental note to let Sig know that she was flying out tomorrow afternoon. "Tomorrow at 3:30. I'll call you when I get in, okay?"

"Goodnight."

She had to laugh. Ashley would be perfectly happy to sleep her days away. Sometimes, Ava would be happy to do just the same.

After a brief shower and grabbing breakfast from the small, general type store in the lobby of the Hilton, Ava called Sig. They'd agreed to meet outside of her hotel again, but this time they couldn't go to his boat. His brothers were there working on painting the ship and his family was at his house. A pang of guilt ran through Ava's stomach, but she pushed it away. After what he had said last night, she wasn't exactly sure that everything was okay in his relationship.

And so, hiding out in Ava's hotel room would have to make do.

When Sig pulled up to the hotel, he valet parked his truck. Ava met him in the lobby and the two hurried to an elevator. Another couple was in the elevator with them, and Sig tried to not look at them. Being a celebrity had its downfalls, too.

Once inside her room, he pulled her close and kissed her hard. Sig's tongue met Ava's in a frantic battle. Her hands gripped his shoulders while his tugged at the hem of her shirt.

"Wait," said Ava breathless. "I just... I don't..."

Sig held her close and kissed her forehead. "I understand. Look, Ava, I need to talk to you about a few things."

Her face paled. She just knew he was going to say that he never wanted to see her again. That being with her last night was a mistake. Ava looked into Sig's eyes and tried to smile. Lately, she was getting so good at lying.

"Okay, Sig, what's the matter?" she asked tentatively, sitting in the middle of the bed.

Sig took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "I love my wife, I really do. Even though I'm not the doctor or lawyer that her parents wanted her to marry, I'm a good man for her. She's used to the fishing lifestyle now. But... She always reminds me that she could have married richer. Could have married old money here in Seattle. Every day it's a constant battle between figuring out if she's happy with me or if she's happy with the money I make."

Ava looked at Sig, her forehead scrunching. What did this mean?

"When I'm around you, what I do and who I am isn't just good enough - it's more than enough. See what I'm saying?"

Honestly, she didn't. "I think so..."

"You're the type of woman I should have been with all along. Carefree, doesn't worry about money and being the richest person on the block. You have a pre-law degree and here you sit in Seattle with your friends! You don't care what your parents think!"

His voice became so loud, yelling almost, but not in a mean way. He was making points. She was hanging on his every word.

"I've never wanted somebody as much as I want you. Right now, last night, at the bar two nights ago... But, you understand this is all I can give you. Secret meetings in hotel rooms, short phone calls. You gotta take it or leave it. I can't leave my family. But, Ava, there's something about you that I don't want to miss out on. I'm being a real dick, I know, but is there any chance that maybe you and I could just... I don't know..."

Ava watched him speak. His hands flew all over the place, his voice getting louder and softer at different parts of his speech. She understood what he was saying. Once again, Ava would have to deal with being second. But Sig is so different than Nate. He offered adventure, a risk every time they spoke to each other. She didn't want the prim and proper lifestyle. This was her way out. This was her way to rebel. The few hours she's spent with Sig sent her heart racing. She loved it. She moved closer towards him and snaked a hand around his neck to bring his lips to hers. They fell into an easy rhythm and neither of them blinked when she reclined to lay on the bed. He moved his body to cover hers.

This time, she allowed him to tug at the hem of her shirt; the clasp of her bra; the button of her jeans...

_Send a heartbeat to the void that cries through you  
Relive the pictures that have come to pass  
For now we stand alone  
The world is lost and blown  
And we are flesh and blood disintigrate  
With no more to hate_

She looked up at him, his mouth hanging open. She licked her lips and he closed the distance between their mouths. Her hands gripped his back, not daring to let go.

"My parents," she gasped, "they want me to go to law school and live in Florida with them. I don't - ah, Sig!" she broke out in laughter.

"What don't they want you to do, Ava? You can do whatever you want. It's just the two of us right now," his hand skated across her bare stomach, lightly tickling her.

"They think I can marry somebody equally rich, too. I don't want that!" she cried out.

Ava's eyes widened. It was actually happening. She looked up at him again, her eyes wide.

Sig chuckled. "Don't be surprised, Ava. It's just _me._ Don't listen to what your parents want. Do what _you_ want to do."

Through the haze, Ava realized exactly what she wanted to do. "I want you, Sig."

There was no going back.

_Is it bright where you are?  
And have the people changed?  
Does it make you happy? You're so strange  
And in your darkest hour, I hold secrets flame  
We can watch the world devoured in its pain_

For those next few precious moments, Ava was quite sure only she and Sig existed. Her world spiraled out of control and he was there to pick her up at the end, put her back together.

The two lay together quietly, trying to catch their breaths.

Deep down, Ava knew that there would be no way to undo what had been done. If his wife found out, she wouldn't be able to deny it. Neither would he, she hoped. Never before had anyone told Ava to do what she wanted to do. Her parents, family, even friends would offer her pointless advice for a future that she didn't have a single hand in shaping.

Now along came a delicious, handsome man who offered himself to her with no regard and she had to keep him a secret. She smiled to herself and stretched out like a cat.

She felt his finger tips drumming along her shoulder as her head rested on his chest. Sig kissed the top of her head and she looked up at him.

"When do you leave?" he said softly, playing with her tossled hair.

Ava didn't want to think about this now. She wanted to stay there in that bed with him forever. "Tomorrow afternoon. I have a three-thirty flight."

"Ah. Well, Ava, that's an awfully long flight. You should get some rest now so you won't feel like shit when you land tomorrow night."

She shook her head, resting it back down on his chest. "I want to stay right here. I like knowing that you're here."

Sig laughed lightly and hugged her tighter. "I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."

Ava closed her eyes and let the sleep that tugged at her eyes take her under.

* * *

For the first time since she landed in Seattle, something other than her cell phone pulled her from her slumber. This time it was hands caressing her skin. She moaned and leaned into those strong hands.

"Good evening, Captain Hansen."

"Good evening, Ava."

She inhaled deeply and let his scent intoxicate her. Sea, cigarettes and... Burberry purfume?

_Shit._

"You may want to get a shower before you leave. You smell like me," she pointed out.

He sat up abruptly, the sheets tumbling off the sides. She looked him over and smiled wickedly. "Would you like some company?"

Sig grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the shower, not even bothering to close the door that separated the sink and shower area. He pinned her against the wall and kissed her right away.

And, for the first time since their meetings, Ava felt no guilt what-so-ever. She wanted this. And, as far as she knew, he wanted her.

_Time has stopped before us  
The sky cannot ignore us  
No one can separate us  
For we are all that is left  
The echo bounces off me  
The shadow lost beside me  
There's no more need to pretend  
Cause now I can begin again_

All Lyrics - "The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning" - The Smashing Pumpkins.


	7. Chapter 06: We Really Gotta Ramble

A/N - So, I really feel bad that I've been away for an entire week without updating my story. I'm away on business for 3 weeks and am only home during the weekends. My time at home is very limited as well. Please, stick with me on this! I have the story all mapped out. It's just a matter of inserting dialogue and moving the plot along through dialogue and short month-by-month summaries. Remember, this story spans 3 summers, the wedding sequence and then the finale. The finale was actually the first part I wrote, but I decided to start with the Wedding as the prologue as I think it was very moving and put into place the characters.

Here is my update for now. I will try my very, VERY best to have another update sometime this weekend. I'm taking a PC laptop with me, but I'm not used to using it as I'm an avid Mac user. Again, I will try to update this weekend. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing! Any suggestions are always welcome.

CHAPTER 06 - We Really Gotta Ramble

Alone in her hotel bed is how Ava awoke the next morning. Two of the pillows smelled oddly of smoke and the sea and then she remembered. Blindly, she reached for the phone and scrolled down the list of recent calls until she reached Sig's number. The phone rang once before he picked up.

"You all packed?" he asked gruffly.

She smiled to herself. "No, I just woke up. You wore me out! I just wanted to know if you were going to see me off at the airport or what... Otherwise I'd call a taxi."

"I'll be there at 12:30. We'll grab lunch."

Apparently to Sig "grabbing lunch" meant nearly knocking down her hotel room door with a bag of chips, diet Pepsi and a hard kiss on the lips.

Minutes later, the chips and soda lay forgotten on the nightstand, and the two of them sprawled out on the bed.

Ava ran a hand through her hair, sighing deeply. Instead of resting her head on Sig's chest, she sat up, the sheet clutched tightly to her chest.

"What's going to happen when I go home?" she asked quietly.

Sig was quiet for a long while. Ava didn't know why his silence bothered her as much as it did. After all, what did she expect? For Sig to leave his wife and family and run away with a girl half his age? On the other hand, what he'd told her about his relationship with his wife was always in the back of his mind. What was going to happen?

Her parents wanted her to go to law school. If that was the case, she'd be stuck in Florida for the next three years. Ava really didn't want to go to law school. True, it would be a great living, but she was so tired of school. She wanted something different. Wanted to live somewhere different.

Sig's hand crawled up her damp back and pulled her back down. He kissed her on the forehead and looked her in the eyes. "We need to find a way to get you back up here as soon as possible. I kind of thought of a way, and I ran the idea by my brothers."

Ava's eyes widened.

"You told your brothers about us?!" she practically shouted. "Sig, what's the matter with you?!"

He held up a hand to silence her. "I told them that with the growing popularity of the show, we'd need an agent. You're smart. You graduated from Princeton."

"With a pre-law degree," Ava reminded him.

Sig shrugged. "It's still a good degree. You could be our agent. Even if you don't work for a company, you can keep all of our publicity events in order. So it's perfect. You can come back out for December maybe... Or stay all of next summer."

Ava thought about what Sig was suggesting. She'd just have to work on telling her parents she didn't want to go to law school. But.. What about dating other people? She didn't want to think of that just yet.

"So what, we're like only going to see each other in the summer? Have a summer relationship?"

"Ava, I told you this is all I can offer you. I'd offer you more if I could, believe me. You're an amazing woman. I'm sorry it has to be this way," he said softly.

Now Ava had to ask the question. "What about if I find someone else, Sig? Then what?"

Sig looked down at her, his eyes narrowing slightly, becoming harder. His lips went to a tight line and his voice dropped dangerously low. "You mean you think you can find someone who does..." his hand crept lower "...this... to you?"

Ava's head rolled back on the pillow and a silent scream escpaed her lips. Sig's lips covered her own.

* * *

Half an hour later, Ava was in Sig's pick-up being whisked off to the airport. She'd called Peter to let him know that she picked up a cab. He'd been curious as to where she'd been, and she told him that she was checking out graduate school campuses around the area and enjoying the shopping in Bellevue.

Now, finally at the airport, Ava looked at Sig. She marveled at the deep blue of his eyes. How the slight wrinkles etched the sides of his eyes. The way his hair waved over his head. His scent - she'd miss that the most. His hand caressed the side of her face.

"Call me when you get it, okay? I'll see you soon."

She reached up to kiss him and he met her own. They were in a small hallway that led to restrooms. The secrecy, Ava had to admit, was becoming extremely erotic.

"I will, Sig. Thank you for everything."

He winked, turned and walked away. She stood, arms at her sides, watching him disappear into the crowds, but not before he turned back and shot her his infamous glare. Ava's knees went weak.

Driving home, Sig's thoughts were consumed by his beautiful, beautiful Ava. He loved saying her name. He loved her soft hair and the curve of her hips. The way she hung on to his every word. And the way she marveled at his ship when he took her there for dinner. His wife, Tara, was unimpressed. Tara was only impressed by the house Sig had specially built for her. She oversaw the entire project. Picked out every shade of paint, carpet, furniture. Tara loved him, he knew, but she loved her comfortable lifestyle more. She didn't want to work. She still wanted more. More money, better cars, better handbags.

But Ava had that carefree fuck-it-all lifestyle and attitude that he loved. She was still shy around him, but he was certain that under the right circumstances she could fight him word for word. She was stubborn and wanted to do the opposite of what was told. Her family and friends were suffocating her.

Sig was determined to bring the real Ava out. He'd seen the real Ava only a couple of times. In bed, between the sheets. When she cursed like a sailor, let him do what he wanted to her body only to sit up and turn the tables and laugh at his shocked look, eyes sparkling. Ava was a spitfire. Everything he wanted in a woman, but missed out on.

Somewhere in his brain he knew that he could emotionally hurt her. He knew he could emotionally hurt himself and his family. But Sig also knew that Ava would be worth it. He just hoped she'd tell her parents and they'd understand. Otherwise, a book signing in Palm Springs would be in order...

* * *

Three days later, now settled at home, Ava sat at the dinner table with her parents - Mike and Joan. They were discussing her trip still, and she thought it would be the perfect time to tell them of her alternate plans.

"Mom, dad... I need to tell you something." She took a deep breath and continued. "I've decided to not go to law school."

Both her mother and father's forks dropped to the fine china plates.

_Babe, baby, baby, I'm gonna leave you.  
I said baby, you know I'm gonna leave you.  
I'll leave you when the summertime,  
Leave you when the summer comes a-rollin'  
Leave you when the summer comes along._

Baby, baby, I don't wanna leave you,  
I ain't jokin' woman, I got to ramble.  
Oh, yeah, baby, baby, I believin',  
We really got to ramble.  
I can hear it callin' me the way it used to do,  
I can hear it callin' me back home!

-Led Zeppelin, "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You"


	8. Chapter 07: We're Strange Allies

A/N - Again, thank you for the reviews. The past handful I feel I should address. Nothing bad, of course!

_**Archermusician**_ - What you're reading right now is everything that leads up to Ava's wedding to Jake. There WILL be a chapter or two (depending on how I want to split it up) that take place after the wedding. So, as far as your question about nobody ever finding out? You'll have to wait and see. Remember, Ava must eventually get "in" with the NW Crew if they were all at her wedding. If anyone would happen to find out... The results could be awful. You'll have to wait and see! The ending is NOT what you think it will be.

_**Stormess**_ - That's the reaction I'm definitely aiming for. I'm trying to take the persona that we see on TV and wrap it around my plot and especially Ava. I know whenever I watch Sig, I can't help but wonder "What if?" To clarify, I am in no way molding myself to Ava's character. I'm nothing like her. My parents don't care what I do, as long as it makes me happy, and our looks are totally different. Ava may seem weak now, but trust me, she will get her chance to be manipulative and cunning.

**_Mahone-Chic_** - I'll be writing this story until it's over. I can't give a definite date as I'm starting full-time at my job now. I'm sure you know how it is with college. How is college? I miss my college days. Even though I just graduated in May!

**_DUCK-FART_** - Can I just say I cracked up over your user name!! I made duck farts once... NOT the best tasting, but it got the job done quickly! Anyway, I like to take my time with chapters. I have the entire plot mapped out in my head, so it's just a matter of dialoge and explanations to make it believable. The entire relationship with her and Sig will always be on the sly. And if you want to go ahead and formulate your own "version" of my plot, go right ahead! I was flipping between a relationship between the two Harris brothers or Sig. Me being a huge Sig fan had to go ahead and explore the "What if's" of this sort of relationship.

On with the story!

CHAPTER 08: WE'RE STRANGE ALLIES WITH WARRING HEARTS

Ava's heart sank. The clatter of the silverware to the fine china only meant that both of her parents were thinking the same thought - she was out of her mind.

Her mother spoke first. "What on earth makes you think that you can get a decent job now adays without some sort of masters or doctorate degree? Ava, your father is a lawyer. You can continue the firm in his name. This is what we discussed."

She shook her head, looking back and forth from her mother to father. "I can't just sit back and let you and dad decide what's best for me. What about what makes me happy? Do you honestly think studying for four hours a day every day made me happy?"

"The studying did land you on the Dean's List every semester and you graduated with honors. You had your choice of law schools," her father reasoned, crossing his arms. His dinner lay forgotten.

Ava's mind was racing. Her palms were beginning to sweat. She wiped them on her jeans and took a deep breath. This was going to take a lot of work.

"Dad, studying didn't make me happy. I missed out on college life. I barely talked to anyone at Princeton. I came home for holidays and summer and studied for all of the courses you told me to take. I'm not naturally smart like you, I had to work my ass off for something I didn't want just to make you and Mom happy!"

She'd said it. There was no going back now. She waited to exhale until one of her parents spoke.

"Making hundreds of thousands of dollars wouldn't make you happy?" her mother asked incredulously. How easy it was for Joan O'Hara simply married into money. She regretted not going to college as her mother pressed her to marry rich early and have children. Much to Ava's late grandmother's dismay, Mike O'Hara only wanted one child. It wasn't fair, he'd say, that he was always at work. And so one child was enough. Joan was determined to give Ava the best education money could buy. She'd make damn sure that Ava had the life she wanted. The good life of an education and steady job and to not be financially dependent on a male.

Ava's face grew redder. "Money isn't everything."

Now her mother laughed. Joan O'Hara sat next to her darling daughter and laughed, mocking her. "Oh, Ava. How would you ever survive without all of your designer clothing, shoes, bags... I'd love to see you shop at Wal-Mart or Target just once."

Mike was sitting back, watching the argument get angrier.

Ava slammed her fist down on the table. "Mom! You're the one who "shares" my closet and yells at me when I go up a size because you want that new Chanel blazer. I could care less! I've had this shoved down my throat ever since I can remember. This doesn't make me happy. I'm thankful that we live comfortably and that yes, I have a great education, but I don't want to go to school anymore. I don't want to be a lawyer."

"So," her father began, "what exactly do you want to do with your life? Sit around my house and watch TV? That's not going to happen. You need to learn how to manage money, get up and go to work with the rest of the real world."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sure I'll find something. Thanks to mom I do know my designers. I could work at one of the shops. Make commission. Sell. I don't know, I'll ge on Monster tonight and see who's hiring."

"It isn't that easy, Ava," her mother said quietly. "You have no work experience. Who's going to hire you?"

Sig's eyes flashed through Ava's mind and she tried her hardest to not smile and squirm in her seat. "I'd really like to go into PR. Manage celebrities. Dad knows enough from his company, I'm sure I can use that to my advantage. Maybe you and I can work together for a while?"

She was banking that his answer would be know. For Mike, it was always his way or the high way. His wife found out the hard way when he refused to have a second baby.

"You're to find your own method to support yourself monetarily starting at the beginning of this year. Come January, you are on your own. Food, clothing, insurance, housing. The works."

Ava knew her dad would be against her idea. But she had no idea that he would have said what he just said.

"Mike!" Joan shouted across the table, her eyes wide. "What are you talking about? Ava can stay here. There's plenty of room and she's our daughter!"

Mike shook his head, his lips in a thin line. "We gave her everything. If she thinks she can parade around here wearing stuff that I technicaly bought, she's got another thing coming. I paid for Princeton and the private schools. The tutoring. Everything. And now she means to waste it. I won't have it," he said. And with that, he got up from the dining room table and proceded to his study.

* * *

At the Hansen house in Seattle, Sig sat quietly at dinner. He glanced at the clock on the wall - it read 6:30 PM. It was 9:30 where Ava was. He wondered what she was doing right now. If she was thinking about him or if she had already forgotten him. He thought about driving her to the airport, wishing like hell he could turn around and take her up to a small cabin he owned out in the thick, forested Washington wilderness. He'd ravage her, not allowing her a moment to breath. He missed her. Everything about her.

"Would you like more potatoes, Sig?" Tara asked sweetly.

Sig glanced at his wife and offered a small smile. What Tara lacked in the bedroom, affection and personality, she made up for in cooking. The poor thing could have been a master chef in downtown Seattle. Instead, she had the silly idea to marry a fisherman. After all, he made hundreds of thousands and she wouldn't have to do a damn thing.

Sig cleared his throat. "No," he said gruffly. "I need to make a few phone calls - work bullshit. I'll be upstairs in the office."

Tara smiled again and watched him leave.

She was so lucky to have married such a handsome man. She was so unlucky to only get to see him for a handful of weeks during the year. Idly, she wondered if there was a way to cancel the Discovery Channel from just their houses' televisions.

Once upstairs, Sig's fingers flew over the keypad of the phone and dialed Ava's number.

On the opposite side and end of the country, Ava smiled to herself. Her ray of hope.

"Hey," she said softly, curling up in bed. "What's up?" She rolled her eyes at herself. Sig was twice her age - did she really think he'd ever use the phrase "what's up" ever again?

"Had to call you. God, Ava, I miss you. Have you told your parents?"

Ava was quiet for a long while before answering, choosing her words carefully. "I have. My dad told me I have until January to find a good paying job and I will have to move out into my own place and support myself. He's furious. My mom is crushed."

Sig put his face in his hand and mumbled through splayed fingers. "I'm so sorry, Ava. This is my fault. I never should have drug you into this mess."

Now Ava laughed. "Sig, I beat myself up over whether or not to even call you the day after we met. I was so scared. I wanted it though."

"Wanted? Past tense?" Sig asked seriously. He knew Ava loved his voice when he was serious, demanding. She'd told him through whispers and gasps that his voice was the sexiest thing about him.

On the other end, Ava smiled slyly to herself. "Okay - want. You mean to tell me you still want me?"

"Every minute of the day."

"I needed to talk to you about something serious, Ava. I'm heading up to Alaska in September and you won't be hearing from me for about two months. I'll call on the satellite phone when I can, but that'll be about once a month."

More bad news for Ava. She sighed heavily, eyes filling up with tears. She would not cry. Above all else, she would refuse to ever let a man see her cry ever again. Nate had seen her cry - seen her at her worst possible moments. The trust she put in him was destroyed when he simply left her for foreign countries. She wasn't good enough.

"Ava? Are you there? Fucking cell phone technolo-"

Ava burst out laughing. Sig could go from serious to pissed off to jovial with the flip of a switch. "I'm here. I was just thinking about how sad I'll be when you go up fishing in September."

He ran a hand through his hair. "I want you to come back up here one more, once before summer is over. How about August? Tara is taking the girls to Disneyland for a week so they can enjoy it without getting mobbed by fans asking for autographs. I'll have the place to myself."

She sighed heavily. Her parents, she knew, would never go for it. "I don't know..." she trailed off.

"Why not?"

"I told you, my dad said I'm on my own. There's no way I'll ask him for another plane ticket," she explained. She hated her parents at this moment. She needed Sig.

He didn't miss a beat. "I'll send you money for a ticket. Just come out, Ava. God, I need you so much. I can't even touch Tara without thinking about you and wishing that she was you. I want you."

A jolt rushed through Ava's body. She laid back on her pillows and stretched. "I'd need a pretty fantastic reason to tell my parents as to why I'm going back out to Seattle."

Sig breathed out, thinking along with Ava. It took seconds until he thought of his proposition to Ava the last day they spent together. "Did you tell them about going into PR?"

"I might have mentioned it, yes."

Sig continued. "Well, tell them that you know of a firm out here that's looking to hire - tell them Peter or whatever his name is found the job opening for you. That week in August you can come out here to _interview_ and when you go back, you'll tell them you got the job."

She bit her lip, thinking it over. It did sound like a good plan, only she didn't want to leave the rest of her extended family in Florida. Not right now.

"You want me to move to Seattle?"

Her question caught Sig off guard. It would be amazing for her to live so close, yet it would prove to be dangerous. They would have to have a summer-only relationship. "No... Tell them that you have clients in Florida and Seattle and you'll mainly be traveling to Seattle during the summer months."

She'd be able to see Sig. Talk to him. Only - she still had no real job.

"Sig... It's not a real job. I need to move out on my own, don't you remember?"

"I'll send you money."

Ava sat straight up in bed. "No! You can't do that. What if Tara would find out? It would do so much damage. We have to stay as secretive as possible, you know that."

He laughed at her rambling on. "I'm the married one here. We have three accounts - a joint and one for each of us. I'll take the money from mine and wire it to yours. All you need to do is find an apartment, make sure you're unavailable to your parents, and in the summer come out here and let me have my way with you."

Another jolt rushed through Ava and she let out a low moan.

"Are you thinking about me?" his voice dropped again.

He was driving her crazy and he was over a thousand miles away. He was dangerous, and she wanted more. She couldn't think of the what if's now. What if their crazy relationship would come to an end? Then what would she do? She'd have no money, no job, and an apartment to pay rent for. What if they got caught? His wife would be devastated, his reputation - ruined. His voice ran through her mind again and she smiled.

_It was so, so worth it._

"So, Sig, when is she going away to Disneyland? I'll need to make sure my schedule is clear."

She heard him laugh and it sent a chill down her spine. "Now you're talking, baby."

The space between  
The tears we cry  
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more  
The space between  
The wicked lies we tell  
And hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again?  
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me  
Like 'Will it rain today?'  
Waste the hours with talking, talking  
These twisted games we're playing

We're strange allies  
With warring hearts  
What wild-eyed beast you be  
The space between  
The wicked lies we tell  
And hope to keep safe from the pain

-- Dave Matthews Band - "The Space Between"


	9. Chapter 08: So Sudden And Sweet

A/N - So, the song that's used in this chapter is the song that I was listening to while I thought of the entire plot. It's the song that truly lets you dear readers know exactly what's going through Sig's mind now. If it's not obvious, he is infatuated with her. Ava, meanwhile, is beginning to feel some rather strong feelings herself for Sig. I listened to this song non-stop while writing the sequence when Ava steps off the plane. It actually really adds to the entire mood of this chapter if you listen to the song. The song is "Evidence" and it's by Marilyn Manson. Yes, I'm a Manson fan. I respect him as an artist and a lot of his songs are very catchy. Minus his whole on-stage personas of the past, he is a good performer. If you can, I'd recommend downloading this song and listening to it, especially during the sequence when Ava arrives back in Seattle. If you can't find it, PM me and I'll try to send you a copy. Cheers!

CHAPTER 09 - So Sudden And Sweet

The weeks seemed to stretch unforgivingly for both Sig and Ava. The minutes only trickled into hours and those hours slowly bled into days. Ava would spend her days "searching" for a job while trying to avoid any and all conflict with her parents. Sig spent his time working on his boat, thinking about Ava and trying his best to try to focus his attention on his wife.

They talked almost every day. Sometimes they had hours to spend on the phone, other times a few seconds. Either way, it was Sig who usually would call just to check up on Ava. At first it was just a cute thing he liked to do. Hearing Ava's voice at the end of a long day was just the relaxing ticket his weary body needed sometimes. Once or twice he'd caught her when she was out with friends and a sort of heat bubbled up from his stomach and spread through his body. Of course he didn't really think Ava would spend every night at a home that she didn't want to be in. But what if she would find somebody while out at a bar or a nightclub? What if she found someone and she pushed him away? The thoughts consumed him one night while his wife slept soundly beside him, wearing nothing but expensive French lingerie.

What if Ava would find another man and never see him again? His desperate attempt to seduce her would be in vain. The most beautiful creature he'd ever laid eyes on would be happy in the arms of another man?

His vision blurred to red.

Sig leaped up from bed and tried his best to silently storm out of his bedroom and into his office down the hall. He paced. He paced until he gave himself a headache and until he'd memorized every spot that would creak on the floor.

Frantically, his hands flew for his cell phone lying carelessly on the desk. He pushed a few buttons and the phone on the opposite end rang.

Ava, meanwhile, was sound asleep. It was 3 in the morning.

"Hello?" she said groggily.

"I don't like you going out at night, Ava," Sig said quickly. "I don't like not knowing where you are. I want you to be _mine._"

She ran a hand through her hair, trying to process what he'd said. Be his? He already had a significant other that he wasn't about to leave - he'd told her himself. How dare he?

"Call me in the morning when I can actually open my eyes and you've had time to realize how ridiculous you are right now, Sig. Goodnight."

Ava snapped her phone shut and rested back in bed. She smiled to herself. Now, more than ever, she knew that Sig Hansen was totally infatuated with her.

The next morning, he didn't speak a word about what he'd said earlier that morning. Ava noticed a significant change in him, though. Every time they spoke now, Sig was sure to tell Ava that they had an exclusive relationship, and he wanted her for himself. To lighten the mood, Ava laughed it off. Exclusive relationship? She didn't think so. He was the one who was married. But, as long as he was willing to carry out their clandestine relationship, Ava was willing to go along with Sig's demanding ideas.

* * *

Just as Sig had promised, he wired her money for a plane ticket. Her parents were still against the idea, but they were slowly realizing that Ava wasn't going to change her mind. The week before she left for Seattle was torture - mentally and physically. She physically missed Sig and his mind games on the phone weren't helping either.

But, when she stepped off the plane and saw him waiting for her in his white pick-up, all of the days of waiting faded away.

"Hey, stranger," Ava said with a grin. She could hardly believe that three months ago she was leaving, thinking she wouldn't see him for an entire year. Some part of her thought that they'd grow apart, realizing it was just a stupid fling that didn't mean anything. The other part of Ava desperately clung to the idea that she would once again be wrapped up in this demanding man's arms, safe from the rest of the world she despised.

Exhaling the smoke from his lungs, Sig looked at her through his black sunglasses. One corner of his mouth tugged upward in a lopsided grin. Ava wanted nothing more than to throw herself at him. She quickly climbed into his massive pick-up and they were off.

"How are you?" he asked, eyes focused on the road.

Ava breathed out heavily. "I'm pretty good. I didn't think I'd be here again for another year. It's nice to be back."

They came to a red light and Sig's hand moved over to rest on her upper thigh. Ava's breath hitched in her throat. How could one person control her emotions like they were her own? It wasn't right.

"It's going to be just the two of us this week. I'm going to introduce you to my crew as our new PR manager. Because you are," Sig blurted out. "I'm not going to sit at home and listen to you bitch and moan about how you hate what your parents are doing to you, Ava. You're going to work for me, I'm going to pay you, and I want you to move out here. I need you here."

Her head spun. The light turned green and Sig sped up, passing cars and trucks alike, in a desperate fury to reach his home. A home Ava's never been to.

Of course she'd take the job. This would ensure her ties with Sig and soon enough his crew would only strengthen. Ava would be able to call his house and cell phone without looking suspicious. She'd have real income; not the "wired money" Sig always talked about. Somewhere in her foggy brain, Ava wondered if that term was part of a language barrier. The only time she heard him speak Norwegian was that night on his boat, when he cursed out his brother for leaving fake animals in the sink. She knew when she'd hear him speak she'd be a puddle of mush on the ground.

But move to Seattle? She wanted to get away from her parents, true, but the reason why she was in Florida was because of her grandparents on both her mother and father's side. Both her maternal and paternal grandparents agreed with her parents, but Ava knew that their time was limited. Growing up in South Carolina, Ava always had the dream of living in Charleston forever in a huge, sprawling plantation house with lots of tall, billowing oak trees lining a dirt road to the staircase to the entrance of her house. Her father, however, wanted to move to Florida to be close to his parents as well as his wife's. She loved being so close to her extended family. How could she leave her extended family?

"Sig, I'll do everything you asked of me except move to Seattle. I love my grandparents. You know that they're not in the best health right now... There's no way I could leave them. The only way I could leave them is if I got married. They'd understand that."

Sig was quiet for a moment. He coughed. "I'm not going to marry you, Ava. I can't. The job will keep you busy in Florida. Would you be willing to come out to Seattle in the summer?"

She bit her lip. Sig looked over at her as he turned down a tree-lined street with what looked like oil-lit lamps. Behind the massive trees were huge compounds with clapboard shingles, angled roofs and a plethora of Lexus, Mercedes and BMW SUV's. This must be where the Microsoft executives live, Ava thought.

"Of course. I'd just need an apartment."

The mere thought of having Ava spend an entire summer in Seattle sent Sig's brain into a frenzy. He immediately pictured stealing precious moments with her in her apartment in the morning; in the afternoon when he was dirty and sweaty; at night when he would be able to sneak out of the house to "go to the docks"... He gripped her thight tighter.

"Anything Ava. I'll do anything if you say you'll come out here next summer and spend it with me."

And just like that, Ava had a real job with a man whom she'd now agreed to be in a relationship with. Never mind the fact that he was married.

"Alright, Sig. I'll be your PR manager."

The smile on his face widened even more.

* * *

That night, their time together was anything but gentle. Months of pent up need and want was released in the span of several hours. Sig and Ava spent those hours exploring each other and Ava spent time exploring Sig's house - his stairs, kitchen counter, living room floor, and even his bedroom where Sig had cleverly hid every picture he didn't want her to see. Much later, as she rested with Sig's arm around her middle she looked over at him and began to think about his job.

It was deadly. How would she handle it when he was going to leave in just a few months? She's been so used to having him call her every night. Soon, she was going to get one phone call a month if she was lucky. He'd be thousands of miles away on the cold, unforgiving Bering Sea. His life and his crew's life would be at risk with every wave. True, she'd be able to watch the season of Deadliest Catch on TV, but would she want to? Would she want to watch the man she cared about so much risk his life every minute for weeks on end?

What would happen if - No. She quickly extinguished the thought from her mind. She refused to think about the ultimate sacrifice he and the crew may very well make. He'd come back for not only his family, but her. She'd pray for him every night. Idly, she played with his soft blond hair. It smelled so much of the sea. When he slept, she could see the faint lines by his eyes. His breathing was slow, but a bit raspy. Probably from all those years of smoking, Ava thought. Ava followed the muscles on his arms. They weren't big, but she could see the definition from years of working on a crab boat. If he looked like this and he was a captain, his brother's must be jacked, she thought.

He moved, eyes opening slowly.

"Hey..." she trailed off.

He moved up to kiss her softly. He ran a hand through his hair and moved on top of her. Ava thought to herself that no other man she'd ever been with had been this crazy about her. She never wanted another man as much as she wanted Sig. As he moved above her (the first time he was ever gentle with her), she began to realize how scared she was of losing him. Sig was the first man to ever stick up and support her own ideas and what she wanted to do with her life. Ava had counted on him so many times these past weeks to be her rock - to comfort her when her parents were demanding.

Sig's hand moved down her side and hooked her leg around his waist. "You're mine, Ava."

Idly, she nodded her head. Of course she'd agree with him. He read her body like a book, knew what she wanted and, most importantly, was there to support her.

Her entire being registered what was going on immediately following her nodding - and she immediately tried to block it out. She would not fall this hard for him.

But... But when she looked up into his eyes and saw the intensity, she became terrified. Never before had she ever seen a man look at her like this. He moved as if he owned her body. It was a delicious feeling. Perhaps they were each meant for each other.

Perhaps she was the luckiest woman alive when Sig leaned to whisper into her ear "I don't know how I ever lived without this."

Much later that night, Ava was still awake. They'd finally sated each other and lay in a mess of pillows and blankets on Sig's massive bed. Her clothing was missing completely - garements were littered on the stairs, living room and kitchen. It didn't matter, though, as Sig's body kept her warm.

Tomorrow she'd be meeting his crew. Tomorrow, she thought, started the first day of the rest of her life - with Sig, but tragically without him.

I want you Wanting me  
I want what I see in your eyes  
So give me something to be scared of,  
Don't give me something to satisfy

You're so sudden and sweet  
All legs, knuckle, knees  
Head's blown clean off  
Your mouth's paid off  
Fuck me 'til we know it's unsafe  
And we'll paint over the evidence

I want your pain  
To taste why you're ashamed  
And I know you're not just what you say to me  
And I'm not the only moment you're made of

"Evidence" - Marilyn Manson


	10. Chapter 09: You Could Be Mine

CHAPTER 9: You Could Be Mine

Ava stretched - cat-like in the huge, fluffy and warm bed she smiled to herself. Her entire body felt full and complete and utterly at peace. Before she even opened her eyes she took a deep breath in and was greeted by the sea: He was still asleep next to her. Ava sat up and looked around for her clothing but couldn't find a single article. Instead, she quickly hopped out of bed and padded over to her suitcase that - miraculously - made it upstairs. She quickly and quietly unzipped the black bag and pulled out an over-sized sweat shirt and cotton shorts. Looking back at Sig, she decided she'd wake him up rather than go exploring. After all, she didn't want to find anything that otherwise would be off-limits.

She leaned over him and pressed her lips to his forehead. He stirred, eyes blinking quickly.

"I believe today I'm meeting the crew of the Northwestern. Before I do that I'd really like a shower - any in particular I should use?"

Sig grunted and pointed to the frosted glass door. It must be the master bath, Ava noted.

When she stepped in the bathroom, her jaw dropped. It was like a spa. There were sinks on either side, both double, and in the middle was a massive soaking tub. To the left was a massive walk-in shower with over-head shower heads and to the right was another frosted door. She guessed it lead to a walk-in closet. Ava didn't dare peek in there.

Her shower was heavenly and she rather enjoyed being wrapped up in a fluffy black towel while Sig went about dressing for the day. They barely spoke except for short sentences.

"Do you think they'll like me?" asked Ava as she buckled up her seat belt.

"Of course they'll like you. They'll love you. What's not to like?" Sig looked back at her.

The drive to the dock took only a few minutes. Ava was locked in her head, a million thoughts going through it at once. She knew of Sig's other brothers - Norman and Edgar - but not of the other crew. It was as if Sig was reading her thoughts.

He took a drag of his cigarette before he started. "There are two other deckhands on the boat. Matt Bradley, who's been a friend of Edgar for decades now, and Nick Mavar. Nick is kind of reserved like Norman, but Matt is the opposite. He's loud, outgoing but is a recovering addict. He's made such a great recovery and we're happy for him. Dude deserves a fresh start and I'm glad it's with my boat. And..." he trailed off.

Ava was hanging on to his every word. "And?"

Sig laughed a bit. "We have a new greenhorn. A rookie, if you will."

"How did you find him?" Ava asked. She knew that it was very difficult to get a job on a crab boat as Sig had told her how he counted his lucky stars every day.

"Jake's a friend of Nick's brother. He's not going out for King crab this fall, but he'll be there for Opies in the winter. And he'll be there today."

She bit her lip. Why was Sig acting so strange when he was talking about Jake? Was he young like Ava? Was Sig unsure about a new greenhorn on his ship? Just from what she'd read about the crew and from what information Sig had given Ava, she knew it was like a family. In order to work on the deck, everyone had to trust each other like family. It took a long time for that trust to be earned and once earned it was treasured. The jobs were few and far between and whoever could get in with a crew in Dutch Harbor was practically set for life if he worked above and beyond his best ability.

"He's Norwegian." Sig laughed really hard at this for some reason.

Ava couldn't help but chuckle a bit, too. "What's so funny about that?" she questioned as they pulled to the curb, Sig parking the truck.

"He's going to be just as hard-headed as me and my brothers that's what. Plus... Well, I'm just going to keep him away from you."

Sig looked at her, his blue eyes hardening. She knew that look. It made her lick her lips. "Why's that, Captain Hansen?"

"You're mine, that's why. And you're not going to get involved with a crab fisherman unless it's me. I trust me. I don't trust other guys out there."

Ava rolled her eyes. "You worry too much. What makes you think I'm going to fall in love with Jake and run away with him to Vegas, hm? Don't worry."

They had to walk a few blocks to get to the dock. During this time Sig prepped her.

"I told them all that you are a PR major and that you specifically are dealing with entertainment PR which'll be perfect for us. You'll be in charge of scheduling interviews, flights, busses, transfers, umm... TV shows. Coordinating meet and greets - you name it. You're my life organizer and the organizer for the entire Northwestern name."

The sky was bright blue overhead with light, wispy clouds. The water was a bit choppy and her hair was blowing in the wind. When Sig turned to offer his hand to help her on the deck, his breath hitched in his throat.

"You are so beautiful, Ava."

She blushed and smiled up at him. Why on earth did he think that Jake would win her heart? It was slowly bleeding out for Sig Hansen.

Ava was greeted by loud yelling and whistling. Edgar and Matt, she imagined. Because the water was a bit choppy, and because she was a bit of a clutz, Ava immediately had to grab ahold of something when Sig helped her up onto the deck. That something was Sig's shoulders. And she knew instantly that she was just a bit too close in front of a bit too big crowd. She blushed again and pushed away. Turning, she smiled widely at the crew. Matt and Edgar rushed forward to shake her hand. Well, Matt did and then Edgar had to top him. He shook Ava's hand and pulled her in for a hug.

"So," he began, "you're the one who's going to be our ring leader? Keep us all in line? Tell us where to go, when we're going there and what to say?"

Nodding, Ava said "Yeah, something like that. We'll take it one day at a time for right now. I'm just here to meet everyone and to lay out what you have going on for the rest of the summer."

As Ava was talking to Matt and Edgar, she was hoping she sounded professional. Was professional the way to be? Did she want to befriend the crew as to make it look like she was just another one of the guys? It was going to take a while to flesh out. Ava realized that Edgar looked nothing like Sig - the only similarity were their blue eyes. How could eyes be that dark blue? It was amazing.

"Anyway," she continued, "I am so excited to meet you all! And thanks for allowing me the chance to be your PR manager. I'm so excited. It's my first job right out of college."

"Will you move here?" asked Matt. They were slowly moving into the galley. Ava began to get a bit nervous. First, she had to answer and she had the sinking feeling that this is where Jake was hiding out.

Sig had disappeared up to the wheelhouse by now, but she could feel his hard and cold stare. She shivered involuntarily.

"Just in the summer. I live in Florida, actually, and want to stay there for another few years. My grandparents live there and they're not in the best health. I'd like to spend as much time as I can with them. One day, though, I would imagine I would be living in Seattle."

She was beginning to get a bit overwhelmed. Meeting everyone, the huge ship and the gentle rocking. Not to mention she knew Sig was no doubt listening in on their conversation. Her brain was throwing dozens of ideas around and she was trying to catch only the good ones. She tried to make everything as believable as possible. Ava hoped it didn't seem like she was on edge. And, of course, she wanted the crew to like her. She wanted to fit in.

Just to amp up Sig's heart she quickly added "Seattle is quickly becoming home. I love it here."

Edgar laughed. "Wait until the winter and spring. Snow and rain. It's a miracle it's sunny today!"

Ava laughed with Edgar and she flipped her hair back, the wind blowing it every which way.

When she entered, another Hansen greeted her - Norman.

"You must be Ava," Norman said with his hand outstretched. "I'm Norman, the only level-headed Hansen."

Matt's hands flew to his chest as he pretended to hold onto the shelves that held the TV with other various electronic equipment. "This is the most Norman's ever spoke. You must have a way with the Hansens! Please teach me!"

'If Matt only knew,' thought Ava.

Norman rolled his eyes and smiled sheepishly. He too pulled her into a hug. When he shook her hand she noticed that he wasn't married. Norman's hug was warm and genuine as opposed to Edgar's bear hug that she still wasn't sure about. Was he crushing her to his chest to feel hers or was it just the way Edgar was? Only time would tell.

"It's very nice to know you, Norman," Ava smiled.

"Nick's the only one not here today. His daughter's ballet recital is later this afternoon. HEY GREENHORN!" Edgar shouted. He shouted so loud that Ava cringed and she heard loud steps from the wheel house followed by those footsteps coming down the stairs rather quickly. "I'm sure Sig's told you about Jake. He's still a greenhorn. Hell of a kid. Pretty good looking, too. Well, nothing really compared to me, you know," he winked.

Ava chuckled and Matt playfully punched Edgar's shoulder.

The door flew open and she was assaulted by the brightest pair of blue eyes on the planet. This must be Jake. He was tall and lanky, about the same height as Ava and therefore just about an inch or two above Sig. His arms were long but muscled, not thick but toned. When he reached out to shake her hand Ava was shocked that they were already so rough and weathered by the sea. His hair was sticking out wildly under his black Northwestern hat and he had a matching black tee-shirt on.

He was her age, she guessed. Maybe a year or two off. And she knew why Sig was putting the warning out to her. His eyes widened when he took her hand in his.

"Ava, is it? Nice to meet you. I'm Jake Anderson."

"Nice to meet you too, Jake. Is this your first year on the ship, now?"

Jake nodded as he took his hat off to run his hand through hair. "Yes, ma'am. I'm staying behind for King but I'll be out with the rest of the guys for Opies next year."

He's never seen someone as beautiful as Ava. It wasn't supermodel beautiful - it was just wholesome beauty. Curves, shiny hair, and a great smile - not stick skinny and a face created by plastic. She was real and he was in love instantly. His mind was racing. What would Sig think? She was to be their lifeline in their crazy schedule that was their life now outside of fishing. Knowing Sig, Jake just knew that he would not like this idea at all.

Jake watched as Ava turned and took a few steps towards the large table. Once her back was turned Matt gave him two thumbs up and winked before mouthing "Holy shit..."

In a few minutes, Ava was seated around the dinner table with Jake and Edgar on either side as well as Norman and Matt at the ends. Sig was still up in the wheelhouse but the door was open.

Ava had her laptop out and was inputting every event that they had scheduled for the summer. How these guys fished and managed their hectic schedule of interviews and traveling was beyond her. She'd be exhausted in a week in their shoes. TV shows, radio talk shows, Disney World (she was going to try and find a way to go to that one, after all she lived in Florida), traveling to visit family in Norway. Not to mention school events for their children and just to have downtime with their loved ones. Norman really didn't go to too many events and neither did Nick. The two of them were more private which Ava thought was refreshing yet felt bad for them. How difficult it must be to have a sense of normalcy in their crazy world all thanks to a TV show.

An hour and a half later, their summer was planned. She'd be contacting airlines to reserve tickets and book hotel rooms. Calling to reconfirm already scheduled and confirm new show appearances. Every new item made her smile - it would be another day she'd be in direct contact with Sig.

She wondered what he was doing up there. Was he staying away since Jake was in the same room with her? She knew that Jake was staring. Sig would go ballistic if he knew.

Ava knew he'd go ballistic... Yet when Jake asked her a simple question she didn't know why her brain didn't register this fact one more time. She would admit to anyone that Jake was very good looking and so far very sweet to her, but she needed to keep her relationship with Sig. He was the one to pull her away from a life she didn't want to live. He made her feel alive. It was dangerous and she craved it. With every fiber of her being, she craved Sig Hansen.

They were headed out of the galley to call it a day when Jake grabbed her arm lightly. He was blushing like crazy and smiling wide. His eyes were so light... They were stunning.

He took a deep breath before he started. "Ava, would you like to get a drink with me tonight?"

She heard a loud crash from up in the wheelhouse followed by a few footsteps that stopped short of the stairs. He was waiting for her answer.

"Oh, Jake, I'd love to, but I'm so tired from my flight. I think I'm just going to call it a night. And Sig already told me he was taking me out to grab something for dinner quickly and to give me keys and phone numbers for my new cell phone..."

Was that too much? She just wanted to work his name in that sentence once. Of course, Jake had no idea so it wasn't like Ava was trying to convince Jake. She was just trying to convince herself that Jake was totally off-limits and that she'd have to put a stop to his deep stares.

Jake looked instantly deflated. Ava heard Sig coming down the stairs.

"What's the matter, Jakey?" Sig asked. He was standing behind Jake and looking straight at Ava. She swore his glare was going to cut her right in two. Ava wanted to yell at the top of her lungs that she said no, that she'd always say no. Even though Sig couldn't give her an ultimate "yes," Ava just knew that she'd deny any other man in her life.

He turned around to face his captain. "Nothing, just got shot down asking this pretty lady out for a drink."

"She's a spitfire, this one. Poor Jake. Why not go out for a drink, Ava? Get to know some new people? I'm sure the Harris brothers will be wherever Jake is."

Ava's mouth dropped open. What was he getting at? Was he or was he not the one who warned her on their drive over? Was it a test? She had no clue what to say. Jake's back was now facing Sig and she saw Sig nod. His expression was unreadable. It made her uneasy at once.

She nodded and quickly said "Okay, sounds great them. Sig, we'll just meet up tomorrow to go over plans? Want to pick me up at 7, Jake?"

When Jake turned around his eyes were sparkling. "Great! What hotel are you staying at?"

"Actually," Sig began, "She's staying in my guest room. I want Ava to feel like family. Like one of us. I want her to feel welcome."

With that, Sig put his hand on her lower back to guide Ava out. She was out first, followed by Sig. Jake exited the galley last. Ava could feel Sig's hand hard on her lower back. She wished he could read her mind. She was terrified yet thrilled at the same time.

"What the hell was that all about?" Ava asked getting into Sig's pick-up.

Sig light up a cigarette and rolled down the window. "If Jake falls in love with you like I'm sure he's going to, you'd move out here."

She was very sure she was missing the big picture. Didn't Sig just warn her about Jake two hours ago? He was the one who was scared she would be interested in Jake.

"What do you mean?" she asked quietly. Ava had a sinking feeling she knew the answer. Could she do that to someone?

Sig took a deep breath in and let the smoke out through his nostrils. "What I mean, Ava, is that I saw the way you looked at Jake. It's not the way you look at me, but you think he's good-looking. He's a hell of a worker, treats ladies the way they should be treated. What would be so wrong with a relationship with him? You'd be out here in Seattle all the time. As in... You'd live here."

"...You want me to be in a relationship with someone and still have you on the side?" Her voice was monotone. She'd been right. How could she do this? Cheat on someone who would no doubt worship the very ground she walked on. Base a relationship off of a lie. Still be involved with a man who is married and has two children. How messed up would this situation become?

Sig laughed his deep, raspy laugh. "You're my main relationship. You are all I think about and all I crave. You feel the same way about me. I could not live without having you, Ava. I need you every second of the day. This would be a way to solidify everything."

Ava didn't respond to him. How could she? What was there to say? The hole they were both in was growing. It was too late to turn back with Sig, but would she be able to take innocent Jake along for a ride that he'd never know about? Would Ava condemn him to a life based off of a lie?

Sig looked over at Ava who was staring out the window. He rested a hand on her thigh. "Ava, I've already told you that you treat me better than my wife. I'm myself when I'm around you. I am good enough with you. Please don't take that away. It would put you in an awful situation, but I'm in the same boat. Pun intended."

Ava laughed a little bit.

"All joking aside, we'd be in the same situation together. Jake would never, ever hurt you. We could still carry on."

She shook her head, not saying anything.

They were quiet for a long while before Ava finally spoke. "Who says Jake will actually like me that much?"

"If he has half a brain, which I know he does - he's on my boat for crying out loud - he will. But he won't love you as much as I love you."

Ava's breath caught in her throat. '...as much as I love you.' She had him. Over the past few months her attraction to Sig grew to affection and slowly into love. Their phone calls at night while she was in Florida, their first time during her graduation party and now this: Sig loves her. Whether or not he meant it or not, he had said it, and those words would be her comfort forever.


	11. Chapter 10: The Shape Of Things To Come

Chapter 10: In The Shape Of Things To Come

Trying to keep the smile on his face as normal as possible and as little Cheshire cat-like was a difficult challenge. Jake spent the rest of the afternoon helping deck boss Edgar with some tidying up around the ship. The more Edgar would remind him of how pretty and sweet Ava was, the more Jake's smile would widen. And he gets to spend tonight with her - a date!

He was sure it was Sig's doing: Setting him up with their new PR manager. It would be a way to keep Ava with their crazy family and it would be a method of keeping Jake with said family for as long as possible. Good help was hard to come by these days. Jake knew he should count his lucky stars for this opportunity of a lifetime. It was his dream to one day earn a Northwestern jacket. He'd do anything for it.

Fishing ran in his family as well. His grandfather and father were both fishermen. It was only logical for Jake to follow in their footsteps. He already felt years behind everyone else. At 24 he was older than a lot of the guys who were already full shares. His day would come. No matter what, Jake would never give up his dream to be a full share deckhand on the Northwestern. Some people dreamed of being a CEO of a multi-billion dollar company; Jake dreamed of a life on the sea.

Jake felt that his dream was about to come true. Sig offered him the job, now he set him up with a smart, gorgeous woman. He was walking on air.

Jake glanced down at his watch and ran a hand through his long hair.

"What time are you meeting her?" Edgar asked.

His head snapped up and a blush crept up on his cheeks. He'd been caught. "I'm picking her up at 7 from Sig's house."

Edgar's head cocked to the side. "She's staying at Sig's place? Not a hotel?"

Jake shrugged his shoulders. He tossed the last bit of line in a cabinet and shut the door. "Something about making her feel more at home."

"Oh," was Edgar's only reply. "Tara and the girls will be home from Disneyland in two days. I guess Ava will be leaving then."

Jake was visibly deflated. "Oh. I guess I have to make tonight count!"

"Don't go scaring our new manager! We need her. Life's too busy with all of this Discovery nonsense. I mean, sure I love it... But sometimes it can be a real pain in the ass. You'll see," Edgar explained.

Jake nodded. It was all he could really do. Only two days with Ava? Just like his job on the Northwestern, he knew this would take time.

Later than evening, Ava stood in Sig's room in a bra and underwear, looking at the options she had in her suitcase.

"You know," she stared, "I didn't even bring anything really nice to wear out. I didn't know I'd have to go out to a bar while I was here this time."

Sig was standing in the doorway, propped up against it. He didn't say anything.

When he didn't respond, Ava turned around. "What?"

Sig shook his head. Sometimes words weren't enough to express a feeling. He watched her for just a couple of minutes, but he was locked in his own head. Sig knew he could stare at her for hours and it would still be as if he was looking at her for the first time. It had to be some sort of trick, a cruel joke life threw at him. Why couldn't Tara look at him the way Ava did? Why wouldn't she say the same things Ava would? When did she stop loving him - or did she ever? He tried explaining to Tara years ago that being the wife of a fishermen was a blessing and a curse. She would be able to live a comfortable lifestyle but she'd share her husband with the sea. It was a tradeoff she'd been willing to take. Now, however, if Tara would be given the chance again, he was sure she'd run as fast as she could the other way.

Ava still looked at him as if she were looking at him for the first time. For the first time in years, he felt wanted.

"How late are you going to be out tonight?" he asked.

She smiled and shook her head at him. "Are you going to act like my father, now? Set a curfew for me?" she laughed, pulling a white shirt over her head.

It was like a twinkling bell in his ear, her laughter. "Wear those jeans with that shirt. And your heels."

Ava lifted an eyebrow and turned around to pull out her black heels. She pulled on her jeans and slipped her feet into the impossibly high shoes. "Will you be up when I get home?"

Sig crossed his arms, watching the way her body bent as she dressed herself. The jeans hugged her in all the right places and the shirt was just a bit low-cut -- nothing too indecent. It was the shoes, though, that drove Sig crazy. They were shiny black leather with a super skinny heel. Every bit of four inches, she'd gain height over both him... And Jake.

"I'll be up in more ways than one. And make sure you keep those shoes on tonight."

Now Ava was confused. "Why would I put my bare feet on a gross floor?"

Now Sig shook his head. "I meant keep them on when you get home and come up here to my room. Everything else can come off, just keep the shoes on."

Playing the part of the perfect gentleman, Jake parked his truck and came up to Sig's front door. Ava stood back a bit, watching what wasn't an awkward situation in the least. Sig played it off as if nothing was wrong. He joked around, told Jake to be at the dock to help Edgar and Matt again, and then shooed he and Ava out the door.

Ava turned around to glance at Sig and he glared at her, eyes hardening to sapphire blue. She shuddered.

"Have you met Josh and Jake Harris?" Jake asked Ava as they rounded the corner out of Sig's driveway.

She shook her head. "Nope. Are they going to be there?"

"Absolutely. They're in town to do some publicity thing with Jonathan and Andy."

It was like some crazy fraternity. She had a lot of catching up to do and a lot of names to put with unfamiliar faces. She'd manage, though.

The bar was packed - getting a seat at the bar proved to be almost impossible. Ava was grateful for a couple leaving, otherwise she'd have to endure an awkward situation at a booth. Jake and Josh Harris weren't there and she was hoping they'd show up soon.

Jake sat down and immediate turned to her. She looked at him and couldn't help but smile. He was a really good-looking guy. Ava saw the way other girls in the bar looked at him. One particular woman with shiny black hair couldn't take her eyes off of him. So, she did what any girl gloating that she was at a bar with a hot guy - she put her hand on his arm.

She was not expecting the shock that ran up her arm when she made contact with him.

"What's it like living in Florida? Do you like it? Are you going to move here? And... How did you meet Sig?" he rambled off. As his string of questioned went on, his face got redder and redder. "I'm sorry," he confessed sheepishly.

Ava laughed it off. "No, no, it's fine. Would you like the full story of the abridged version of my first twenty-three years on the planet?"

Jake ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I don't know how much time we have until Josh and Jake get here, but I'll listen to whatever you tell me."

She didn't think a bar was the best place to ramble off little details, so she'd try to keep it as brief as possible. "Hmm. Florida is the best. I love palm trees, you know. My entire family lives there - parents, grand parents, aunts and uncles, cousins. I don't just like it, I love living there. My hair, however... Not so much... It'll just frizz up the minute I step outside so who knows why I even bother trying to straighten it," she caught herself mid-ramble, hands waving all over the place and nearly knocking over her vodka and cranberry. "What?" Ava chuckled.

He was staring right into her eyes. It wasn't until then that she noticed his hand was now on her arm. Jake smiled at her. "You can keep going," he said laughing, eyes sparkling.

Was it even possible for guys' eyes to sparkle? It definitely was the case. Jake grinned sheepishly and looked down.

Ava tried to remember what else Jake had asked her. Other than Sig, Jake was the first guy to give her attention since her ex-boyfriend. Thinking back, though, Ava realized Sig was the only other person because he was the only guy she wanted attention from.

How was this fair to Jake?

Caught up in her own mind, she missed what Jake said.

"What was that?"

Jake smiled and shook his head a bit. "I said keep talking, I like to listen to you."

Now it was Ava's turn to blush. She was a woman after all, and Jake's hand was still on her lower arm.

"My grandparents are really sick. I couldn't live at the opposite end of the country right now. I love them so, so much. They're the best. But, I suppose one day, yes, I'd like to live in Seattle. What's that town right outside where Bill Gates and all those billionaires live?" asked Ava.

"Bellevue?" Jake offered after taking a swig of his beer.

Ava smiled and nodded. "It would be my dream to live there! It's just gorgeous. Like a dream. Where do you live?"

"Anacortes," Jake offered. "It's about 80 miles from Seattle. I bought a small apartment in the city so I'm closer to the docks. And I spend so much time on the boat now, you know, Edgar is teaching me as much as possible before I go out for Opies with them."

She nodded, listening to his every word. "Is Anacortes very pretty?"

Before Jake could answer the bar tender came over. "Another round for the cute couple?" she chirped.

Ava laughed when she saw how red Jake's face became. "Sure," she said.

"Anacortes is kind of like this town on a peninsula into the water. It's peaceful. I think it's pretty."

They fell into a somewhat awkward silence until Jake looked at her straight in the eyes. Ava bit her lip. His eyes were almost too much. Almost.

"How'd you meet Sig?"

That one question seemed to make all of the noise in the bar fall on deaf ears, the people invisible. It was just her and Jake. How would she answer this? She couldn't tell him she met him at some bar the weekend she and her best friends graduated and made out in a dark corner before sleeping together in her hotel room a few days later. Maybe she could just say they did meet at a bar and leave the latter out. Besides, she knew that the rest of the crew were at the bar the night she and Sig met. She hated lying to him right off the bat. His innocent sky blue eyes were almost her undoing.

"My two best friends went to school here and I flew out for their graduation. I graduated from Princeton, by the way. And I met up with everyone at a bar and my one friend had spotted the crew. He immediately knew who they were. Sig came over to buy me a drink after Edgar practically dared him to. We got to talking and when I told him I graduated with a degree in communications, he asked if I would be interested in being the agent of the entire Northwestern family and I agreed. I got a job forty eight hours after graduating college," she explained. She hoped that it sounded believable. She wanted Jake to believe her. But she didn't want to lie to him.

Jake didn't say anything for a long while. He just stared at her. Ava became really nervous. He knew. She just knew that he saw right through her awful lie.

"Thank goodness you went to that bar that night," Jake said with a laugh.

Suddenly the bar became darker, the music louder. "Why's that?" asked Ava.

He pulled her closer to whisper in her ear. "You don't think it's funny that Sig and his brothers hire a young greenhorn for their ship and then a month later hire an intelligent, devastatingly beautiful young woman as their manager? You initially said no to me but Sig persuaded you to come out with me tonight. He's up to something and I really like his idea."

The bartender threw Ava a jealous glare from across the bar. But Ava couldn't help but smile. Jake smelled faintly of cigarettes but the rest... Of just innocence. Clean cotton and shampoo. Fresh.

She grabbed the rest of her drink and downed it before smiling back at Jake. "I'm not so sure I like what Sig's up to," she said coyly. "I barely know you."

"We have years to get to know each other," Jake countered.

Not but six hours ago Sig had told Ava while driving back to his house that this would happen. It was her security, her reason for moving to Seattle. Maybe in a few years she could do this, but right now... She couldn't do this.

Right as Ava was opening her mouth to answer, two guys who were definitely brothers busted through the door to the bar. The taller one pointed to Ava's date for the night and shouted at the top of his lungs: "Jake Anderson!"

The smile on Jake's face faded. "Well, here's Josh and Jake. I hope you like them. I'll try to keep Josh off of you, promise."

Jake could barely finish his sentence before Josh and Jake strode up and shook hands with Ava's Jake.

Ava's Jake? She shook her head and held out her hand. "Ava, it's nice to meet you."

The older Harris brother pulled her into a hug, smashing her chest to his and smiled down at her. "Very nice to meet you. You're fuckin' slammin', how the hell did Anderson get so lucky?"

And with that, the rest of her night was a blur of loud music, cigarette smoke and a countless number of double vodka and cranberry drinks.

The Harris brothers proved to be total party guys. They constantly had to out do each other: Cigarettes, shots, ridiculous stories. It wasn't until Ava challenged them to a tequila contest that they stumbled. She found out that they needed a little help to get the harsh liquid down.

"What, you need training wheels?" Ava teased. She smiled over at Jake and winked. "Three shots of Jose and no salt and no piece of ridiculous fruit, either. C'mon boys, it's time to take a shot of tequila like a man!"

Three shots later, they were carrying Jake Harris out of the bar. He was the smallest of the four of them. And, apparently he'd been drinking since five o'clock that night while claiming that it was a Saturday and a party night so it would all be forgiven in the end. Ava wasn't so sure all would be forgiven as they not so easily pushed him into his older brother's car.

"I swear to God if you have to puke you better tell me. If you hurl in my car I'll use your junk as bait for King crab," Josh muttered.

Ava and Jake laughed at Josh's failed attempt to get his brother to sober up.

"Later guys, I have to take Ava back to Sig's."

Although Josh was buzzing a bit, he looked at Jake, perplexed. Jake just shrugged before putting his arm around Ava's shoulders.

"How much longer do you have here?" he asked as they were on the road to Sig's house.

She was watching the flashing lights of the cars whiz by and she totally missed his question.

"Ava?"

"Hm?" she turned to face him. How was it possible that she could still see the beautiful blue hue of his eyes? It wasn't fair. Why did he have to be so handsome, so sweet?

"When do you go back home to Florida?" he asked softly.

She rested her head back on the headrest. "Two days."

Jake bit his lip and nodded his head.

Ava looked down at her hands. "Tell me about yourself. Just... Anything."

He looked at her and smiled widely. "Well, I have a lot of sisters. Five. That's why I have my apartment here in Seattle. My grandfather and father fished. I've fished before, but not crab. I know some of the basics, but not a lot. Um... I love to skateboard. And I've broken my wrist in the same spot twice so I have pins in it. I couldn't wait to finish high school so for you to have graduated college is something to really be proud of. I'd never want to live in Florida. I love Washington. I've never been head over heels in love. Yet."

Jake smoothly turned his truck into Sig's driveway and put it in park. He leaned over and stroked Ava's face. "You are by far the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I mean... You're real, you know? Not this fake-looking girl who starves herself and wears too much makeup. And you're smart, funny, can hold your alcohol... I don't want you to go home in two days. I'm so happy that Sig found you and that you're going to be our manager. I I'd like to take you out to dinner tomorrow night."

Her eyes darted to Sig's bedroom window. It was off. No lights were on. She could still feel him staring at her. This was Sig's fault. If only Jake wasn't so sweet. She knew what she had to do. It wasn't going to be easy, but for right now it was what had to be done. It was for the best.

"Jake, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to you, but I just can't do this. I'll be in Florida for the next few months and I'm not planning on flying back out to Seattle until you guys get home from King crab. That's almost five months. We barely know each other. I'd love to be your friend, though. Talk on the phone, get to know each other. I just can't do anything right now."

She breathed out. She knew he was hurt. It wasn't fair to either of them.

"Why not?" he asked softly.

"I just need to be alone for a while. Can you respect that?"

Ava knew he would say yes. He was too much of a gentleman to say otherwise.

"Okay, Ava. But just know that I'm not going to date anyone until you're ready. I'll wait for you."

That last sentence was almost as worse as what came next. She saw his eyes flutter shut and he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, the forehead, her other cheek, and then softly on the lips. Ava pulled away and he opened his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jake, I can't. We can't. It's too soon - this is crazy! Friends, okay?"

She was driving the knife in deeper. Ava had to do something, his eyes were breaking her heart. "What time do you want to go to dinner tomorrow night?"

It seemed to perk him up. "Let's say seven again?"

Ava nodded and opened the door to his truck. "Seven it is!" she said hopping out. "Thanks for the ride, Jake, and I had a really great time tonight. See you tomorrow!"

Jake looked her up and down quickly. "It's my pleasure, Ava, and I'll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams."

She closed the truck door and quickly scurried up the steps to Sig's front door, opened it and dashed upstairs.

She was going to tell Sig this was done, that she wasn't going to lie to Jake. But when she saw Sig sitting on the foot of his bed with no shirt on, the moonlight illuminating his blonde hair, the game was over. She was back to being Sig's. Ava almost tripped walking over to him as she was peeling off her shirt and bra. She straddled his lap and threw her arms around his neck.

"You were right," she sighed as Sig's lips trailed down her throat.

"About what?" Sig asked, reclining back so Ava was on top of him.

"He likes me. Like... Really likes me."

"What did you tell him?" asked Sig as he ran his hands up the sides of her.

She shuddered and bent down until she was inches above his lips.

"No."

"That's my girl," Sig said in his raspy voice before tipping her over and pulling down her jeans, being ever so careful to leave those strappy sandals on her feet.

Much later that night, as Ava was falling asleep, she breathed in the smell of Sig, marveled at the feeling of his arms around her, and when she closed her eyes, saw the bright blue of Jake's staring right back at her.

Sucker love his heaven spent

You pucker up, our passion's spent

My heart's a tart, your body's rent

My body's broken, yours is spent

Carve your name into my arm

Instead of stressed I lie here charmed

'Cause there's nothing else to do

Every me and every you

"Every You, Every Me" - Placebo


	12. Chapter 11: Regress Into A Dream

Author's Note: I haven't done one of these in forever! First: Lack of updates. When I started writing this story I had just graduated from college and was without a full-time job. Now that I have a job, I find myself commuting 50 miles every day which takes up a lot of time. When I get home, I'm spent. But, I'm much more comfortable with my job now, so I am not as tired at night as I once was. However, I JUST GOT ENGAGED!!! So wedding planning, work and commuting takes up all of my time. Second: The plot of this story. Some have asked and I can tell you this - No, Sig's wife does not find out about this during the back-story leading up to Ava and Jake's wedding. However, there will be chapters after the wedding in which this story will take some un-expected turns. I am going to use one event of this year's Opilio season and bend it around this story, and it will ultimately lead to the end. I don't want you to think that Ava is heartless. Her relationship with Sig will form even more, as will her relationships with everyone on the NW and various guys from Dutch. Third: Thank you EVERYONE for reading! Even if you don't review, I can track it through my Traffic levels and seriously - thank you. Take a second to review, I love reading them! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!

From here on out, the story picks up some speed now that we know what's going on with Sig and Ava. Get ready for a roller coaster - a lot of ground and months is covered in this chapter! The end of this is almost that half-way point of the plot that I have written out. From here on out, Ava will be in one city.

Enjoy!

CHAPTER 11: Regress Into A Dream

Insisting that she didn't want to go to any extravagant restaurant, Ava and Jake settled on dining at the local Olive Garden. Dinner was a fun affair. Jake made her laugh - truly laugh. He loved seeing her smile and it sent his heart soaring when she laughed. Jake entertained her with stories of his family; growing up with sisters certainly made for some hysterical stories. She found herself enjoying his company, an easy friendship. It wasn't something she was used because in college she would hide out in the library studying for hours while all of her friends from high school were in Washington.

Right in the middle of one particular story that involved a quite embarrassing trip to CVS, Jake's cell phone chirped. It was a text from Josh Harris.

"Josh wants to know if we want to meet up later tonight, you down?" Jake looked at her, hopeful.

Ava grinned and nodded. "Sure! I have to have fun my last night here! I can't believe I leave tomorrow."

Jake's fingers were flying across the phone, much too large for the tiny buttons. They were graceful, long and lean.

"Me either," was his reply. He couldn't bear to look at her.

She came home hammered and wanting nothing more than to sleep off the half-dozen or so vodka and cranberry drinks she'd consumed. Walking up the stairs was a difficult task, but when she finally made it to Sig's room, he wasn't sitting at the foot of the bed and waiting for her. He was resting on his back, one arm behind his head. He glared at her.

"Have fun tonight?" he ground out. Moonlight hit him and illuminated his blonde hair, making him look surreal.

Immediately, she felt her stomach turn. She dashed to the bathroom.

What felt like hours later, but Sig reassured her was only about a half hour, she was laying down with two fluffy pillows behind her head. Sig was laying on his side, a hand brushing her silky albeit damp hair off of her forehead.

"I did," Ava whispered into the blackness.

Sig's hand stopped moving. "Did what?"

"I did have fun tonight."

It was the last thing she was able to whisper before the darkness cradled her and kept her safe.

Ava didn't see Jake again. That fact made her sad as she rode in Sig's white pick-up to the Seattle airport.

"I'm really going to miss it here," Ava started. "I was kind of thinking I may have to move out here sooner than I expected. I don't know how I could keep track of everything from Florida, at the opposite end of the country."

Sig took a drag of his cigarette and looked over at her. "Are you sure that's the reason? Or was it because you had fun with Jake and the Harris brothers?"

She rolled her eyes. It took her a few moments to respond. "Jake doesn't know about us. Nobody knows about us, and you know damn well we can't let anyone find out about us."

Seattle was truly a beautiful place. Even though it was known for its rain, Ava noted that there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Which in turn made her think about Jake and his freakish eyes.

"I didn't get to say goodbye to Jake properly. He sort of just walked me to your front door and made sure I locked it instead of leaving it wide open."

He didn't respond.

She was flying Southwest home. Sig pulled to the curb at the check-in area for the airline.

"I'm heading up to Dutch in three weeks. Once I'm there, I won't be able to talk to you. Maybe once or twice while I'm out I'll have a chance. Just so you know, we are going to ask Jake to come out with us for Opies in January. He already knows, but nobody on the other boats know. I'd appreciate it if you don't tell anyone, okay?"

Ava shook her head. "Okay, I won't. Will you still call me before you go up to Alaska?"

Sig took one of her hands in his own. "I'll call you any chance I get. I promise. You'll always pick up your phone for me, right?"

Now she was really confused. What was he getting at. "You know I would. What makes you think I wouldn't?"

People were starting to look in the windows, some she knew recognized it was Sig.

"Because Jake will be calling you any chance he gets, which very well may be the same time I have."

Ava snapped her hand back. "Sig..." she started. "I don't know exactly how you feel about me, but I just need you to know that I think about you all the time. I like Jake as a friend, but I need you. Got it? I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize our relationship."

It was the honest truth. As she was pouring her feelings out, Ava slowly began to realize that this clandestine relationship was slowly taking over her life. She just spent two nights out on the town with a single guy, yet all she could do was hold herself back from throwing herself at the man sitting next to her. How was he able to make her feel like he did? How could he hold her, touch her and talk to her in that one way that made her knees week and her heart skip a beat? It wasn't fair. Her ex never made her feel this way, and now when she finally feels this way over a man, he has to be married. Not to mention famous. And, most recently, employing her in hopes to continue their secret.

"I couldn't pull myself away from you now even if I tried," Ava admitted. "I'm going to do everything to keep this going between us. I need you, I need this. It feels-" Sig cut her off.

"It feels right. I know. You look at me in a way that Tara never did. Ever. When I'm on top of you, I feel like I'm in control of the world. I don't want to lose that."

Sig reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny velvet box. "It's not a ring, don't get all emotional on me," Sig stated dryly.

"I won't get emotional on you. I'd like to be on you, though," chuckled Ava.

Thank goodness for the setting sun, it was getting harder to see in the windows of Sig's pick-up.

Sig opened the box and Ava sucked in her breath. Tucked neatly in the crease set a massive square purple stone with tiny diamonds surrounding it.

"And what finger does that go on?" Ava asked him with a sly smile.

Sig gently took the ring out and slipped it on her left middle finger. It was a snug fit, but it made Sig happy - it would be difficult to take off which was something he didn't want Ava to do.

"Like I said, it's not an engagement or wedding band, so it won't go on that hand's ring finger... But it goes on the next closest finger. I want you, Ava. I want only you. I'm ready to totally break off relations with my wife for you."

The thrill in their affair was making Ava high. She didn't want this to stop.

"When am I coming out again?" she asked, moving closer to him. She knew she had to get out of the car if she wanted to catch her flight.

"December? I'll call you when I get back home from Alaska."

His hand wove into her hair and pulled her in for one last searing kiss. Sig looked at her and bit down on his lip.

"What?"

"I don't know. I can't - I can't say it."

Ava understood. Even if Sig wasn't able to say it, she wanted him to know she felt the same way. She kissed him gently. "I feel the same way. I'll call you when I get home."

With that, she opened the truck door, pulled her suitcase out from the back, and waved at Sig.

"I'll wait until you get inside."

She laughed. "I'm a big girl, I can handle this."

Now Sig laughed. "Like I'd miss one last chance to stare down that ass. See you soon, Ava."

When Ava returned home, there was a box waiting for her from UPS. Inside of it were tons of books: One written all about the crews of Deadliest Catch, another full of names, addresses and phone numbers, and yet another with all of the events that were "penciled in" for the next six to nine months of the crew of the Northwestern's lives. Finally, on the bottom of the box was a handwritten note from Sig himself. Her instructions where clear enough: Confirm every appointment. What wasn't on the instructions was the fact that every company she called wanted more out of the crew: Interviews, pictures, radio shows, etc. Now she knew why she needed the addresses and phone numbers. For every new appointment she confirmed, she had to call the family - more specifically the wives - of the crew.

It all started with calling Tara. Ava stared at her phone for an hour before getting up the nerve to actually dial the ten digits that would connect her voice-to-voice with the wife of the man she was having a full-out affair with. A woman who, as Sig had described, totally clueless to the affair and more concerned with money and their new found fame.

Five minutes into the conversation, Ava knew Sig was right. Her first inkling was the fact that Tara had called Ava "Anna" and then "Eva." Close, Ava laughed to herself.

"Oh, you know how it is, sweetie," Tara sighed. "It's so hard to keep up with names nowadays. I have all of the dates on our calendar. I'd love to chat, you seem so sweet!, but I need to call my husband with the weather reports. I do this twice a week - Tuesdays and Fridays. Plus, the girls love to talk to their Daddy. Call me if you need anything, okay girl?"

The words "husband", "girls", and "Daddy" were like knives to Ava's heart. She knew that Sig was married and had two daughters, but hearing his wife tell her this was like a wake-up call.

Sleep did not come easy that night. When she did sleep, her dreams were splashed with images of Sig.

Two weeks after that call, a Friday night to be exact, her cell phone woke her from a dead sleep.

"Hello?" she said groggily.

"God what I wouldn't do to be sleeping right there beside you."

Sig.

Ava sat up and clutched the phone closer to her ear as if that would make Sig any closer.

"Where are you? Are you okay? How's the catch coming? Are the guys okay? I called Tara, all of your appointments are good to go."

Sig chuckled. "I have about five minutes. I'm back in Dutch doing our first off-load. The fishing's great for everyone actually. We hope to be done sooner rather than later. The crew are fine. We're looking forward to an extra deckhand for Opies. And Tara told me that Eva called. Totally clueless, that woman."

His voice wasn't as clear, but that was to be expected given the crazy phone he was using.

"I miss you," Ava stated. She reclined back on the bed.

"I miss you too, Ava. Come up to Seattle when we come home. I want you. I want to that night. I already have a plan, too. All you need to do is be here."

Was it even a question?

"Okay," Ava said with a smile. He wanted her before going home to his wife and family.

She could almost feel Sig next to her. "Okay."

Four weeks later, Ava was awoken again. This time, it wasn't by her phone. It was her parents barging into her room. Her mother was in tears, her father visibly shaken.

"Your grandparents passed away tonight."

Her world came crashing down. She had her mother and father to cry with, but the one person she wanted most was thousands of miles away.

That day Sig finally called, and she had to tell him that she wouldn't be flying out to Seattle.

At first Ava thought he'd be mad. Ava wanted to see him, but she had to be here for her parents.

"Ava, I am so sorry, darling. Do you want me to fly to Florida?"

Now she was completely taken aback. She knew that Sig cared, but not to this extent.

"No, but Sig thank you for even suggesting that. I'll be okay. I'm just so sorry I can't see you. I want to see you. I need you. So bad. I miss you," she said, tears starting to form.

It was alarming, as she didn't want to fall this hard for him. It was already much too late for that, though.

She started to sob. "I just miss you! The past few weeks have been hell, and now I have to wait even longer to see you."

Sig was comforting her now. "Shh, shh, Ava. It's okay. I miss you too. You have to be with your family. You know that, and I know and understand that."

Even though Sig's plan was to stay with Ava for a little over an hour on the night he came home to Seattle, he did stay on the phone with her while waiting for his flight out of Dutch Harbor. In this type of relationship, they knew they had to give a lot to get what they wanted.

With the passing of her grandparents, Ava's life was nothing but a roller coaster. Not only was she trying to assist her mother in planning the service, the memorials and the dozens of luncheons at their country club, but she was bombarded with phone calls of magazines, newspapers, TV shows and radios all wanting a piece of the Deadliest Catch crew.

All she wanted to do was see Sig. She knew deep down in her heart that just being wrapped up in his arms that he'd take away the pain of her loss.

The final blow was the cold, hard truth: She wouldn't see Sig until March or April, whenever Opies season was over.

This also meant one other fact: Jake.

Jake hadn't bothered with her since she left Seattle. It was fine with Ava, really, as she already had too much on her plate. So, during one of her late-night phone calls with Sig, she talked him into telling Jake that he shouldn't even try reaching her. It wasn't too far from the truth - she did have a lot going on.

Whatever Sig said worked. She didn't hear a single peep from Jake Anderson.

Interestingly enough, when Ava requested this, Sig had a certain tone of satisfaction in his voice.

"So," he said before hanging up. "Will you be moving out here this Spring? Will you be holding up your end of the bargain?"

To be honest, she hadn't even thought of moving to Seattle. Her relationship with her mother had gotten a bit better, but her father still kept her at a distance. It would literally be now or never.

When she didn't answer fast enough, Sig sighed. "I'll buy you a really, really nice car."

"Oh yeah?" Ava snorted. This would be rich.

"Any car you want," Sig yawned.

Ava glanced at the clock on her nightstand. Was it really 2 o'clock in the morning?

"I'll take the new BMW. The BMW X5 M. Fastest SUV on the road."

Sig laughed. "Whatever it takes you to move out here. Oh, and I've been meaning to tell you - Jake has a girlfriend."

"So?"

"So? That's good news for you. You won't have to keep up with that whole charade. You'll just have to keep up with me. God, I miss you."

Her heartbeat picked up. "I miss you, too," she whispered. "I need to get to bed."

The winter dragged on. The only bright part of Ava's life was her upcoming move. She'd spent hours scouting out the best place to get an apartment and ways to move. One night before Sig left for Opies, he'd assured her that he'd be furnishing her apartment and purchasing her car. The only thing she had to do was pack up all of her belongings that she couldn't leave without, buy her airline ticket, and meet him at the airport.

So when that day in April came and she stood luggage carousel and saw Sig come stalking over to her, it was no wonder she almost passed out. It had been over half a year since she saw him.

"I can't believe you're here."

Ava smiled. "That's my bag," she said pointing to it.

"And?" he laughed.

"Do you know how much shit I put in that suitcase? Just grab the bag so we can get the hell out of here."

Later that afternoon at the Hilton hotel that they'd shared their first time together, Ava rested her head on Sig's chest and listened to his heartbeat.

"It's like I'm home," she mused.

Sig played with her hair. "It's because you are."

Come into my life,  
Regress into a dream.  
We will hide,  
Build a new reality.  
Draw another picture  
Of the life that could have been.  
Follow your instincts,  
And choose the other path.  
You should never be afraid  
You are protected  
From trouble and pain  
Why, why is this a crisis in your eyes  
Again?  
MUSE - "Hoodoo"


	13. Chapter 12: Follow You Until You Love Me

AUTHOR'S NOTE: See, I am writing more now! The "interview" in this chapter is based on a real interview that I watched months (probably over a year ago now) in which Sig was totally hammered on stage. It was one of the funniest (haha) interviews I've seen. The bulk of this chapter is based on that. Also... This gets a bit, well... Graphic. About as graphic as this story will get.

Chapter 12: Chase You Down Until You Love Me

Part of Ava's duties now included being at every press conference, interview, TV show, phone interview, radio interview - just, everything. Wherever Sig, Edgar, Norman, Nick and Jake went, Ava had to be there. On days when Edgar might be at one radio show and Sig had a piece on the nightly news to tape, Ava had to fly across town to get there. Of course, her dream of a jet black BMW X5 M would have to wait as it was still just in design. Just a silly dream, really.

Her car of choice, however, was a shiny red BMW M3 Coupe Convertible. The beige leather was absolutely sinfully luxurious. It was her baby. Paired with her long blonde hair, she was a force to be reckoned with. Especially with the speed of the vehicle. So, it was no wonder that every time she'd pick up one of the guys they'd beg her to drive it.

"C'mon MOM!" Edgar pouted that sunny Friday. "You never let me have any fun!"

Ava looked over at him and stared down over her sunglasses. "I believe you were the one who built the bonfire last weekend that had the cops called on us. That's enough fun for this month."

"I filled my quota?" he asked. His smile was just adorable. How Edgar could be so adorable it made her sick yet his big brother made her weak in the knees was beyond her.

"Edgar, when it comes to fire," she started up the ignition, smiling as the powerful V8 sprang to life, "you've filled your quote for your life."

Wind whipped her hair around and she took a deep breath in. Driving a convertible in Florida was like suicide - you'd get sunburn, at the traffic lights you'd swear it was closing in on 130 degrees and it would downpour without any warning. In Seattle, however, Ava could actually breathe in fresh air.

Edgar was playing with the radio now. "Sig must really want to keep you around as our agent. Hell, even Tara doesn't have a Bimmer. She has that Cadillac boat-car."

'Apparently she only has taste when it comes to men,' Ava thought. 'And even that she can't even keep him faithful. Dumb bitch.'

And it wasn't mean, really. It took Tara a good month before she finally realized Ava's name was not Eva or Anna. She would shower her daughters with everything they wanted. Since when should a 12 year old carry an authentic Louis Vuitton handbag?

'No matter,' Ava smiled, 'I'll have an Hermes Birkin if Sig keeps paying me what he does.'

"What's that smile about, huh? You're awfully quiet," Edgar pointed out. They came to a halt in the 520 bridge traffic.

Ava shook her head and smiled even wider. Tonight was a party for a handful of the guys from the show. She knew Tara wouldn't be there - and if she was - she'd have a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She'd gossip with some of the other wives before escaping the crowd about thirty minutes into the event. Sig had filled her in on all of Tara's ways.

"You're excited to see Jake, right? Now that he's single-"

Ava cut him off.

"Okay, listen Edgar. You know as well as I do that Jake is in puppy love. I think he dated that poor girl in hopes that I'd be jealous. And I'm not. I don't want a boyfriend," she insisted. After all, she had Sig, who was not just good but great - a genius - at giving Ava exactly what she wanted. And when.

The summer was slipping by faster than Ava had anticipated. It was already the end of July. She'd been in Seattle for a little over 3 months now. She'd lost count on how many times she slept with Sig by mid-June. Yet still, no one found out.

Edgar shrugged. "Jake's a good guy. And he's good-looking, too-"

She cut him off again. "So now you're match-maker, too? Jeez, Edgar, what DON'T you do?!" she laughed.

He grinned at her. "Oh, sweetheart, I do it all."

Now she laughed even harder. "I'm sure you do. Becky and your kids must love when you're home. If I was your wife, I'd be SO excited when fishing season comes. You're too much."

"I've been told that before," Edgar chuckled and put his heads behind his head. "Okay, chauffeur, to the party!"

Sig was up on stage, being interviewed. He had a plastic cup of vodka and some other mixer - soda, Ava squinted at it - filled to the brim. As she suspected, Tara wasn't even there. Ava was sitting next to Jake Anderson and Josh Harris. Jake Harris was at the bar, probably trying to hit on some poor unsuspecting waitress who wouldn't even be phased. Her second glass of red wine was running dangerously low.

"Jake, can you please get me some more wine?" she asked sweetly.

Jake stood up and took her glass. She noticed that he was more quiet with her. He'd also cut his shaggy hair. It made him look much older. Ava did find herself glancing at Jake. His eyes were still as beautiful as ever.

Her attention turned to Sig now. "...sexual revolution, man," he laughed.

Ava blushed now. She tried to laugh a bit. If anyone asked, she'd blame it on the wine.

"So, Ava," Josh scooted closer. "What sort of favors are you doing for Sig to have landed that hot whip out there?"

She sat up and looked at Josh, appalled. "What?"

Josh burst out laughing. "Kidding!" he put up his hands, a gesture of innocence.

"Any fisherman here knows what I mean," continued Sig. His eyes found Ava's and he smiled ever so slightly.

Jake returned with her glass of red. She took a big swig and smiled up at Sig. Ava knew that Sig knew she was drinking it because it was Tara's preference. She never told Sig she'd play nice. Ava lifted her glass and winked at him. Jake stared at her.

"Why'd you just wink at Sig?" he asked, shocked.

"I didn't," she stuttered. "I, I winked at the guy doing the interview. I prepped him with these questions to sort of get the crowd laughing and feeling good. Set the tone as really laid back and easy-going."

He smiled at her now and nodded. "Damn. Sig hired a really smart agent for us."

She wanted to burst out laughing. Poor Jake, so innocent.

"Ava, do you want to go out to a bar tomorrow night? I feel like we haven't talked in forever," Jake asked. He looked pale, like he was nervous to even ask her.

'Oh, Jake,' she thought. While she was having the time of her life with Sig, she didn't have it in her to be mean to Jake.

Choosing her words carefully, she said, "I'll have to make sure that we don't have any plans for tomorrow. It's almost August so the guys wanted to be sure that all the interviews were done in the next week. I left my planner in my car. I'll let you know."

Jake dropped the subject.

After Ava dropped Edgar off at home, she started their usual light banter. "You wear that shirt too often. People will think that that's all you can afford when we all know that's a damn lie."

"Tara hates it," Sig chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. She could tell he was a bit tipsy; his voice was raspier than normal and he ever so slightly slurred his words together. His Norwegian accent was also showing through. She'd be lying if she'd say she didn't want him right now.

Ava laughed with him, "Then I love it!"

"You," he pointed at her, "my dear, wear way too much clothing at these press conferences. You look like Martha fuckin' Stewart in your cardigan and..." his eyes trailed down. She was wearing perfectly tailored pants from J. Crew, one of the first suits she'd bought when she made her move to the city.

Sig pushed himself back in the seat more, grinning as she accelerated harder. "Can those pants be any tighter? Your ass is so fucking hot I just want to -"

His cell phone went off. She slammed her hand on the thick steering wheel and cursed.

"Hello? Yeah. Ava's having some problems with the bellman and receptionist at her apartment, so I'm going to swing by with her and put that to an end. Yes, I know that's the thoughtful thing to do. No, you can go to sleep if you're exhausted. See you later. You, too."

Whenever they were together, Sig was so careful to never say the word "love" to Tara. Sure, Ava reasoned that he'd tell Tara that he loved her, but just the fact that she never heard him say that was comforting. It gave her... Hope?

He rested his head on the headrest. His eyes were hard on the road. "Drive to the dock."

It wasn't a question, it was an order.

And who was she to deny her boss?

Moonlight was the only light they had in his wheelhouse. The wheelhouse that smelled just like him. Whenever she was on the boat and in the wheelhouse, the smell would flat out slap her in the face. It was like an overdose.

Sig's hands were on her stomach, her back to his chest. His lips were attached to her neck, hands now pushing down her black pants. She gripped onto the ledge to steady herself as she felt the most delicious pressure.

Her name was a chant on his lips, his hands held her steady and all Ava could do was try to breathe. It was too much. It was always too much with him.

"So... Much..."

She never could make out what he was saying. Ava told herself it was better this way, she could warp whatever she could understand into sweet nothings.

Her body protested as he stopped and turned her violently to face him. Sig's hands went to her shoulders.

"Do you... Have any idea... How you make me feel?"

Ava shook her head, a little scared to speak.

When Sig's hands relaxed, she exhaled hard.

Sig's eyes bore into hers. "You make me feel young, wanted and adored. You make me feel the way a man should feel with a woman. Ava, I want you - all the time. Don't leave me."

She shook her head. "Never."

He smiled at her and picked her up, setting her on the counter. Willingly, she took him again.

"I love you," she whispered into his ear, running her fingers through her hair. She pulled his mouth to his to swallow whatever he was going to say. Pretending again, she told herself that he was going to tell her that he loved her too. It was better to pretend to even entertain the idea of hearing what he was going to say.

Later that night, Ava laid in bed and wondered what she would have to do to get Sig to love her like she loved him. It was no use denying it anymore: She was in love with him. In a year she had fallen so completely in love with Sig Hansen, and she didn't know if she'd ever be able to pull herself away. Her body was sore, she marveled in the feeling.

When Ava dropped Sig off, he kissed her softly and whispered, "You know how I feel."

Her first instinct was to tell herself that he loved her too. Then he said, "We need a decoy in this plan. I can't have you with me this often."

Of course, Jake was that plan. Ava knew that Sig would talk to her about Jake the next day. And how appropriate - the same day that Jake asked Ava to go out to a bar together.

She wasn't stupid. She knew that she had to eventually "have a boyfriend." A 23 year old staying single for too long in a huge city but spending almost every day with her boss, a married man, would begin to look suspicious. They were already scrambling for excuses to be together.

But being with Sig was the one time Ava was truly happy. Losing him would devastate her. She understood that in order to keep her relationship with Sig alive, Ava would have to eventually date another man. And why start from scratch when there was a perfectly good one waiting for her?

Tara was a heavy sleeper. Sig, however, was not. His mind and body were too accustomed to crab fishing. That night, after Ava dropped him off, he sat in his office, staring out the window at the massive Olympic Mountain range. Sig could tell that it was only a few weeks before he'd be back in Alaska. The first three weeks in August were blessedly free of any events to go to. His children would go back to school and then he'd be on his way to Dutch Harbor.

The send off would be a private affair with just family. No Ava. He toyed with the idea of having Ava fly up to Dutch to spend the last few days on land with him. But, how obvious would that be? And where would they go to sleep together? To just be together?

Nick and Norman had began to ask questions.

"Why doesn't someone as beautiful as her have a boyfriend?" How many times could he play his card of 'she doesn't want a boyfriend right now'? She could marry a Microsoft millionaire, live in Bellevue in one of the elite Points neighborhoods.

"Why does Ava always pick you up in her car?" Sig couldn't very well keep telling them that since he has the only white pick-up with the Northwestern dark and light blue racing stripes would be an easy vehicle to spot, yet Ava's car (even though it was a top of the line BMW) blended in more easily?

"For just being our agent, you and her sure to joke around like you're best friends." The easiest question to answer: She was real. She just wanted to be with Sig, no going out to fancy restaurants, not shopping every day. Not fake blonde hair. Ava liked being with Sig because he was Sig Hansen, not a famous TV star.

Tonight she'd told him she loved him. He loved her, too. He wanted to tell her, but didn't want her to think that he was just saying it because it was what she wanted to hear. And for her immediate kiss, he was grateful.

Last summer, Jake had fallen hard for his beautiful vixen. After she politely told him she wasn't interested, he'd given up hope. Now that he'd broken up with - what was her name, Jessica? - that other girl, Sig knew he had to plant that seed again. Maybe Ava's bachelorette-hood was a good thing. The plan started to shape in his head. It was simple, really. Tomorrow he'd tell Ava that he was going to hint to Jake that maybe the reason why Ava was single was because she liked Jake. And didn't want to be that "rebound girl" to Jake.

Sig opted to sleep downstairs in the living room that night. He didn't want to feel any body next to his that wasn't Ava's. Besides, he was still able to feel her body around him.

In the end, Ava agreed to his plan.

They chatted the next morning over lunch, before the last interview of the "season" as he liked to call it.

"You look sad, Ava," his Norwegian accent was more and more apparent to her every day. It was undeniably attractive that he could turn that accent on and off in the blink of an eye.

Ava set her fork down and crossed her arms. "I don't want to lie to Jake. I don't want to lie," she expressed.

Sig's eyes hardened. "Like I like lying?"

She bowed her head. "I'm sorry. It's just difficult for me. I love you," Ava whispered.

He swallowed the last of his beer. "You know how I feel. Now, call up Jake and tell him you'll meet him."

When it came to Sig, even though he was her boss, she couldn't deny him anything. If this was his brilliant plan, then she'd go with it.

"Hello, Jake? It's Ava. I just wanted to see if you were still up to going out tonight?"

Sig smiled at her and put his hand on hers. His finger brushed over her amethyst ring and he licked his lips.

If the two were to continue their relationship, Ava would start a cover-up relationship with Jake Anderson. And there's no leaving to go back "home" either, as Seattle was now Ava's home.

Ava set her phone down and looked at him. "I'd do anything for you, Sig. Just please don't make me lie to him for too long."

The waitress came back with their check. To keep up with the game, Ava quickly said "Oh, please put this on the company card."

"Sure thing," the waitress chirped.

"But you're so good at it," Sig growled.

The bar was loud, but Ava didn't mind. She'd consumed far too many cosmos to be at the point of caring. Her and Jake were out on the dance floor, dangerously close to each other. She could feel his short breaths on the back of her neck. It made her dizzy.

Jake and Ava quickly got caught up on each other's lives and shared more than a few laughs together.

On the dance floor, Jake gripped Ava's hips and turned her to face him. He pulled her in and kissed her.

Ava's head was spinning. She was drunk, and any body at that point was a warm body to keep her satisfied. Ava kissed him back, holding him close. When she pulled away she laughed and Jake smiled widely at her. He loved when she laughed.

It was thrilling to know that she could have fun with somebody other than Sig. However, when she turned back around and started dancing all around, she found herself staring into dark blue eyes. Sig had followed them. Fear quickly danced across her face until Sig grinned at her. He licked his lips, turned, and was out the door.

The plan was working. Now all Ava had to do was keep the charade up. If she played the game, she could stay with Sig. And because Ava refused to give up Sig, she'd go along with this as long as she could.

'I'll never give up Sig. I wouldn't be able to give him up,' Ava thought.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Jake yelled to her over the music.

Ava turned to face him. "Yeah," she fished in her small bag to find her car key. She handed it over to Jake and smiled at him. "Yeah, I do. Let's go."

I'm your biggest fan,

I'll follow you until you love me

Papa, paparazzi

Baby there's no other superstar

You know that I'll be your

Papa, paparazzi

Promise I'll be kind

But I won't stop until that boy is mind

Baby you'll be famous

Chase you down until you love me

Papa, paparazzi

"Paparazzi" - Lady GaGa


	14. Chapter 13: You Can Do No Wrong

Author's Note: Again, thanks for the reviews. I know that I've said this before, but I do not condone cheating, either. The idea for this story just popped into my mind well over a year ago now and I think about it a lot. To be honest, the original plot and the direction it's moving in now is so different, yet the main parts are still on target. It's hard to explain, because I don't want to give away the ending. Too, I wanted to write a story that didn't involve a brief elimination of a significant other. I would never allow myself to be in Ava's position. However, it is a challenge to me to uncover feelings that a woman would go through in this situation and the problems that arise from it. It is a challenge, as I've never cheated or been the victim of cheating. The only aspect that I (and EVERYONE at one point in their lives) can sympathize with is being in a relationship that you just have no idea where you will end up. AND - Yes, do feel bad for Jake. He is and will continue to get the short end of the stick, so to speak, but as you've read in the Prologue, he actually does "get the girl" to a point. Where the story goes after their wedding, well, you'll just have to keep reading to find out. Will Jake truly get Ava? Will anyone ever find out? Will Sig and Tara divorce? If so, was it because they found out about Sig and Ava and what sort of affect would that have on their lives? So many questions. Trust me, they will all be answered.

Thank you for your continued support. The number of hits this story generates never ceases to amaze me. I only hope that I continue to keep your attention throughout this story. We've already made it through the "slowest" part - the introduction and the set-up of this story. Again, read and review if you'd be so kind.

CHAPTER 13: You Can Do No Wrong

Kissing Jake Anderson was a total departure from kissing Sig Hansen. For one thing, Jake treated Ava as if she'd break if he was too rough. Another - he was more sensuous. While Sig was rough and to the point, Jake was tender and took his time. It drove Ava mad - in a good way. The longer she stayed with Jake, though, the more her buzz wore off. Her mind came out of its haze and she eventually ended their intense make-out on his couch. Ava sat up and looked around for a clock. When she didn't find one, she stood up, adjusted her top and padded over to the kitchen counter where she'd left her purse. It was 2:30 in the morning.

"Jake, I gotta get going," Ava said with a yawn.

Glancing over at the couch, she realized that Jake was in no state to be driving her home. With a sigh, Ava strode back over to him and sat down on the couch. "You feeling okay?"

He reached for her again. "Don't leave."

How long they relaxed in each other's arms, Ava didn't know. She was comfortable. Eventually, she drifted off into a light sleep. When she woke up, she wasn't in Jake's living room. Her head rested comfortably on a fluffy down pillow and she was wrapped up in a heavy fleece blanket. When she opened her eyes, she gasped softly. Jake was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at her. Sunlight flooded through his bedroom window.

"Good morning, sleepy head," he whispered. He leaned over to kiss her forehead with a smile. "Sig just called me a few minutes ago. He wants us to be at his house."

Ava yawned. "What time?"

"Noon."

"What time is it now?"

"11 in the morning."

Now Ava gasped loudly and sat up. "Shit!"

Jake's apartment was all the way across town. Even if they left now, with all of the traffic she'd never be able to make it to her place, shower and dress before having to drive up to Sig's house. Now not only did Sig see Jake kiss Ava, but he'd know she spent the night at his place.

Jake pointed to the bathroom across the hall. "You can shower if you want to. I'm all ready to go. I hope I didn't wake you too late."

If only Jake wasn't so sweet. His voice dropped as he realized that maybe he should have awoke her sooner. Ava scooted over and ran a hand down his face.

"It's fine, Jake. I just can't promise I'll be looking my best without make up. I can just wear my jeans again - can I borrow a tee-shirt? A Northwestern one?"

The Hansen house was one that anyone would be envious of. It had been months since Ava was inside of the sprawling mansion. Once she stepped through the door, though, memories came flooding back to her.

"And there's our lovely ring leader," Sig drawled.

Ava smiled. "I thought I was in charge of these meetings. What gives? You trying to get rid of me now?"

Edgar grinned at her. "Oh, challenging the boss. I like it!"

Before Sig could even answer, Ava quipped, "Well the way Sig put it I was in charge of all of you. So what I'd like to know is who's in trouble?" Ava put a hand on her hip. "What did you do, Edgar?"

Sig cleared his throat and stood up. "We are done with anything media related. I've had enough. As much as I love meeting fans and doing interviews to inform people of our job and the show, I'm done. Ava, cancel any remaining engagements we have."

That last sentence could have went two ways. First, cancel the media appointments. It's what the crew heard. Second, cancel their clandestine relationship. It's what Ava heard. Was he testing her? Her reaction had to be perfect.

"Are you sure? You may hurt some feelings," Ava teased. "Tara, can I have a glass of water?"

Just once Ava wanted Tara to smile. She was sure that with a smile she'd be very pretty. Her lips were always in a frown. Being a Sunday, this was probably the last place she wanted people to be. Sig's wife, however, stood up, turned and stalked off to their kitchen.

Two could play at this game.

Ava's hand found Jake's. "I might just fly up to Dutch with you guys in September," she said with a huge grin.

Edgar leapt to his feet and pointed his finger. "I knew it!" he shouted. "It would only be a matter of time before you two would hook up. And you make such a good looking couple. Ava really brings out all of your strong points, Jake."

Only Norman looked at his older brother. "Mixing business with pleasure?" he asked.

Sig Hansen was glaring at Ava. The old saying - if looks could kill - Ava swore up and down it was because of Sig's hard stare. It shook her to her bones. He was angry. A year into their affair, and he was angry.

Jake shrugged and grinned sheepishly. "I couldn't help it. She's so pretty."

Ava smiled at Jake, blushing a little. He was so innocent and sweet, it was almost unfair, really. When her eyes found Sig, his lips were in a hard line.

The air was thick with tension. Norman was watching his brother like a hawk, just waiting to see if he'd say something. Sig shot daggers out of his eyes at Jake. Jake was beaming. Meanwhile, Ava was caught in the middle. How did this happen? She needed fresh air.

Standing up, she shook Jake's hand free. "I really think I had way too much vodka last night. I need some fresh air."

Scrambling for her cell phone, she rushed out of the living room and to the outside patio.

Passing Tara, she grabbed the bottle of water. "Thanks, I'm just going to the patio for a few minutes."

Tension finally broken, Norman asked himself: "How does she know where the patio is?"

* * * * * * * *

If there was one thing the crew of the Northwestern knew it was that when Ava said she needed a few minutes to be by herself, she meant just that: She didn't want to be bothered by anyone. Except, the guys all knew for a fact, that Sig was the one person who could bring her back out of her shell.

Everyone passed it off as a friendly relationship - two personalities that just clicked. It was inevitable that Ava told them about her ex - about how he left her and she hadn't heard from him since that day. They took it as a personality flaw. Sig knew better. He knew what Ava was thinking. All the time.

If they only knew.

"When can you have the remaining appearances cancelled?"

Every other time Ava distanced herself, he always asked what the problem was. He always wanted to know what was bothering her. He knew how her mind would wrap around a problem - but what was the cause of the problem was the question always asked.

"Don't you want to know what's bothering me?"

Sig shot back. "Don't you want to know how I feel about you spending the night with Jake?"

She looked at him with disbelief. "This was YOUR idea!" she shouted.

"It was your choice."

Ava's jaw dropped.

"You wanted it to be believable. You want me to 'be' with Jake. Well, here you go. I'm with him," she was short with him. Ava pushed her way past him and stalked back into the house.

Jake jumped to his feet. "Are you okay, Ava?"

Shaking her head, she didn't look at any of the crew. "I have a lot of calling I need to do. Will you mind dropping me off at my place?"

Not even waiting for an answer, she bolted out of the door. Sig was standing on the patio. He watched her grab her bag, not even saying goodbye to his brothers.

In an instant, Tara was at his side. "Would you like to go out to dinner tonight? Just the two of us?"

Her only answer was the shake of his head. Sig took the stairs two at a time, slammed the door to his office and locked it. Taking out the bottle of vodka he kept in the small cabinet, he downed what would be two shots for any normal person. He paced.

How did it come down to this? Twenty four hours ago, it was a brilliant idea. Now he saw his beauty wearing another man's shirt with bed-head, the traces of her mascara under her eyes. What other traces would there be on her body? Jake's hands, his lips.

He took another swig from the bottle.

Maybe they slept in separate rooms. Ha. He'd seen the way Jake kissed her. He grabbed her hair and pulled her close, held her there. Sig knew what went through a man's mind when someone as beautiful as Ava would kiss him back. He knew first hand. When Ava kissed him back, he pulled her in to him. Never let her go. A kiss between Sig and Ava led to one thing, and one thing only. How was it that he was still so mad, but yet he wanted her right now. Sig wanted that woman on his lap, lips red because of his own, soft blonde hair hanging like a curtain around her face. He wanted her forehead pressed against his own, her quiet sighs escaping her lips only to be taken by his own. Sig wanted her more than ever right now.

He'd be relentless. She'd beg him to end, to just let it finish. She'd be sore, but love it. No matter what he wanted, she wanted it, too.

Ava's entire life was a shelter. A barrier from the protectiveness of her parents to the real world. The barrier - her ex. The real world - Sig Hansen. She often told him that this was the first time in her life that she felt wanted. Needed.

Sig wanted her.

The fact of the matter was, however...

Sig Hansen needed her.

Another shot.

He knew he had to make her see. How could he betray his family? He couldn't. Not with the show. Not with his entire family's fortune riding on this show now. Too many people depended on him.

Yet, for Ava... It seemed worth it.

Sig stood up and realized that it would be worth it. It would be worth it.

It was worth it because he made her feel alive. He was her welcome to the real world. And she was his welcome to a life he wanted for himself. No frills, no huge house, no family drama.

It was worth it because whether or not Ava knew it, he was in love with her.

* * * * * * * *

Back in her apartment, Ava was laying on her couch. Her cell phone lay on the floor. A piece of paper was on the coffee table with black marker through remaining dates. Only one remained untouched: The formal ball. It wasn't media-related. It was through the Fisherman's Board. Ava knew she had to call Sig to question this. After his reaction earlier, she didn't want to speak to him.

Why would he be so cruel? It was all of his idea. She was so in love with Sig that no matter what he'd ask of her, she'd do it. She kissed another man out of the slight hope that they could keep their charade going. And the man that was her pawn was not just nice - he liked her. Genuinely liked her.

Was she prepared to possibly get caught? Ruin lives?

She was never taught to be selfish. Sig was her escape from the bullshit of her past. Sig pulled her out of her past. The things he did to her...

Her cell phone went off.

Turning over, she opened her eyes. It was Sig.

Like a lovesick teen, she answered. "Hello?"

It took him a split second to answer. "Did you sleep with him?"

Where was the man that joked with her? Why was she being punished for his plan?

"No," she breathed out. Tears filled her eyes. What was she getting herself into?

"Do you still want me?"

His voice never changed. Where was the emotion?

When she didn't answer, Sig answered for her. "I know you still do. I still want you. No matter what goes on with you and Jake, I want you. I need you. I want you NOW."

Scrambling to her feet, all she could think about was Sig. Jake never once crossed her mind.

"I'm coming over. Leave the door unlocked. I'll lock it and meet you in your bedroom."

That afternoon, it rained. Heavily. It matched the mood. Everything he did to hear was heavy. It felt so right. Locked in her apartment, the pair could be who they were. Ava pleaded with Sig to stay longer than the two hours he could spare for her. She cried. How could it come to this?

Tears were never part of the bargain.

No matter what, Sig had to leave. It hurt her. The course of one night had changed their relationship. There was a boundary: Jake Anderson. Sig hurt her with his words and actions. The one person she trusted had hurt her. It wasn't the worst type of pain - that would require Sig leaving her for good. Yet she knew that their relationship would never be the same.

Ava was now with Jake. Sig and Ava's time would be divided. Jake would fall in love with her.

And if Ava and Jake stayed together for months, years... And he would love her, she knew where it would end up.

A life based on lies. All for the comfort of the man who was holding her as she cried.

"I never meant to hurt you. I just don't see any other way. I'm sorry, Ava."

He kissed her cheek, and let himself out.

Sometimes all a girl needed was a good cry. This was Ava's turn. She cried for Jake - if he ever found out, it would alter his life forever. The person he looked up to like a father would be the one to betray him. She cried for Sig - she wanted him with her always. She cried for herself and for how she got herself into this mess. Ava cried for the fact that even though she was so upset, she forgave Sig because he came back to her and because he made love to her.

Ava did not stop crying until she got a text message from Sig that said "No Fisherman's Ball. That night, you and I will spend together on the ship. Sleep well, my sweet Ava."

* * * * * * * *

Argument over, Ava found herself balancing a life with Jake and her secret world with Sig.

That day in September came too soon for her liking. The late setting suns of the summer slipped away. Cooler air began to move in. Jake would look at her with sad eyes. Sig would hold her tight as if she'd vanish.

At least she now had a reason to go to the dock to see them off.

Ava arrived first, as did Sig. They spent precious few minutes alone before everyone else would arrive. Sig took her in his arms.

"I love you," Ava whispered.

Maybe he would say it back this time. He was going away after they spent an entire summer together.

Instead, he kissed her hair.

"Stay safe for me, okay?" she asked. They pulled away from each other when they heard the door to the galley open.

Show time.

While Tara fussed over Sig, Ava remained close to Jake. She could tell he was having a hard time with this.

"I never had a girl to leave before fishing," he said with a sad smile.

If only he wasn't so sweet to her. "I'm your girl?" Ava asked with a sly smile.

Jake pulled her close and kissed her - the same spot where Sig had earlier. "Yes. You're my girl."

Edgar was beginning to get anxious. He was hurrying the women off the boat. It was time to go.

"Stay safe for me, okay?"

Out of nowhere, Sig appeared. "Oh, what's there to worry about? I'll keep Jake safe. The entire crew will be safe. You have my word."

His word was all she needed.

* * * * * * * *

Dutch Harbor was a cold, barren town. Populated by fishermen, a handful of women and majestic bald eagles, it was the place where you relied on your cell phone. With only ten minutes to go before the crew of the Northwestern set out for its King Crab season, Jake dialed the number he knew all too well.

"Ava?"

"Jake!" she sat up in bed, clutching the phone tighter to her ear.

"I have a few minutes. I just wanted to let you know that I miss you already. And I'll be thinking about you all the time. I'll see you soon and I-"

"Hey junior!" shouted Edgar from the rail. "Let's go! We're heading out!"

"-and I have to go," he trailed off.

Ava was frantic. She wanted to talk to Sig, even if just for five seconds. Before she could even say something, the phone call was ended.

They were gone. And she'd have no contact with them for over a month.

Cameras always got in the way - but they caught the best footage.

Sig huffed "Who were you talking to?" He knew the answer before he even asked the question.

Jake grinned sheepishly. "A girl..."

Not just a girl! Sig shouted in his mind. His girl. His Ava. The latest regret to Sig's growing list: His own voice not being the last one Ava heard before the start of the season.

Beautiful sunrises and sunsets weren't taken too seriously. Sig found it amusing how on that day, the sun was painted a beautiful shade of gold. Like the gold of Ava's hair. It was almost as if she was there with him, throwing her arms around the Sea and sky and protecting him. He took it as good luck.

A tear in my brain  
Allows the voices in  
They wanna push you off the path  
With their frequency wires  
And you can do no wrong  
In my eyes, in my eyes  
And you can do no wrong  
In my eyes, in my eyes


	15. Chapter 14: Change Is In The Air

Chapter 14: Change Is In The Air

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I don't particularly like this chapter, and I think I've written and re-written it at least a dozen times. This is probably the best version of it. Be prepared for a ton of Ava and Jake in the next chapter. Enjoy!

A slow, agonizing burn was the only way to describe her loneliness. Her heart and soul smoldered away, waiting patiently for the one man to ever make her feel like she was alive to return home. Her conscience was the ashes of her soul, and they were being swept away with the wind that came with the bitter chill of an early Pacific Northwest winter. Ava was too far infatuated with her Captain to even bother to fight how morally wrong their relationship was. It had been over a year. She'd lived across the country for close to half a year, but that separation was nothing like this. All around her were reminders of Sig, yet Sig was nowhere to be found. Her cell phone never rang.

Her one hold on reality was Jake. Jake was everything that she should want and need, everything she should desire. The two of them could have a normal relationship. Ava knew in her heart that she would have to fall into that relationship with him, allow him to love her. Perhaps one day she would grow to love him, too. How is it even possible to love two men at the same time? It would be two different worlds, and it was a price that she would willingly pay.

How on earth could she give up Sig when Sig was the one person to understand her? It wasn't possible. And how could she push Jake Anderson away from her when all he wanted to do was be her man, to stand by her where Sig was unable to? Impossible.

Wrapped in a blanket with a mug of hot chocolate, Ava stared out of the window of her apartment. Light snow began to fall, the wind whipping through the city made the trees bend as if they were paper. This is what her days consisted of now. Waiting. She had the TV on, of course, but it was mostly for noise in the background. Ava felt as if she was trapped in her mind.

Half of the time she was hoping that Jake was safe out on the dangerous and deadly deck of the Northwestern. He promised her he'd stay safe. But an attempt to stay safe was just that - his best effort. Sig had told her about the rogue waves that appeared out of nowhere. On deck, there was nowhere to run from the massive swell of ocean water. It destroyed anything and everything in its path. Then there was the cold, the long hours, the sleep depravation and food depravation. He was at mother nature's mercy. Ava wished that she had just a few more minutes she could have spent with Jake. Her sweet, sweet Jake. She missed the ice blue of his eyes, his gentle laugh and the way he made her feel at ease. It was an easy relationship, theirs.

The other half of her time was devoted to the captain of the fishing vessel in question: Sig Hansen. Where her arms were craving to hug Jake and to make sure he was safe, her body was craving for Sig's touch. Deep down, she knew that Sig would make sure Jake and the entire crew were safe. She wasn't wishing for a safe return for Sig like she was for Jake - she was just wishing for Sig to return. Her body was starving for him. At night she'd dream that he had her wrists pinned above her head like he loved to do, and sometimes she swore she could feel his lips on her jaw. The ache of not having Sig was overwhelming. Those days where she wasn't able to see him, she was still able to pick up the phone and talk to him. Now, nothing.

Her cell phone didn't ring. Nobody came to her door.

And the worst part? The worst part was that she had no one to call. There's no way in hell she could call his wife - would they discuss how much they each missed Sig? And there was no way she could call Tara to let her profess how much she missed Sig while Ava professed how much she missed Jake.

Ava wanted Jake to come back safe, in one solid piece and ready to head out to the bars with her and Josh and Jake Harris. She wanted that friendship back. Ava wanted Sig to come back to her, in one solid piece and ready to put out the flames that lapped at her heart. She wanted her lover back.

* * * *

Decks of a fishing vessel were never lonely. There were a handful of guys around you at all times, yelling and laughing, and there was the loud scream of the equipment that never stopped. It was loud, sopping wet and dangerous.

Yet Jake felt as if he were walking around in a daze. The catch was going well. It very would could be a short 3 week trip. But, they were only 1 week in. Only time would tell. However, it was like he was the only person on deck. His thoughts were consumed by Ava. How could he be so stupid to not just tell her he was falling in love with her before he left? He'd seen enough tragedy on the Sea to know that he should always leave land with saying one last "I love you."

Her smile was the light when they were fishing in the dead of night. Her laugh kept him awake. And the feeling of her lips on his kept his mind alert and his limbs constantly moving.

Now Jake knew what Edgar and Nick go through when they leave their families.

He chuckled to himself: How bad must Sig have it, then? The wheelhouse was quiet and warm. Like a house. True, he had distractions, but he didn't have other voices to drown out the thoughts of the woman he was falling in love with.

'How's it even possible for her to like a guy like me?' he'd think to himself. 'I'm not anything special. Just an average guy following in my family's heritage.'

Jake's mind was constantly thinking of ways to return home and sweep Ava off of her feet, to make her realize that he wanted to be with her and only her. It was beyond refreshing to be able to hang out with a girl who would get along with his friends and then be able to relax at his place and enjoy a movie together. It also helped that she knew he was on TV, but that didn't have any part to do with their relationship. As far as Jake knew, Ava just wanted to be with him, not Jake Anderson of Deadliest Catch that audiences saw once a week for an hour.

One of the few meals that they shared, Edgar had noticed Jake's quietness.

"You missing her, Junior?" he quipped.

Jake's head snapped up. Stupid cameras were getting in the way already. He saw the lens zoom in a bit closer to capture his reaction.

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I really do miss her. I hope she misses me just as much."

Edgar chuckled. "I'm sure she does, kid. But, just think, she's got a handful of wives back home to call. She has other women to lean on. She's not alone, you know. She'll be part of a close-knit group, and she'll be family one day... If you don't mess it up, that is. Keep that thought in your head."

Sig stormed down the stairs after making sure the boat would be safe for a few minutes.

"Now what life lesson are you giving him, Edgar?"

The camera, thankfully, panned from Jake to Sig.

The middle Hansen brother answered for the youngest. "Jake's missing his girl. Edgar just told him to keep his head up, that she has tons of support from the wives back home, and that he has an extra reason to stay safe, now."

The Captain stopped dead in his tracks. He didn't bother to turn around. There was no way the cameras could capture his reaction. Sig knew his face grew red and he felt his fists flex.

He decided to take his meal in his wheelhouse.

* * * *

Sig Hansen was in a foul mood. He wanted nothing to do with the meal that Matt had cooked. He wanted to crew to work non-stop until their quota was met so he could go back home. Only, he'd be sure that Ava was the first man she'd kiss.

It was closing in on ten days since the start of their trip and Sig hadn't called her once. The other guys had all come up to use the satellite phone to check in with their family. He was sure Jake would be soon. He would be sure to tell him that he wouldn't be able to leave the wheelhouse. There was no way he'd miss that voice filtering through the speakers to wash over him.

And Jake would just have to deal with that.

Two days later, Jake knocked on the door and drug his tired body up the stairs. He didn't look at him. Playing the part of the hard ass sure paid off now.

"Hey, Sig, do you mind if I uh, call Ava?"

He had no time to react. Jake's hands were already closing in on the phone. Edgar must've told him that Sig never said no to calling in on family.

Thing was, Ava wasn't Jake's family.

"Did Edgar say it was okay to leave the deck?"

Jake nodded. "Yeah, he said I needed a fifteen minute break, and that I should call her."

Sig nodded in response. "Sure," he ground out.

The phone rang only once before her voice flooded the tiny room.

"Hello?" she said, and he swore he could hear her smile.

Jake's breath was knocked out of him. Even through static, it was the most beautiful sound he could possibly hear on a crab boat. "Ava... How are you?"

In Seattle, Ava was laying on her couch, still staring out the window. "Bored. And lonely, too. I didn't realize that when you would leave that I would be alone. Nobody calls. Not even to make appointments."

Sig ground his teeth together. Did she now know that he was still in the room? Then, one single thought hit him that rocked him harder than any wave possibly could: This is what Ava felt like when his wife was around him. The same desperation to make the conversation end, to be the only two people that existed in whatever room they were in.

Jake let out a short laugh. "I'm lonely, too, but for different reasons. We don't really mention it, but we all know that we're missing special people back home."

"Is that what I am?" she joked. "Special? Thanks a lot, Jake!"

Horrified, Jake sat up. "No, no! I mean... I just know now what it's like to miss someone you really care about. I miss my mom and dad and my sisters, but missing you is so different. I can't wait to come home."

Sig froze. What would be her response?

Ava cuddled up to her pillow on her plush couch and smiled again. "I can't wait for you to come home either, Jake."

Sig's eyes locked on Jake. He saw Jake blush and he stuttered slightly. "You - you're so nice to me. I've never felt this way about someone before, Ava, and I'm so happy that it's you who is my reason for staying safe."

"You better come back here safe," she whispered.

Sig could feel the bile rise in his throat. His knuckles were white from gripping the gears of his ship. If Ava fell in love with Jake, would he lose her?

Jake ran a hand through his hair before pulling his hat back down. "Look, I gotta go. Sig's here if you want to talk to him, though. I miss you, and I'll be back soon."

Ava's eyes widened. Sig had heard everything she just told Jake.

"See you soon, Jake," Ava whispered again.

The Captain didn't say anything until he heard the door shut and he saw the young Greenhorn back on the deck.

"Well wasn't that just fucking precious?" Sig snapped. "You sure play a great game."

Ava shrugged. "He makes it easy. He's sweet."

"You'll stop seeing me when he tells you he loves you. I know it."

"No, I'll never stop seeing you. I can't Sig, it's impossible. At least I know that Jake's a good guy. But he's not you. He's helping the situation," she explained. "I don't like how he's helping, but this is what you wanted. I know it's not the best situation, but I'll do it if it means I can stay with you."

Now Sig ran a hand through his hair. "Ava," he started, "I can't even explain to you how it felt to hear Jake tell you words that I want to - need to - tell you and how it felt to hear you say that you miss him. It must be like what you feel when you see me with Tara. And I'm sorry that I snapped a few times at this whole situation. I know it's going to be difficult on us, but there's no other way. It would seem too strange if you never had a boyfriend. And as long as this show stays on air, you'll be our manager. When it's over, we'll still be the same crew we were before, just with the addition of Jake and you, of course. I just need you to know that I miss you too. More than Jake is possible of."

His confession startled her. He did care about Jake's feelings. He cared about her even more. It was the most unfair hand fate could have ever dealt her.

"I miss you too," she said. She had to bite her tongue to keep from crying.

"We'll be home soon, love."

The connection was cut off before she could even tell him to be safe.

* * * *

Ending a season was always a huge accomplishment. Now as Jake sat in the wheelhouse with Sig at the controls and the sun setting, he felt at ease. He was going home.

The pair sat in silence for a long while. Hours might have passed. Where Jake saw Edgar as a brother, he saw Sig as his father while fishing.

Jake cleared his throat. "Thanks, Sig, for hiring Ava. I'm so happy I met her. And I really thank you for my happiness. My life is a dream, man. I'm fishing on the best boat with the best crew and I have the most beautiful woman as my girlfriend. It's like I'm on top of the world."

Sig cursed Jake's parents for having all girls. Jake had always been a softy.

"You hurt her and I'll hurt you, you know that right? She tells me everything. I know everything about her and her past. Don't you dare hurt her like her ex or treat her like a pawn like her parents. She's a strong, talented, smart, funny and gorgeous woman. Treat her like she's gold. You'll never find anyone like her."

Jake nodded. With that information, he left the wheelhouse. Sig was grateful for his departure, as he felt liquid running down his cheeks.

Ava's 23 years old, and Jake - 25. The perfect age to find that "one" and "settle down."

It was inevitable, but his brain began to process the fact that he wouldn't always have Ava. She wouldn't want him in a few years when he retired. She would have everything she needed in Jake Anderson.

And he hated that fact.

* * * *

Ava felt like she hadn't slept in days as she drove across town to the docks. It was homecoming day. She'd be surrounded by wives, families and close friends. She told herself that she'd look for Jake first. She told herself this over and over again.

It was an hour of torture at the docs. Sig's eldest daughter sat down next to her and started talking. "You have such pretty hair, what do you do to it?"

She didn't have the heart to tell her that she had all the time in the world to stand in front of the mirror while her father was away. She opted for a simple answer. "Years of practice and expensive products, I guess. I've always liked washing and styling my hair."

"Do you think that one day we could hang out?"

His fifteen year old was ripping her heart to shreds. "Sure," she offered. She wouldn't ruin this day.

Thankfully, Jake's dad interrupted. "They're here," he said, his voice full of excitement. Ava sat up and smiled. Her eyes automatically swept the wheelhouse, hoping to catch sight of blonde hair. So much for looking for Jake first.

Finally, when the ship was securely docked, Ava raced to the edge. Jake held his arms down and she climbed up. He immediately wrapped her in his arms. She hugged him back and smiled.

"Welcome home," she whispered. She kissed his cheek, and he moved to capture her lips in his.

She heard Sig clear his throat. Backing away, she looked up.

"Captain!" she laughed. She glanced back, Tara was sitting on the bench, tapping her foot impatiently. No way would she even think about climbing up on deck and risk getting her stilettos caught.

Ava broke away from Jake and rushed up the stairs.

He held up his hand, "Hold on, I'll be right out."

Only she saw him wink an eye at her. She followed him in and they quickly went to the farthest side of the wheelhouse. Once out of sight, his lips crashed on hers, wiping away any trace of Jake. He scoured at that thought and pulled her closer, rocked his hips to hers.

"Tonight, at 2 AM, I'm going to wake up and have to rush down here because I forgot something. Have your door unlocked. Get out, now."

She nodded and kissed him once more before quickly exiting. Edgar had his son on his hip, rumpling his hair. "Ringleader!" he shouted.

The rest of the afternoon was spent catching up at the diner. Ava made sure that she didn't get too close to Jake that day and didn't kiss him while in Sig's sight. In fact, when she dropped him off at his apartment, she only hugged him.

"Go in and get a shower and have a nap. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Once at her place, she flopped on her bed and waited. It would only be a few more hours now until she would be whole once again.

Much later that night, when she was sure that her joints had come unhinged and remained that way, she looked up at Sig and smiled. "I missed you so much."

Sitting up, Sig arranged her under her blankets and kissed her forehead. "Sleep well, my darling."

That night, Ava was sure she'd dream of Sig. Instead, she dreamed of sky blue eyes and gentle kisses. She dreamed of Jake's strong yet delicate hold of her. And when she woke up, he was the first one she called. Because the previous night, when Sig moved above her, she had her eyes closed, and for the first time in over a year Sig's voice wasn't the only one she heard. Her sweet Jake was back, now, and she wanted to spend time with him before he left her again. How her mind and heart were working so independently of each other, she didn't know. She needed to see Jake, needed to cover up what she had done last night.

You're working so hard  
And you're never in charge  
Your death creates success  
And you'll build and suppress

Change is in the air  
And they'll hide everywhere  
And no one knows who's in control  
"Ruled By Secrecy" - MUSE


	16. Chapter 15: Shamelessly Tempting Me

CHAPTER 15: Shamelessly Tempting Me

A/N: With the new season of DC, I've been given TONS of inspiration - like, enough to finally know how I'm going to end this story. It ways heavily on my mind, even when I'm not writing. I'm sure like every DC fan, I was extremely sad when I heard of Captain Phil's passing. Having met the captains of all of the ships (with the exception of Keith), it felt like I lost a friend. RIP Phil. I guess heaven needed a Captain.

That morning, Ava and Jake made plans to meet up at a local bar with the Harris brothers. Beyond excited to spend time with Jake, Ava decided she would spend the rest of the afternoon pampering herself: She washed and deep conditioned her hair, shaved (because one never new where the night would end up), painted her nails and toe nails and spent extra time ensuring that her eye shadow matched her outfit perfectly. Since going out with the guys made her feel like she had to dress up, she decided to wear her favorite color: Dark purple.

Much to her surprise, as she swept the dark plum shade across her eyelids, her emerald eyes popped. And because it was winter, she knew that a skirt by itself was out of the question. So Ava decided to wear her black leggings with suede boots with an incredibly dark, deep and rich purple sweater dress. The sleeves were long, so she threw on a chunky gold bracelet, a black skinny belt and a black cropped leather jacket. Ava then curled her hair into loose, soft waves. She hoped that her outfit would hold Jake's attention, but also hoped that it would catch the attention of the Harris brothers. She still felt like they didn't think that she was "into" Jake, and she hoped that by dressing like she was actually going out that it would change their minds.

Finally, she had minutes until Jake stopped by to pick her up. She told him earlier in the day to come up to her apartment, another ploy to keep the act up. But, really, Ava was excited to see him. She was excited to go out with friends and not have to constantly look over her shoulder, or stay up 'til all hours of the morning until Sig was able to come over.

Sig. The thought of him stopped her in her tracks. Ava glanced at herself in the mirror: What would Sig think of this? She knew, of course. He'd love that the dress was so short, that the boots were high, but not too high. He'd love her hair and touch it whenever he could. His eyes would darken when she turned to walk away from him.

If that would be Sig's reaction, what would Jake's be? Ava smiled to herself. Something new, a new reaction.

A bit of guilt trickled its way into Ava's conscience. She told Sig she loved him, and that was the truth. So how could she stand here, almost to the point of shaking, because she was so excited to see Jake? It had been months since she spent time with him, since she'd gone out --

And then it hit her. She was finally leaving her apartment, going out to just be with people. But surely that wasn't her only reason for being so excited, was it?

Her phone broke her out of her thoughts.

"Jake?" she said, a smile creeping its was on her face.

"I'm here, you still want me to come up?" he asked, and she heard his truck door slam.

Ava nodded and said, "Yes, I'll let you in."

Minutes later, Ava swung open the front door and Jake's arms were immediately wrapped around her in a tight hug.

She felt her head automatically lean on his shoulder and she couldn't help but smile. With Jake, she knew that she could be herself, too, and she wouldn't have to worry about getting caught. Everything was just fine. She'd go out, have a few drinks, listen to dozens of stories and have a great time.

Because, after all, isn't that what people in their mid-twenties did?

"God, I've missed you," laughed Jake. "I was so happy when you called this morning, and I can't wait to see Josh and Jake, too, you know, but ahh-" he cut off, shaking his head, "-you're still so, so pretty."

He planted a kiss on her forehead, and Ava felt like it was okay.

"You clean up nice, yourself," she said, rolling her eyes. "Where are we going?"

Jake opened the door from her before answering, "I figured we'd just meet up at that new Irish pub."

"How fitting!" Ava laughed as the pair made their way to the elevator. "Home's half a planet away from here."

Cleary, Jake wasn't following. Ava laughed again. "My last name is O'Hara... It doesn't get much more Irish than that, Jake. Might as well challenge you to a Jameson contest. Shot for shot? Or do you want to stick with just Guinness tonight, hm?"

Before Jake could even answer, the elevator doors opened and Ava, still chuckling, stepped out and walked quickly through the lobby. Jake let his eyes roam down, down, down... The color of the dress, how the belt sinched so perfectly around her waist and those legs that seemed to go on forevere. With the heels, she had a good two inches on him, but it didn't matter. He couldn't help but smile to himself.

"One shot to every beer," Jake countered. "I don't play around."

The pub was a short drive from Ava's apartment. It was fairly new, and it brought in a huge crowd. Luckily there was a couple leaving the bar and Ava quickly snatched a seat. She leaned over the bar and got the attention of a male bartended. "Two rounds of Jameson, and two Guinness's," Ava asked with a smile.

Music filtered even louder through the speakers, and Ava saw people by the dozens pouring into the warm pub, out from the figid air of a Seattle winter night.

"I'm so excited to be here!" Ava exclaimed. "How was it up there? Scary?"

Jake laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "Of course. I'm scared all the time. But, you learn to deal with it, and you learn real fast to not dwell on it. I know the guys got my back, and I've got all of theirs. Band of brothers, you know."

He watched Ava lift the heavy shot glass to her lips, tilt her head back and not even flinch. "Meet any hot girls up in Dutch?"

Now Jake laughed - very loudly. "There's like, a dozen dudes to every chick up in Dutch. No way in hell. And," he said, placing his hand on her waist, "I already told you - you're my girl. I don't even think there's a more gorgeous girl in Seattle."

'Oh, Jake,' Ava thought. 'Always so sweet.'

"Yes, well, I'm sure you already hear all the girls screaming when you do interviews. I swear it's like your Justin Timberlake or something. Your hair's longer! Are you going to grow it out again?"

"Did you like it long?" Jake asked.

"Well," started Ava, "I did, but I really like it short like this."

"And... Did you find anyone while I was away? Any other guy sweep you off your feet?"

"Hell no," laughed Ava. "I do believe I'm done with my Guinness. Are you going to at least try to keep up? Or shall I slow down?"

Before Jake answered, Ava saw an arm around Jake's shoulders.

"What's up, man?" Josh Harris asked. He looked at Ava, glanced back to Jake, and then his head swiveled back to Ava. She smiled a little to herself when she saw his eyes rake over her.

"Damn, Ava, you look sexy! Did you dress up for me?"

"Nah, dude," - Jake Harris - "you know she has the hots for me. How goes it, Ava? Miss us?"

Jake Anderson (her Jake?) blushed the tiniest bit and smiled at Ava. "Told you you're gorgeous."

Ava called to the bartender to get four shots and four more beers. "Thanks so much, Josh. Unfortunately, I dressed up for Jakey, here. And, little Harris, of course I missed you. Like a hole in the head."

Jake and Josh both burst out laughing at the fact that Ava just shut down the youngest Harris's failed attempt at flirting.

As the night wore on, the beer kept coming and the guys tried to one-up each other on near-death experiences from the past season and who had the better prank.

"...So Edgar made ME bite off the head of that fucking herring!" Jake laughed.

Ava grimaced and pushed at his chest. "You did remember to brush your teeth, right?"

"Yeah," Josh laughed, "I don't think Ava would want to kiss a mouth with rancid fish smell!"

Now Ava blushed.

"What's the matter, Ava? You embarrassed?" the younger Harris brother asked.

Shaking her head and rolling her eyes she said, "Hell no. Jake's the one who'd be shy!"

"Well dude?" Josh nudged his friend closer to Ava.

"Why the hell would I want to kiss Ava in front of you two idiots?" He took another swig of beer, finishing off the glass.

Ava waved down the bartender, "Two - oh wait, three - Guinness!"

"Shit," Jake Harris said, finishing off his beer, "you really are Irish. I can barely keep up! This shit is so heavy."

"Don't be a little bitch, cupcake. Drink up," she shot back.

Ava felt her phone vibrate the bar. She glanced down at it and quickly picked it up. Sure enough, it was Sig. Debating whether or not to excuse herself from the testosterone-fest or not, she looked at Jake. His eyes caught hers and he smiled easily at her.

She silenced her phone.

Tonight it was all about Jake and how wonderful he made her feel. It was so nice to be out in public with a man and joke around. And not have to worry about his hand on her thigh.

Much later that night, Jake ended up at Ava's place. She was on top of him on her bed. Breaking away from their heated kiss, she looked down at him. His sky blue eyes were heavy with lust. She was sure her own looked the same.

His hands wove through her hair and brought her head down close to his lips. "I want you all for myself, Ava. Being away from you was torture, I- Is something wrong?"

Ava pulled away from him and ran a hand through her hair. It got stuck, much to her dismay. Stupid curls. This is why she always preferred stick straight hair.

Hundreds of thoughts rushed through her mind. Looking at Jake, she saw everything she needed in a man: Hard working, honest, funny and ridiculously cute. She'd made out with him before, but never slept with him. Something told her that Jake was just that much of a gentleman and wouldn't sleep with her until they made it "official" - which she could do with one word tonight. Would he be everything she wanted, though?

There was only one way to find out.

Ava bit her lip and sucked in her breath. She kissed Jake's forehead and started him right in the eyes. "I missed you, too. And Jake, I really want you."

That was all he needed to hear.

It was good, great - fantastic even!, Ava thought. She was laying cuddled up next to Jake, trying to get her heart to slow down. He certainly knew what he was doing. Granted he didn't flip her over, pin her wrists above her head and dive into her like there was no tomorrow... She shut her eyes and tried to get that gruff voice out of her head. Sleep couldn't come fast enough.

Rain pelted her bedroom window and woke her up from a deep sleep. Jake was still laying with his arm around her. Ava knew it would be tricky, but she tried to get up anyway. Much to her surprise, Jake barely moved a muscle. He was probably still tired from fishing, Ava thought.

She padded out to her kitchen where her purse and cell phone lay forgotten. Two missed calls, both from Sig. Sighing, she flipped open her phone and hit redial.

"It's ten in the morning. What time did you go to bed?" Sig answered.

"Oh, hello, Sig, it's nice to hear from you, too! I had hoped we could catch up first," Ava shot back, sinking into her plush couch.

She heard him laugh on the other end. "Cut the pleasantries. We both know you're not a fan of beating around the bush. You like it when we both get right to the point. So, I'll ask again - what time did you get in last night?"

Ava's breathing picked up. She went for subtle. "We got in around one in the morning."

"WE?!" Sig yelled from the other end.

"And here I thought I was going for subtle."

"My, my, aren't we the testy one when we first wake up. What's the matter with you?"

Now it was Ava's turn to laugh. "Oh, Sig. I wonder if you're my 'other man' like I'm you're 'other woman' now? Jake and I made it official last night."

Silence. Then, in a quiet and harsh whisper: "Did he fuck you?"

Ava sat up. "Sig! That's none of your business!"

"Like hell it isn't! I put my dick in there, too, Ava. I need to know what in the world goes on in that relationship."

She could feel her blood pressure increase. "Fuck off, Sig. This is all you're idea. I don't get pissed when your wife sucks you off, now do I?"

Although feeling guilty and dirty was the last thing Ava wanted, she couldn't help it. Two men, each making a living on the same fishing vessel, vying her for attention, body and love wasn't something that she wanted to deal with after too little sleep and too many pints of Guinness.

"Speaking of that, she didn't even want me last night. It's been over a month. I feel like I could explode just watching you walk away from me. Edgar wants Jake to go with him for something or other today. Probably to start cleaning up the boat and get an early jump on Opies. He mentioned something about cleaning it up this weekend. And Norman's at home, so are Nick and Matt. I could meet you at the dock later today."

Her body betrayed her.

"I'll take your no response as a yes, then?" Sig challenged.

"Can it be later tonight?" asked Ava.

She heard a rustle in her bedroom. She had to cut this quick.

Sig laughed again. "You trying to go for round two with Junior? How long did he last, anyway - like 10 minutes? Did you even get off?"

She thought to herself, "No. About double that - and barely." At least she did.

"I'll meet you there around 6. Bye."

She slammed her phone shut and tossed it on her glass coffee table. How dare he get angry at her for last night?! She would be sure to tell him off later again tonight, too.

From behind her, Ava heard her bedroom door slam shut. She turned around on the couch to watch Jake walk towards her.

"Good morning," he said softly. He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I sorta wished I hadn't promised my mom and dad that I'd go visit them tonight. I could certainly do that again!"

She laughed now, too. "Oh, I'm sure you could, Jake! Do you want breakfast? I think I have enough stuff for pancakes."

"Sounds great, Ava."

Their conversation was lighthearted and easy - something Ava deeply admired about Jake. She loved that she could lounge around in sweat pants and an old tee-shirt with her hair going in a million different directions with old makeup. Ordinarily she'd be vain enough to excuse herself to wash her face and try to tame her hair, but with Jake, it wasn't necessary. He liked her just the way she was.

Jake told her about their King crab season. Of how Edgar left him - finally - do more than just bait the pots. Ava quickly learned what they used for bait, just how large those "pots" were, what dogs were and how important they were for the crew's safety as well as some of Sig's ways while out at sea.

"Psycho Sig? Are you serious?!" Ava laughed, really laughed, having to put down her fork and knife. "Remind me to thank Edgar for that later!"

"I swear, Ava, it's like his damn finger can only hit that one button. Over and over again - at least three dozen times. Trying being woken up by that!"

For a moment, Ava was sure that her and Jake had a different idea of what that "button" actually was. She cleared her throat.

"And don't even get me started on how long I had to stay awake for. 36 hours. That has to be some sort of record. After about the 20th hour, you barely see straight. And to think, there's still another 2 full normal "8" hour shifts remaining!"

Ava poured herself more orange juice. "How do you keep yourself awake?"

"Cigarettes, coffee. Edgar keeps us on our feet. Norman and Nick, I don't know how those two do it. They're quiet, but they never miss a beat. Matt talks more, the the cameras and all. Edgar likes to ham it up, too. So I like to be around those two. But heaven forbid if Edgar does something to piss Sig off. Those two fight like the world's going to end. It's out of control sometimes. Oh, Sig told me that for Opies I'll get a chance at relief. Like, I'll be in charge of the boat for a few hours."

"That's great!" Ava perked up.

"It's what I want to do eventually, you know. Crab fish."

Jake finished off his orange juice. Ava felt her heart drop a little bit.

"You mean, as your career?"

"Ava," Jake started, "in Anacortes there's really not much to offer. You can go into the lumber field, canneries or you can fish. If your family is wealthy, you go to school. This year, I'll make more than my dad does. Can you believe that? In just a handful of months I'll earn more money that he does in a full year. They raised me, they're going through tough times so I want to help out."

"Oh, I didn't know, Jake," she said softly.

"It's my sister. She's been sick, for as long as I can remember. I'd love for you to meet her. You will. Soon, too. She's just a bit down for the past few days. Mom said she missed me a lot this time around."

"I'm so sorry."

Jake shook his head, his smile returning and his eyes sparkled. "Besides the guys, you're the first person to know about some of my family life. I don't let too many people in. I trust you, though." He took her hand in his.

Ava smiled and looked down. This would be something she'd have to get used to.

"I'm glad, Jake."

Jake offered to clean up the kitchen mess and Ava dried the dishes. It was around noon when the pair had finished breakfast and cleaning up.

"Do you mind if I head out? Edgar needs me at the hardware store. We have to pick up a few things to clean the ship this weekend."

"No, no - that's fine! Just call me when you can."

Jake leaned down to kiss her. He tasted sweet, like syrup. "I will. Thanks again. I had a great time."

"I did too, Jake. More than you know..."

"See you soon?" he asked, throwing on his coat and pulling his hood up. The rain hadn't let up at all.

Ava nodded and smiled. She hugged him one last time. "Of course. See you soon."

Ava arrived at the docks before Sig. She took a taxi to be less obvious - she didn't want anyone driving past and seeing her car and Sig's truck there. She let herself in with the key Edgar had given her and went right to Sig's stateroom. She laid down, taking off her clothing and waited for him. Her hair was damp from the pouring rain and she shivered. Hopefully he'd be there soon.

That afternoon Ava had showered and stripped her bed of her sheets. She washed her sheets, did a load of her laundry and cleaned the rest of her apartment. It was almost as if she were trying to erase all traces of Jake Anderson. No such luck. While she did think of Sig, she found herself smiling at nothing in particular and Ava was sure it was her mind thinking about Jake. Last night with him had been wonderful. Completely different than what she was used to, but Jake was so caring and loving. It was proving more than easy to be with him. She genuinely liked spending time with him.

Her conversation with Sig hadn't bothered her too much. It was expected. He would just have to get over whatever problem he had. Deep down inside she hoped it was jealousy, just so new knew what she went through every time there was the slightest mentioning of his wife.

Over the rain, she heard heavy footsteps coming towards the galley door. Her heart rate picked up and she tried to calm herself.

Sig threw open his stateroom door and saw Ava laying completely naked, waiting for him.

"Hello, Captain."

Sig lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply. "This is against the rules of the boat, Ava. Only the Captain is allowed in his room."

"Guess that means you'll have to show me to my quarters, then."

He laughed, deep and rough. "Hell no. Lay back down. I'll take you right here."

Although it was a chilly November evening, she was warm and safe with Sig. She was able to release pent up frustration over and over again with him. It seemed like hours before he finally slowed down and stilled above her. Ava smiled up at him.

"This will never get old, will it?"

Sig shook his head. "Not on my watch."

It seemed that whenever she'd fall a little more for Jake, Sig would jerk her right back to his side. Maybe what Ava had with Sig wasn't just a physical need. He was becoming the one person that every other man was compared to. Yet when Sig was above her and her eyes closed, she saw Jake smiling at her. Never before had that happened. Was it possible that Jake Anderson was finally working into her heart? Would she let Jake in completely?


	17. Chapter 16: That Boy Is A Monster

Chapter 16: Our Lives Rearranged

Those few weeks that stretched from the end of King crab to the beginning of Opilio seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Before Ava even knew it, Jake was packing his belongings to head back up to Dutch Harbor, setting aside money for his family for the next few weeks and spending his free time with Ava. He took her out to dinner, movies, walks through downtown Bellevue (Ava insisted that this was ultimately where she wanted to own a house; she compared it to Celebration in downtown Orlando, right next door to Disney World - total and complete perfection) and listened to her gush over how gorgeous the houses were.

Ava had finally met his family. His mother and father both welcomed into their home like their own daughter. Jake's mother, Julie, genuinely listened to everything Ava had to tell them about her past while his father had joked that she was much too pretty to be with Jake. Jake's parents were very down to earth and genuinely good people to be around. They spent December in the Anderson's screened-in heated porch, sipping apple cider while Ava listened to stories Jake's family told her. One night, before they arrived at their small home nestled in the thick woods in Anacortes, Jake said, "I make three times the money in 6 months as my father does all year. I don't have a huge house or luxury apartment because I give a lot of the money I earn to them. They have 3 years until their mortgage is paid off. The old man can't do too much because of his injury, but the military pays him enough for groceries and utilities."

A pang or worry crossed Ava. "They'll be okay, right?"

"As long as Sig keeps me on deck. I owe him so much. He gave me a job to give me a place of my own, to help my parents... Now he gave me you. I've been living the dream for the past year. I'm scared of the future."

Was it the danger of the job? "The job?" she questioned.

"No. Being out on the Sea doesn't really phase me. It's dangerous, I know that, but I'm scared that I'm flying so high right now that I'm going to crash again."

Ava didn't know what 'again' meant. She dropped it as they pulled into the small drive way.

Before they left that night, Julie pulled Ava aside and enveloped her in a tight hug.

"Thank you, Ava, for all you've done. I've never seen my son so happy before."

It was all Ava could do to keep her meal in her stomach. Guilt flooded her.

"He worries. A lot more than he has to. What with his sister being sick and all." Ava knew that story all too well. His older sister was a blessing on this earth. She loved laying on the couch with her and shopping online since shopping wasn't an option for Jake's eldest sister. "But when he worries, he turns to drinking."

Ava stopped dead in her tracks. "Excuse me? I'm not sure I understand..."

Julie took a deep breath and continued. "It's not as bad as it was before he started working, but Jake is a borderline alcoholic. He worries, he drinks. Something happens to Rebecca, he worries and he drinks. Charlie doesn't work for a few weeks and he worries about us and the house and he drinks. I love my son to death, and I don't want this to get out of hand. I see the way he is around you and I swear it's helping. But I want him to acknowledge his problem and stop. The problem is he doesn't have a beer or two - he has a case. And then pulls out a bottle of Jack. I adore Rebecca and it's a full time job taking care of her that I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world - I don't want to have to take care of my son, too."

That night as they were driving back, Ava told Jake to stay over. He offered to stop by the liquor store for a bottle of wine, but she shook her head. "No, Jake. Not tonight. We have two days left together so let's just sit and enjoy them, okay?"

She had forty-eight hours left with him. Tonight was Tara's annual post-Thanksgiving party. She only entertained one time a year in her home, and tonight was that night.

And so Ava stood with her closet doors open wrapped in a towel, her hair still dripping wet from her shower. Jake was reclining on her bed, intently watching her.

"I wish we didn't have to go tonight," he said softly. She knew in an instant where this was going. Always the same, day after day.

Ava turned her head to look over at Jake. "This party is for the crew of the Northwestern and their significant others. We need to go. Sig will kill you if you don't. Besides," she said as she turned back around, "it'll be fun." Although she wasn't sure if she was convincing Jake or herself at this point.

"Well we didn't go last year."

"That's because we weren't dating last year." It was still a bit foreign to her - 'dating' Jake. He never questioned her need to just spend a night or two alone a week without talking on the phone. She hoped he never would.

Sighing heavily, she pulled out a carmel suede skirt that fell to her knees, a brick red cashmere sweater and knee-high boots.

"What are you going to wear?" she asked Jake, bending down to slip on her boots.

Jake flipped his hands at her and covered his face. "I brought stuff to change into. When will you be ready?"

Ava looked at the clock on her bedside table. "Give me about a half hour?" She started to comb out her wet hair. "I'm just going to curl this mess quickly. You can get changed wherever." Like she would miss watching him change in her room.

On the ride over, Ava fussed with her curly hair and lip gloss. "I can't believe you guys head back up the day after tomorrow. It's like you just got back from King."

Jake took her hand in his, the other on the steering wheel. "I know, Ava. I don't want to leave you. I missed you when we were up for King crab and this is going to be ten times as worse. This sucks."

"The money's good, though!" Ava countered. "You have to admit, Jake, that you can't beat the pay. And the guys are like family to you. You're so lucky to be on that boat with Sig, you know. Of all the captains I've met, I would really only trust him. And Phil. And, okay, Jonathan and Andy - but still. I know you're safe up there with Sig. He knows that boat like the back of his hand."

They pulled up the drive to Sig's house. "You're always the first to praise Sig for whatever he does. I love the guy like a dad, but jeez - why do you feel like you've got to talk him up to me? I work with him, remember?"

As the words were leaving Jake's mouth, Ava felt her face getting red. And it wasn't from the warm cashmere. Why couldn't she just keep her mouth shut?

"You work with him, but I work for him, Jake. And... I'm sorry. It's just my inner PR girl trying to talk up my client, I guess." 'In more ways than one,' she thought to herself.

"Look, bottom line is that I'm going to miss you, but I trust that you're in the best of hands. Okay? Now let's go have a few drinks and enjoy ourselves." Ava took a few deep breaths to steady herself. Seeing Tara was never on her top ten favorite things to do. But, if she wanted to see Sig, then she'd have to put up with Tara for a little while.

Jake pulled the two covered dishes Ava brought with her. Sig had absolutely insisted that Ava be in charge of dessert. She baked from scratch homemade apple pie and instead of pumpkin pie, pumpkin muffins. Perfect for the season.

Ava let herself in and was immediately assaulted by Edgar with a glass of red wine. "I know it's your favorite, and you can thank me all night by refilling my beer. How goes it, oh fearless ring leader? Are you going to miss me while I'm away?"

"Like a hole in the head! Jake's got the desserts - and why on earth is it so hot in here?" Ava glanced around, looking for Sig. She pulled up the sleeves of her sweater. "And, most importantly, is this cabernet? Tell me it is and I'll get you drink refills for the rest of your life."

"It's cabernet," Edgar said laughing hysterically at Ava's scattered thoughts. "Hey, the wife's here and is dying to talk to you about where you shop. She loved that coat you had on yesterday."

Ava took a swig of her wine. "I didn't have on a coat yesterday, Edgar. It was a- "

"It was a blazer!" Edgar's wife, Leah, finished. "Hi sweetie, how are you?"

How Edgar's wife could be so laid back, fun and happy and Tara was the exact opposite amazed Ava every day.

"Hey girl!" Ava exclaimed and hugged her friend. "J. Crew, by the way. I'm telling you, their stuff is pricey, but it fits like a glove. And so nice. I'm lucky I get paid so well to feed my sad addiction!"

"I saw what you brought for dessert. It looks delicious. Although you may want to go get Sig away from them."

Ava rolled her eyes and excused herself. She saw Tara lighting candles on the fireplace mantle. There were several dozen, so it would buy her a few minutes in the kitchen. Much to her pleasure, Sig was alone.

"This smells amazing," he said pointing to the food. "What did you bake?"

"Apple pie and pumpkin muffins. You better stay away from them, too. What did Tara make?"

Sig spun around and peered into the stove. "Looks like honey-baked ham. And I just had to make some crab legs. We're Norwegian, we like to do things a bit backwards."

He walked closer to her and dropped his voice. "I've got to say, those pumpkin muffins smell amazing."

"Yeah?" Ava challenged, "You want to try a muffin?"

Sig only said one word: "Yours."

She laughed and took another sip of her wine. "Later. Jake's spending the night at his parent's house. I'm sure Tara will be trashed after a few glasses of wine so you have to think of an excuse to sneak out."

Ava turned to walk out of the kitchen but Sig grabbed her wrist. "Can't wait for dessert."

"Well you're going to have to! I only made a dozen and a half."

"No. You know what I mean. I can't wait for you - my dessert."

The night passed by much too quickly for Ava's liking. Jake spent the remainder of the night attached to her side. He held her hand, played with her hair and kissed her cheek. Edgar thought it was more precious than a puppy. Norman looked pleased, while Jake's "uncle" Nick kept telling Jake to take care of Ava. Sig, Ava noticed, said nothing about being happy for the new couple. She only hoped that Jake didn't notice. She knew that he craved everyone's approval for everything he did.

After Tara's third class of cabernet, she politely excused herself and wished everyone a good night. She disappeared up the steps without another word. Ava did notice that she shot her a slight glare as she traipsed up the stairs. She immediately dismissed it.

The crew and their wives sat around the fireplace that evening, just enjoying each other's company. There was only a slight air of despair in the room. Everyone knew that Opies was much more dangerous than King crab. What the other ladies failed to realize is that Ava was going to be fearing for two lives out there.

"Do you guys want to do the Disney thing in the Spring again?" Ava asked.

"Hey! No talk of business!" Edgar interjected.

She couldn't help but laugh.

"Do you think that all the guys could go? Maybe we could make a big trip of it," suggested Leah.

Everyone seemed to agree.

"I'll see what I can do. I don't see why not. Usually Disney asks for the first week in May. Keep it open."

The remainder of the night passed by quickly. Before she knew it, they were saying their good-byes, giving out hugs and thanking Sig for the use of his house for the evening.

On their way home, Jake asked "Was it just me or did everyone say how happy they are for us except Sig?"

"I didn't notice," Ava said with a sigh. Better to play it off than bring attention to it.

"I hope he's not upset. He knows I'll take real good care of you. I would never hurt you, ever. I still can't believe that I'm with you. I've been crazy about you ever since Sig first introduced you to the crew on the ship."

Ava laced her fingers in Jake's. "You really are so sweet, Jake. I hope that Opie season flies by for you. Knock on wood, of course."

When Jake walked Ava up to her apartment, he pushed her against the wall. "I don't need to go to my parent's place tonight. I can go tomorrow and get everything done."

In that moment, it seemed like the perfect idea. Ava loved his soft lips on her neck and the smell of his hair. But she knew Sig would be over within the hour.

"I don't want to leave you, Ava," he whispered, his hands lifting up her sweater. To be perfectly honest, Ava wanted him to stay with her as well. She wanted to be held and loved before everyone she knew would leave for weeks on end. She could see Sig tomorrow.

And so she grabbed his hand and led him to her room.

They were interrupted by Ava's phone. "Shit!" she cursed. She sat up, pushing Jake off of her and grabbed her robe at the foot of her bed. Quickly tying a loose knot, she snatched her phone up off of the nightstand.

"Who is it?" Jake said propping his head up on his hand.

Sig's name lit up in front of her eyes. "It's - it's my dad," Ava stumbled over her words. "Sorry, I gotta take this. Hello?"

She quickly padded out of her room, closing the door behind her. She sank down into her living room couch and pulled her legs up.

"I'll be over in 20 minutes."

"Wait, no!" Ava tried to keep her voice down as much as possible so as not to alarm Jake. "Jake's here."

"I suggest you get him out before you have a lot of explaining to do," Sig shot back.

"No, I mean Jake is spending the night here," whispered Ava. She immediately regretted agreeing to Jake staying here. If only he didn't adore her and treat her like a fucking queen this would be so much easier. Ava knew she could never hurt Jake.

"You mean you don't want me to fuck you tonight? This is the only chance we have, Ava. Tell the boy to get lost."

Ava bit her lip and prepared to stand her ground. "No. And don't talk about him like that."

"No? What the hell, Ava? You think that you can just break all of this off?"

It was the exact opposite of what she wanted to do. Her delicate balancing act was getting more and more difficult to keep straight. She was quick to realize that if her and Jake ever broke up and it ended badly, it would cause a strain among the crew. As their PR manager, she had to keep close tabs on all of them. Ava knew that Jake was quickly falling in love with her, so she wasn't just able to throw that away.

"I don't want to break it off, Sig. I just - we just can't right now. Not tonight, okay? I'm sorry."

"This is how I knew it would start. This is how we'll end. I just can't believe that you'd end it so quickly with me when you just started dating Jake."

"I don't want to end it!" she shouted. "Why can't you understand that this is hard for me? I can't push him away. I can't. Anyone with a brain and two eyes will know that he's falling in love with me. And the sad part is is that he's good for me. He treats me the way a girl should be treated, he's nice, he's funny. He cares about me. He can show the world he cares about me."

She heard Sig laugh on the other end. "Ava you knew that when we started this that I couldn't give you the world. You knew that it would always be secret meetings, it would only be for a short time. You better figure out what the hell you want."

"You!" she quickly answered. "You, okay? I do want you. Every day I think about you. But I care about Jake. More so than I thought I would. I'm sorry. I just can't do this tonight."

"You're making a wrong decision, Ava," he warned.

"It feels right to me," she answered and closed her phone.

She sat out in her living room for a few minutes as she tried to slow her heart rate. Once she sorted out her emotions, she stood up and made her way back into her bedroom. Jake was laying there, reading one of her People magazines. When he heard her come in, he looked over the magazine and smiled at her.

"Is everything okay? I heard you shouting."

'Dear God please - I hope he didn't hear anything,' she pleaded to herself. She climbed on the bed and curled into his side, throwing an arm around his chest. She looked up at him and smiled softly.

"You're so good to me. I'm going to miss you so much when you're away. I love you, Jake."

Ava knew that it was the right thing to say. Jake's eyes lit up and she felt his lean arms hold her even tighter. He kissed her air and whispered, "I love you, too. I've been waiting months to tell you that. I'll be here all night, Ava. Goodnight."

"Thank you, Jake... Goodnight."

Ava felt Jake's breathing deepen within minutes. She laid awake, listening to the cars roar by. More than once she could have sworn she heard Sig's truck rush past. Ava realized she wanted to be loved. She wanted to love someone for the right reasons. Jake was everything she would ever need in a man. Yet she couldn't stop thinking about Sig. If it ever came down to it and she would have the chance to be with Sig, she still knew in her heart of hearts that she'd lean towards Sig. He gave her this life. Everything she had - apartment, car, clothing, friends, boyfriend - it was all given to her either directly or indirectly by Sig. She was free from the demands of her parents. She enjoyed her job. She had friends that were family. Still, she couldn't have the person that gave them all to her. Loving Jake was easy, it was the right thing to do.

It was a clear night. If she was quiet, she could slip out for an hour. Holding her breath, she rolled over from Jake's arms and stood up from bed. She tiptoed her way out and grabbed her phone. It rang only once.

"Change your mind?"

"I don't know what to do. You've given me everything but the one thing I want most," she sighed.

Ava could sense Sig running a hand through his hair. "I told you when we started this that I couldn't do that. I can't, and I am sorry. What is it that you want? You gotta let me know."

Her brain was going to explode from this information overload. She hated this.

"What do you want Ava?"

She wanted Sig and his crazy antics - the demanding captain, the authority that came with his position. She wanted his rants that the world saw on the camera. His rough hands on her skin, his deep blue eyes piercing daggers into her very soul. Ava wanted Sig to pick her up in his white pick-up for all the world to see. Wanted to be seen with him everywhere.

She wanted Jake and his sweet soul. Ava wanted him to protect her from the man that was sure to destroy her heart. Wanted to be loved and cared for, wanted to hold hands in public and go out on dates. She wanted bright blue eyes and his gentle hands on her skin.

It was too much.

"I - I can't do this right now. I'm sorry."

Ava turned her phone off and got a glass of water from the kitchen before making her way into her room.

That night, she laid in bed with thousands of thoughts rushing in her head. It finally dawned on her that even though she was dating Jake, Sig still wanted to be with her. He wouldn't have called if that were the case. He wouldn't be so demanding to see her. Perhaps it was possible to love two people.

Tomorrow she knew Jake wanted to spend time with his family. That was perfect fine with her. She needed to spend time with Sig, needed Sig to make her forget if only for a little while of the utter mess she was in.

Look at him, look at me

That boy is bad and honestly

He's a wolf in disguise

But I can't stop staring in those evil eyes

That boy is a monster

That boy is a monster

That boy is a monster

He ate my heart, he ate my heat

"Monster" - Lady GaGa


	18. Chapter 17: Nothing to Lose

A/N: First of all, THANK YOU to everyone who's left me reviews! I cannot express how excited I get each time I see a new review come over for my story. Second, I know that there are dozens of you out there reading who don't comment, and I still want to thank each and every one of you for just simply reading. I hope that you enjoy reading as much as I love writing. I have a "traffic viewer" on my account and in July 2010 I've had over 275 visitors and over 750 hits. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you! Third, this past season of Deadliest Catch absolutely flew by. I can't help but feel like I've lost a friend with the passing of Captain Phil. I cried during the last handful of episodes. It's amazing just how ordinary lives that extraordinary man touched. Fourth, a chapter or two ago I posted that this past season of DC gave me all of the inspiration I needed to finish out my story. From here on out, I know exactly how everything will pan out. Fifth... Enjoy the latest installment!

Chapter 17: Nothing to Lose

_"Sig,"_ Ava gasped, "Please... Make me forget," she choked out the words, desperate for air.

Sig's deep, gruff laugh resonated in her ears. "Forget what?" he kissed her neck.

Her mouth involuntarily fell open. "Forget this mess."

Sig stilled her movements and pulled her down. "I'll always make you forget him. When you're with me, there's only me. And when I'm with you, there is only only."

Everything was hard and fast. There was no time to waste. Ava would have loved to slow down and stare in his navy eyes, but the crew of the mighty Northwestern was leaving in just a few short hours. Sig trapped Ava in his wheelhouse, her pencil skirt hiked up around her waste as they moved together on his captain's chair. She wanted to enjoy this, but she knew it had to be fast. They couldn't get caught.

Sig's movements slowed down and Ava smiled to herself - another job well done - when she looked over his shoulder and saw shadows of men out on deck.

"Shoot!" she whispered and scooted off Sig. "Looks like some of the guys are here."

Frantically Ava pulled her black pencil skirt down and buttoned up her cream colored top. Sig was just smoothing out his hair and Ava was running her hands through hers when the door to the wheelhouse from the galley opened up. Sig put a finger to his lips. Ava was never so thankful that he smoked so much in his wheelhouse - an easy cover-up to the otherwise obvious scent that would have filled the small space.

Heavy footsteps thudded up the steep stairwell. "And here I thought I'd be the last person here!"

Jake.

Ava's heart hammered in her chest and she felt her cheeks flush. Jake went over to her and kissed her cheek. A small smile graced Sig's lips. To him, it was the ultimate domination when he knew what went on between he and Ava and Jake was still totally clueless. It was also very comforting to know that he was the last touch she'd know for the next several weeks. But, it was bound to be torture for the weeks out at sea when all Jake would do when not on deck is stare at pictures of Ava and talk about how wonderful she is. Like he needed a reminder.

"Ava here was just getting our schedule all worked out for Catch-Con this year. It looks like she's got all the kinks worked out. Thank god I hired you! You know how to put my mind at ease. You keep this little operation up and running so smoothly," he laughed. "Can you go out on deck and get all the ties ready to go?"

"I'll be right down," Ava offered. "I just want to have Sig sign off on a few more papers before I take them over to the pier to have it booked and put the deposit down for our ship. I think so far only the Time Bandit and Cornelia Marie have secured their spots."

Jake disappeared, saying that he only wanted to talk about fishing, not business. Ava turned to Sig, her finger poking his chest. "Don't you ever, ever say anything like that again in front of Jake! We were almost caught!"

"Why?" Sig challenged. He turned to face out the back window, watching Jake who was now with Matt, Norm and Nick. "Don't want Jake to find out?"

"If Jake finds out," Ava shot back, "then so does Tara. And the rest of the crew. And the fleet. And the camera crew, Discovery Channel, the fans. The media. Everyone. So no, I don't want Jake to find out. It would ruin everything."

She sank down into the other chair across from Sig's. She rested her head on one hand, crossing her legs. "It's getting more and more difficult to balance this all out. He wants to be with me all the time. I'm running out of excuses as to why I need a night or two alone a week. To him, we should spend every waking moment together. What are we going to do when he wants to move in?"

Sig just lifted his shoulders and let them fall.

"A shrug is your answer? This little plan of yours was fine for the first few months. Jake is just... He's just so sweet. And kind. He cares, he's passionate about everything he does-"

"Even you?" Sig chuckled.

Ava couldn't help but smile. "What I'm trying to get at is that I can give him no real reason why he and I can't be together. To him, to everyone but us, we're the perfect couple. He wants to give me the world, he takes care of his family. I escaped my parents' wrath of school, marriage, family. One day, Sig, it's going to catch up to us. Even if nobody ever finds out, you and I are going to have to do something."

The wind ripped outside and sent tarps flying, various tools clattered to the deck of the ship below. She knew she was in for another cold and rainy Seattle winter. King crab wasn't bad, as they only missed a few weeks in the Fall. But winter stretched on and on. Hopefully they got home sooner rather than later.

Sig didn't even acknowledge the hard truth that she was right. Instead, he ignored it all together. He lit up a cigarette and offered her one. She declined. He cleared his throat. "Why do you care about everyone around you but yet you refuse to do what makes you happy?"

Ava cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"Do you have fun with me? Do you like being with me? Do you like when the two of us are alone?"

She nodded. "You know I do. You're the one who made me realize that I don't have to listen to my parents when it comes to my life, my future."

"And your job? Do you enjoy what you do for us - the traveling, meeting people?"

"More than anything! I love my job," she assured him.

"Now. Do you have fun with Jake? Do you like being with him? Do you like when the two of you are alone?"

"What kind of question is that?" she challenged.

"Just answer me," he said flatly.

"Yes to all."

He got up and went over to her, massaged her shoulders and set his chin on the top of her head. "Then, Ava, why don't you just do what makes you happy? There'll be a time for me, for work and for Jake. And all three of those things make you happy. As long as you're happy, then why do you torment yourself over our cover being blown? Clearly we've been doing this for over a year now and we have a system. We know what to do, when to do it, and we have all of the excuses lined up. Hell, if my brothers haven't found out in over a year and a half, they won't. Neither will Jake as long as he's so enamored by you. Do what you want to do, not what you think people around you should do. That's just your parents all over again. Okay, beautiful?"

She listened to him. Really listened. For the past few months she's been beating herself up trying to mask the guilt. It was high time she started living her life and not thinking on both sides of the fence. She wasn't Sig, she wasn't Jake - she was Ava. It was her life, and high time that she started to enjoy it.

Ava turned around kissed his cheek. "I guess that's why you're the older of the two of us - with age comes wisdom, right Sig?"

Now he laughed. "What else do you have planned for us after Catch Con?"

Ava pulled out her leather binder from her tote bag and scanned through a list. "Well, there's Disney World. After the Catch is being filmed with Mike Rowe. That's in Seattle, I believe. Catch-Con in Seattle in April starts it off, though. I've had the Barnes & Noble in Philadelphia and New York City contact me to do book signings. Leno wants you and Edgar on the show sometime in May. Then there's the July Daytona race - they want you as the Grand Marshall-"

Sig cut her off, laughing. "Me? Are you serious? Why do you not tell me these things, Ava?"

She bit her lip and stared him dead in the eyes. "Because every time I try to talk business with you you're too busy ripping my clothes off. By the way," she started to get up and put her binder away, "you owe me for that sweater last week. That was cashmere with a silk trim. Three hundred and fifty big ones."

"I think I pay you way too much," Sig laughed again.

"I've got two jobs remember? Trying to get all this PR stuff in order and making sure that I give you what your wife won't. Or can't. Silly bitch."

"Okay, okay, Get outta here. Go say goodbye to Junior. I'll call when I can."

"I'll be waiting for it," she said, kissed him once again and very carefully trotted down the stairs to the galley and out to the deck.

Edgar rushed over to her to hug her. "Jakey here says that you gave him a sealed envelope of pictures to take with him. Any reason why it's sealed? To keep little eyes away, hm?"

"Enough with the twenty questions, Edgar. Those are for Jake, let him alone."

Jake's white sweatshirt was already stained with black streaks and smears. His cheeks were red from the wind and cold. "Are you heading out?"

"Yeah," she said softly.

He grabbed her hand and led her back inside and pushed her against the wall. "I'm hoping we can get this done in eight to ten weeks. We've bought more quota, so it might be around ten weeks. I'm going to miss you so much," he whispered.

Ava put her hands on his face and looked at his glowing eyes. She swore they would glow in the dark, they were that bright. "You need to get me out of your head for ten weeks, okay? You need to keep yourself safe and the only way to do that is concentrate on what's going on out on the deck. Don't make me worry about you the entire time you're away. I need to sleep!"

Jake laughed, his eyes tearing up just a bit.

Sig's words rang in her ears. Do what makes you happy...

"Jake Anderson, you make me happier than I've been in years. Stay safe for me and for your family. I love you. So much."

It was something that had to be said. At this point, if Sig was listening, so be it. Ava knew she had to tell Jake before he left - not like King crab when they simply parted ways with a kiss.

Jake leaned in to kiss her and whispered to her, "I love you, too. I'll be safe. And I'll miss you."

The Pacific Northwest winter raged on. Cold, windy and rainy were the norm. Ava swore she'd have to buy new pants each season as the hems were always soaked. No wonder women wore tall boots here.

Unlike King crab season, Opilio season was hectic for her. When the crew left town, they had Catch Con, After the Catch, Disney World meet and greet, two book signings and the Leno show lined up. Now, smaller theaters were calling to have Q & A's up and down the east coast, the Norwegian Heritage Committee wanted the Hansen brothers in the parade and at least a dozen radio shows from around the area called to book.

It was the east coast tour that took up most of her time. Before the guys left, they blocked out weeks of her calendar that they wouldn't be available - that time was to be spent with family only. By the time the season was half way through, Ava's once organized calendar was a mess. Hating not having everything looking nice and neat, she decided that Wednesday afternoon to head out to Barnes & Noble to buy a new one.

It was rainy, of course, and Ava tried to juggle her purse, keys, coffee and shopping bag when her cell phone started to ring. Knowing it very well could be Jake, or Sig, she threw her purse and shopping bag in the car and, trying desperately to not spill the piping hot coffee on herself, she flipped open her cell phone without looking at her caller-ID.

"Hello, Ava O'Hara speaking."

Static filled her ears and her heart leapt in her throat. A call from the Bering Sea.

"Ava, it's Sig. Hey, are you um, sitting down? I have news."

Sig's voice sounded monotone and serious. She rarely hears him like this. Whatever news he had, it was major.

Heart beating, she closed her car door and started the engine, blasting the heat to warm her from her walk to the parking lot.

"What's going on?" she tried to keep her voice even. A million thoughts rushed through her head. An injury, an accident... Jake finding out.

"I need you to do research for me and possibly call a doctor. Phil Harris called me a couple of hours ago. He's coughing up blood after taking a pretty big wave. Said it threw him outta his bunk and he hit his ribs. He thinks the blood's from that, but you never know. He also said he's very short of breath and his entire chest hurts and is tight."

Ava knew that Phil and Sig were very close, best of friends. No wonder he sounded so worried.

"Do Josh and Jake know?" she asked. It would crush his sons, worry them both while out on the Sea.

"I don't think so. Their camera guy knows, and I know. Just see if you can find anything out about it. I'll call you back tomorrow?"

"If you talk to Phil, tell him I say hey. And tell Jake-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I'll talk to you soon, Ava."

And the line went dead.

The more Ava researched and red about the little bit Sig was able to tell her, the more her heart sank. Whatever was going on with Phil, it couldn't be good. Explanations ranged from a tear, puncture, blood clot, cancer. All were not good. Like all fishermen, she knew that Phil was extremely stubborn. She also knew that he had to get to a hospital.

So it's no surprise when Sig called her back, that Ava was stern. "Tell him he must get to a hospital. On their next offload, he needs to go. It could be... Sig, it could be bad," her voice broke.

"This is real life, Ava. This is our life. Fishing, yes. Being on the boat, yes. Going to a doctor when we do an offload? Hell no. Especially old Phil."

"Just..." she trailed off, exhausted from last night's restless sleep. "Just tell him to go. For his boys."

It's funny how a month flew by and now time was standing still. Her phone didn't ring. The days were colder, the rain heavier. She didn't even want to get out of her pajamas. Still, radios, TV shows, magazines kept calling. And she had to act as if everything was okay, as if one of her friends wasn't in serious trouble.

A week passed before Jake called her. "A blood clot passed through his lungs."

Ava sat up in bed, it was three a.m. when he called. "Passed through his lungs?" Ava asked, not believing what she heard. "Jake, the chances of survival from that-"

"I know, I know," he cut her off. In the distance, Ava could hear the constant droning hum of the engines of the ship. How could they sleep when it was so loud? "We're going to be home in ten days. We're doing our final offload."

Now Ava breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "But what about Phil?"

"Sidelined," Jake offered. "Josh said he's crushed, but he can't go out on the boat, not like this."

Ava didn't sleep at all that night. These guys were all on national television, beloved by millions of Americans. How could something like this happen? True, the show was a documentary so it showcased real life, a real way of making a living and the dangers of the sea. But exposing a brush of death due to sickness? She wondered how America would react, how the world would react, when the news of Phil's health reached headlines.

Mercifully, the day the crew arrived back in the Puget Sound was a clear day - the first in over two weeks. Ava dressed in a pair of low cut dark jeans and a hunter green sweater, throwing a brown down vest over it. She tugged on her brown boots over her jeans, checked her reflection in the mirror and stopped dead in her tracks.

Since when did she have bags under her eyes? She looked just as exhausted as she felt. What a wonderful impression to make on everyone at the docks. Even traffic seemed to cooperate on her drive down to the pier. She jogged down to the pier, just in time for the final line to be tied down. Ava sighed heavily and stared up. Jake was there, waiting for her.

This time, the cameras were still rolling. Ava and the rest of the wives and family of the crew all were on board for their homecoming. Jake's hand stayed on hers the entire time, even when she told him he smelled like a codfish. Once the cameras were off, Ava climbed up to the wheelhouse.

"Is Phil okay?" she asked softly.

Sig stared straight ahead, the water was choppy and Ava tried her hardest to not pay attention to the way the boat pitched.

"We've had a lot of close calls with waves, mechanical failures. Nothing like this."

Sig turned to her and she could see the pain on his face. "He's one of my best friends. I've known him practically my whole life. If it can happen to Phil, who's so untouchable, then it could happen to me."

Ava sat down in her favorite chair again. It seemed like it was just a few days ago that she was here. She finally looked at him. "You know, a really smart guy once told me that you've gotta do what makes you happy, all the time. Looks like this is fate's way of telling us all to get our priorities straight."

"Yeah? And what are yours?"

Ava shook her head, her hair falling in her face. Her brain was chanting Sig's name and Jake's name over and over again. There was no clear choice, no winner. "Hell if I know."

There was so much more that she wanted to tell him, wanted to confess. But the door opened up and she knew it would be Jake.

"Hey Ava, you up here?"

"Yes," she called down. Right on cue, he jogged up the stairs.

"Do you want to go to my parent's house tonight or do you want to just relax at yours? I'd say we could go to my place... But I probably have nothing to eat and what's there is probably no good."

Sig cleared his throat and finished cleaning up his wheelhouse.

"Why don't we just stay at my apartment? We can order takeout and a bottle of wine..."

Shit! She cursed in her head. She slipped up. No wine for Jake.

Sig quickly recovered for her. "Jake, you were awesome out there this season. Hey guys!" he called. The wheelhouse became even more cramped when Edgar, Norman, Nick and Matt came upstairs. "We've decided that we're going to make you a full-share this season. Congratulations, you earned it, Junior!"

Ava's jaw dropped as she looked at Sig. He continued.

"I'm so proud of you. You've been the best greenhorn we've had in years. And I do mean years! You're part of the family now. You've truly earned this. Now go take care of your family, and your woman."

Tears sprang to Ava's eyes, but Jake beat her to it. She could clearly see his baby blues watering.

"Thanks, thanks so much," he whispered.

The crew congratulated him and joked around while Ava tiptoed over to Sig.

"You're keeping him on here for good?"

Sig shrugged. "Keeping my family on deck together and happy is my priority. This is my way of life. It'll soon be Jake's. He is the future of the company. We've found the future in him."

That night, Ava spent the night with Jake and truly enjoyed herself. She was happy. She didn't think of Sig, the TV show or anything else other than Jake. As they sat together on her couch watching a movie, she snuggled closer to him. Here was everything she could have asked for. Sig said that he found the future for his boat and company. Ava couldn't help but begin to think that she's found her future in Jake Anderson as well.

She's got a halo 'round her finger around you

You know that I love you, boy

Hot like Mexico, rejoice

At this point I've gotta choose, nothing to lose

"Alejandro" - Lady GaGa


	19. Chapter 18: And I Can't Be Saved

A/N: I cannot thank you all enough for your reviews. It means so much to me. To have people say that what I'm writing is one of their favorite pieces is quite a compliment. Thank you. Thank you all so, so much. This was, to date, one of my favorite chapters to write. Just the setting of the chapter alone made me so happy to realize that I've finally arrived here. This place is actually my favorite spot in all of the world and I've seen many of these "things" happen while I worked here. I have been looking forwarding to writing this chapter for (no lie) TWO YEARS! So, here it is. I've received a PM asking how many chapters are left. To be 100% honest, I have no idea. I know what needs to happen yet, but I don't know how many chapters it'll be. Okay, I've gone on long enough! If you'd be so kind, please review. And, of course, enjoy!

Chapter 18: And I Can't Be Saved

There were few places in the world that Ava loved more than where she was standing right now - on Main Street, USA in the Magic Kingdom of Walt Disney World. She took a deep breath, slowly glanced around in all directions and let the biggest smile grace her face. It was overwhelming to her, even after all the times she stood in the exact same spot. The sights, sounds and smells were all engraved deep in her memory, but every time she stood here it was as if she was taking it all in again.

This time she stood with Jake at her side, her boss and his youngest brother behind her. To her right was the Confectionary Bakery. It was still early in the morning so the delicious aroma of fresh baked cookies wafted through the humid morning air. She heard the familiar clopping on the horses' hooves making their way down the quaint street. To her right stood Jake and the ever-present window displays of the Emporium gift shop.

"Did you know that those displays are actually lower than standard displays so children can see clearly in?" Ava asked.

She was met by three equally blank stares.

"What? I'm home!" she squealed happily.

Edgar poked Sig on his side. "Looks like she's finally lost it. She's been with us far too long."

Ava spun around, her smile never faltering. "I heard that! I love it here. I practically grew up here and to this day I call it home."

"She hasn't stopped talking Disney World all week," Jake said laughing. He was standing at Ava's side. He was fidgeting all morning, something that Ava picked up on.

"Well," she began, "you haven't stopped moving around all morning. You must be just as excited as I am. Where do you guys want to go first?"

That morning it was just her, Jake, Edgar and Sig. The other wives decided to hit up the spa at the Grand Floridian while Matt, Nick and Norman picked up a fishing excursion from the dock of their hotel, the Wilderness Lodge. Edgar hadn't left them live it down after Ava surprised the three of them with it the night their flight left.

Ava saw Sig's strained look. She made a mental note to question it later.

"I really want to check out the Buzz Lightyear thing," Jake said, his eyes lighting up.

"Why?" Ava asked. "So I can kick your ass?"

Edgar puffed up his chest and said, "I don't think you guys have seen the master in action. Prepare to meet your doom, Ava."

Sig spoke up. "He's right. Last year when we did this, Edgar spent hours on that damn ride. I swear the attendants just left him stay on for hours."

"Cast members, Sig. Disney employees are called cast members," explained Ava.

With a roll of his eyes Sig dismissed her. "You scared that Edgar's gonna beat you?"

"Hell no!" she laughed. "You guys ready?"

With that, the small group headed up Main Street, turned right to cross the bridge into Tomorrowland where one Buzz Lightyear was waiting.

Ava would never admit it, but she felt her pride tumble when she saw just how good Edgar was. In fact, he kicked all their butts by at least 10,000 points. After the first round, she immediately called a rematch, only to take over the title of champion.

The rest of the morning the group spent their time walking from attraction to attraction. Ava still took notice how quiet Jake was. She also couldn't help but feel Sig stare daggers at the two of them whenever Jake took her hand. After their second time at Buzz, they headed over to Space Mountain where Edgar screamed like a girl the entire way through.

The hot afternoon sun kept them all trying to stay relatively cool. They enjoyed the 3D show in Fantasyland, the Haunted Mansion in Liberty Square, Thunder Mountain and finally Splash Mountain.

And later that afternoon, after they cooled off with a turn on Splash Mountain, Edgar claimed he was going to meet up with his wife back at the hotel to freshen up before the two of them headed out for dinner.

The sun was beginning to set now, and the park was ever so gradually being lit with small twinkle lights from the trees.

"This is my favorite time of the day at Disney World. Everything is so picture perfect. I swear I could spend all day in the parks with just a camera taking pictures," observed Ava.

Jake had run off to use the restroom while Sig and Ava sat on a park bench by the castle.

"I feel like I'm losing you," he said quietly. "We never spend time together anymore. We only meet for an hour or two at a time."

Ava took a deep breath. "You were the one who told me that that was all you could give me."

"You agreed to it. But you could also make more time for me. We've proved over the past two years now that we can hide this perfectly."

"Why is it always my fault, Sig? Every time you mention this it's always me. What about you, hmm? You only call me with a half hour to get out of my apartment to meet you. You gotta give me some more time to get out of whatever situation I may be in."

"In the end, you'll chose him over me," Sig observed casually. He sat back, crossing his leg and throwing an arm over the back of the chair.

Ava laughed. "You say that like you can predict the future. You say that like you're so certain."

He just shrugged. "We're guys, Ava. We talk."

"Not about the truth, apparently. Thank God for that. You could have me all the time. We could be together all the time. You can give the boat to your brothers, the two of us can go away someplace. It could be so easy," she said with a sad smile. "The media would find out, I'm sure, but nobody would know where we went. We'd be safe. But you won't give me the one thing I want most."

"So you're going to settle for second?" he asked.

"Don't tell me that Jake's 'second' to you, Sig. Don't you dare," she began defensively. "Jake and you are two totally different people. I love you both for totally different reasons. Jake is everything I should love and you are everything I want," she explained.

It was the same argument over and over. Not just between the two of them, but to themselves. In the beginning, Ava was sure that she would have cut all strings with Jake had Sig asked. Hell, a part of her still knew she would if Sig asked her. The line between infatuation and love blurred a long time ago when it came to Sig. Not that it mattered, she would let him lead her blindly to hell and back. He already gave her the life he had. He was her savior when all she wanted to do was run. He gave her the space and freedom to do so. But with Jake, it was so different. When they were alone, she almost didn't have to pretend that their relationship was started as a huge cover-up to an affair that she was certain could bring down an empire of family history. Was it worth the rush of knowing that all she had to do was smile at Sig and he'd come undone? Of course it was. It was forbidden. And in a lifetime of propriety it was all she craved. Her argument was that she loved all of her friends for different reasons, so why couldn't she love these two men who gave her half of the life she wanted?

Sig knew damn well that all he had to do was snap his fingers and Ava would follow him wherever he went. But he'd be lying to himself if he didn't think that she'd fall right into Jake's arms forever if he asked. It would ensure her a stable and comfortable life and she could continue to live in Seattle. The ultimate question he was faced with? Deny Ava the chance for a happy future and potential family of her own and keep her with him or let Ava enter a life based on a lie. There was no clear answer. Life isn't about cut and dry problems. Sometimes you had to take the good with the bad, or the bad with the good depending on your outlook on life. Sig's outlook was dependent upon Ava.

And it was dependent upon it this very night. Hell, he knew Jake talked about marrying Ava. He knew he thought it every damn time he looked at her. Sig looked at her the same way, only it wasn't when other eyes were around. Everyone knew how excited Ava was for this trip and that this place was one of Ava's favorites. So why not capitalize on it? Why not take the one thing that saved Sig from the spiral of depression that his life would have led should he not have met Ava?

"Will it be enough?" he asked. He saw Jake coming back to the bench out of the corner of his eye.

Ava shook her head and gave him a sad smile. "Nothing in my life will ever be enough unless it's just you and me. Since that's not an option, I have to take the good with the bad."

"Edgar called me. Apparently he and Leah are heading here tonight - Leah cancelled their dinner reservations at the hotel and got us all in at some Italian place. Matt, Jessica, Norman and Nick are all on their way over, too."

"One big happy family!" Sig said with a grin towards Ava.

Jake looked a bit pale and was sweating a bit too much. It was warm, but not so hot to merit all his sweat.

"Jake, are you okay? You've been acting strange all day," she asked him.

"I'm fine," he clipped. "Do you guys want to go head towards the front of the park and wait for the rest of them?"

As they walked down Main Street, Ava kept sneaking glances at Sig. After their talk he just looked sad which Sig never was. The hard-faced Norwegian was happy, calm or angry. There was never a sad-Sig.

'Phil,' she thought. 'He's thinking about Phil.'

After the season Phil was in fact diagnosed with a blood clot that passed through his heart. She lost count on the number of times she's heard that Phil should be dead. He escaped death and in typical Phil Harris style he threw himself into his life at home and his kids. Jake Harris was upset, but he hid it well. Josh Harris, however, wore his heart on his sleeve. There were times that he'd call her in the middle of the night and just talk to her. She never had to say anything, either. Josh knew his dad didn't want to hear it, Jake was flying high on life, quite literally, and he couldn't talk to his guy friends about the fears he had when it came to his father. They were crab fishermen. Feelings were never talked about. They may be written all over a face, but never shared.

Sig Hansen was a classic example.

They all met up at the entrance. Much to her surprise, Tara wasn't there. She thought for sure she'd show up for her usual two hour seen-and-be-seen ordeal. Being part of a large group was never Tara's favorite thing to do. Leah came right up to Ava and threw her arms around her.

"How are you, sweetie? Happy to be here?"

Leah was acting just a little too happy and alert. She glanced around. In fact, everyone had huge smiles on their faces and were - actually dressed up?

"What the hell is going on?" Ava said, throwing her arms up in the air.

"Well, we're all going to dinner here at Tony's. And Jake here-" Jake stepped up and cut Matt off.

"You and I are going there," he said, pointing to the majestic castle in the distance. "Surprise!"

Now, it was known in the circle of Disney-enthusiastic people that only a few restaurants required some nicer clothing. It was only then that she noticed Jake had changed his clothes when he went to use the restroom.

Leah practically threw Ava a small, white bag. "You're welcome," she smiled.

Ava excused herself to the restroom across the walkway and looked in the bag. Heels and a little black dress.

'What the hell is going on?' she repeated in her head again.

It hit her all at once. Sig's talk. Everyone there and dressed up. Dinner for just Jake and Ava in Cinderella Castle. She felt herself gag and immediately sweat. Leah, bless her, had packed a small travel size stick of deodorant. It all kept adding up. Sig's sad face, Jake being fidgety, Jake changing his clothes. Sig's talk stuck out in her mind. The things he said took on all new meaning.

'You'll chose him in the end...'

Ava started to shake within the confines of the small stall. All around her she heard kids crying, toilets flushing and people talking way too loud on their cell phones looking for little Bobby, Davy, Elizabeth and Mary.

'So you're going to settle for second...'

She was never shaky on heels and right now she felt like she couldn't even walk with bare feet and not trip. She wanted to run, bolt out of there.

Ava took deep, steady breaths and tried to calm her nerves. Maybe Jake just wanted to spend some time alone with her. After today he, Sig, Edgar, Matt and Nick would only be signing autographs from noon until six o'clock for the next three days. That made sense. She told herself that's all it was. Stealing one last glance at herself in the mirror, she walked out of the restroom.

Her reserve was almost shot to hell when she saw Sig look her from the tips of her toes to the crown of her head. Never before had she thought such impure thoughts at a family resort. She felt like a devil in black walking over to the group. She couldn't take her eyes off Sig. He was letting her walk straight to her doom. He didn't even tell her! Sig was staring at her, mostly her legs. She quickly glanced down to make sure she didn't have toilet paper sticking to her stiletto heels. It was then she noticed her shoes she had packed in her suitcase that Leah had brought for her - they were the same shoes that Sig always requested she keep on her narrow feet when they slept together. She wished she would have stayed in the restroom longer.

'He warned you,' she argued. 'He told you this would happen.'

The sun was setting even more and Main Street was all lit up now. Families staked their claim on various positions of the sidewalk waiting for the nightly parade.

"You two go enjoy yourselves," Matt's girlfriend, Jessica, said. "We'll meet up with you later for the fireworks?"

Ava nodded her head, unable to talk.

"That sounds great, Jess," Jake smiled at her.

Jake took her hand and together the two of them made their was towards Cinderella Castle. Their stroll was leisurely. Ava pointed out various little tidbits of interest to Jake.

First she pointed to the tops of the buildings. "See the names on those windows? They were the designers of this park. They wanted their names here permanently. Walt has his name on one looking over Cinderella Castle so he'll always have the perfect view. And did you notice how the two rows of shops seem to slightly become more narrow towards the end? Forced perspective. It tricks the eye to thinking that the castle is off in the distance and, at the end of the night when you're exhausted, it looks Main Street look shorter than it is. And, of course, beneath us are tunnels that are actually on ground level. The entire Magic Kingdom is built on the 'second' floor. The tunnels are how cast members get to their various work locations."

Rambling. She knew she was doing it and she couldn't stop. She didn't want there to be any awkward silence between them.

Jake, her sweet Jake, just listened to her as if what she was saying was the cure to end world hunger or bring world peace.

Dinner, much to her approval, was a quiet affair. The two of them were seated at a table next to the massive and ornate stained glass windows. Her view was of the carousel, its lights casting shadows on their intimate table.

"You know I love you, Ava," Jake said half way though their main course.

'Don't ruin this, Jake,' she begged in her head.

"I love you, too. Are you having fun? Tomorrow we can make dinner reservations for one of the restaurants in Epcot. What are you in the mood for? Italian, French, Japanese?"

She was rambling again, and she knew it. Jake gave her an easy smile, those bright blue eyes sparkling in the candle-lit room.

Ava's jaw opened just a little. True, she always realized how handsome Jake was, but right now, in this moment, she was sure that she could picture herself with him for years to come. It was her Jake. Her sweet, sweet Jake who would give her the sun, moon and stars if she asked for them. There was nothing to be afraid of. Jake reached out for her hands and she gave them to him, not shaking once.

'Here it comes,' she thought. She sucked in her breath when Jake looked up at her from his plate.

"I'm not perfect," he started. "There's a lot about me that I tried to hide. I never knew when or where to tell you. I don't want you to think differently about me."

Ava gave him a sincere smile. "You know I'll still love you no matter what you tell me."

His voice dipped low. "I'm a borderline alcoholic. My best friend is my sister who is terminally ill. My last girlfriend broke up with me on Valentine's Day. I make more money than my dad. I want to give you the world. I thought I was in love, but it was nothing compared to what I feel for you. This has been one of the best days of my life."

And he stopped. He patted her hands and went about finishing his dinner.

The record player scratched and stopped. Crickets. Open jaws. And a hundred other things that all mean the same thing.

"Let's do French tomorrow. Never had it," he said with a shrug. "This lamb is amazing, though!"

Apparently Leah just knew that Ava would want to be dressed up for this restaurant.

"Jake," Ava began, but he stopped.

"We can talk about me and my problems later tonight. I just want to enjoy tonight, okay? I'll tell you whatever you want to know about me. All you have to do is ask."

She respected him enough to drop the subject.

The pair laughed lightly during the rest of their meal, enjoying each other's company. Ava was now relaxed. She wouldn't lie, she was slightly disappointed that there was no proposal. Part of her couldn't help but be relieved at the same time. She knew that Sig would be waiting for the two of them later that evening for the nightly fireworks show. How could she walk out with a ring on her finger and a promise to spend forever together with another man and throw it in Sig's face? Not possible. Ava hoped with all her might that when and if Jake proposed to her, it would be in private so she could ease into telling the dozen or so people that had to know immediately.

Now that dinner was over, they walked down the winding staircase with the thick red carpet underneath.

"Do you want to stay for fireworks?" he asked.

Ava nodded. "Sure."

Before Ava could say another word, Jake's cell phone rang. Ava wiped her hands on her dress, trying to stay calm and try not to think about an engagement.

"It was Edgar," Jake announced. "He wants one more round on Buzz. You want to go?"

Ava shook her head. "I don't think so. I'll just go meet everyone else. Is that okay?"

"Sure," Jake answered. He leaned down to kiss her cheek. "I'll be back in a bit."

Ava watched Jake walk away from her, heading back over to Tomorrowland, and she pulled her own phone out.

"Sig? Can you come meet me... Same park bench?"

"You got it."

All around here were happy faces. She saw other couples strolling hand-in-hand, families pushing strollers with toddlers fast asleep from the day's adventures. Yet Ava could not smile. She psyched herself up for a proposal that never happened. Crossing her legs, she sat back and ran her fingers through her hair. What an evening this turned out to be.

She smiled when she felt Sig sit next to her. He put his arm around her and pulled her close and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Why did you tell me he was going to ask me to marry him?" she asked quietly, her fingers flexing nervously.

Sig chuckled. "I never said he was going to ask you over dinner."

So there was still a chance it would happen. Ava knew that the next few days were going to be busy with the autograph sessions and this may be the only chance their little family would all be together.

"Did - did you want him to ask you earlier?"

Ava took her head off his shoulder and looked at him. "I'm not sure. Sig, I don't know anymore. When I'm with Jake he's all I can think about. He's everything I know I need in a husband. But then when I'm with you or he even mentions your name, I can't help but think how our relationship started."

"How did it start?"

"A lie," she clipped at him. She continued on. "I don't want you to be mad at me."

Sig turned to her and took her hands in his. "Listen to me. I'm not going to be mad at you when that time comes. I understand. I don't want it to happen, but I want to make sure you're taken care of, too. I'm trying my best to make sure you're alright and taken care of, but I do it behind the scenes. I don't want to lose you," he admitted.

"You won't lose me. I'm scared you won't want me if he and I ever get married."

"Ava," Sig began, "I'll always want you. You have nothing to worry about. No matter what happens tonight," he stopped, realizing what he said.

"Tonight?" Ava asked.

"Or any other night," he recovered, "you're always going to be the woman that was meant for me. Shitty timing, but you are mine. And since I've only said it a few times, I figure now is as good as any..."

Sig's voice trailed off and Ava stared at him intently. "Go on," she urged.

And there, with the perfect backdrop of Cinderella Castle illuminated in hues of royal purple and princess blue, Sig kissed her. It was their first kiss ever in a public place, and Ava couldn't help but think he was surely out of his mind. He was kissing her in the most visited theme park in the world. She kissed him back, praying that nobody they knew was coming up behind them.

When Sig pulled away, he kissed her forehead, her cheek and then whispered in her ear, "I love you."

Those three words gave Ava the strength she needed when she felt like she was dying inside.

"I never had that kiss in front of the castle and an 'I love you' said to me," she admitted, laughing slightly.

"I wanted to be the first to tell you, here, in this spot and this place that I know you love so much. I know that I can't give you what you want, and I'm sorry. But just know that I love you. Lord only knows how you can make me feel the way I do, but I'll always love you for it. And, Ava," he continued, "just be happy. Don't over analyze anything else. Be happy."

Deep down inside Ava knew that after his confession, she knew she could die happy. After two years of mental battle, she finally got the confession she always dreamed of, the confession that she knew all along. Having Sig tell her everything she's always wanted to hear put a permanent smile on her face.

She glanced at her watch - a half hour had passed.

"They'll be here soon," she stated.

And so they just chatted about the signing event tomorrow. Sure enough, Matt, Jessica, Norman, Edgar, Leah and Jake all appeared within minutes.

Ava led them a little further east of where her and Sig were seated. The stopped on a bridge connecting two parts of the theme park together. And at long last, the lights dimmed and the sounds of classic Disney music filled the air as fireworks lit up the sky in front of thousands of Disney guests. To her right, Jake put his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. To her left stood Sig and beside him was Edgar. Leah was in front of him, his arms wrapped around her. A mirror image of the pair was that of Matt and Jessica. Finally, Norman stood, intently watching the beautiful fireworks and munching on some pop corn.

She felt Sig touch her other arm, telling her everything in one touch - even tough she stood there with Jake's arm around her, he still loved her.

"You know," Jake said as the show began to wind down, "this is one of the most inspirational shows I've seen."

"Why's that?" Ava asked, chuckling a bit and glancing up at Jake.

"Well," he began, "it basically told the crowd to follow their dreams and that nothing you want in life is out of reach."

He pulled her to face him. "Do you know what my one wish is tonight, Ava?"

And before she could even register what was going on, she felt Sig's hand brush the tips of her hair. His words rang out in her head again.

'No matter what happens tonight...'

She shook her head. "No, what's that, Jake?"

"It's actually something that I'll wish for for the rest of my life."

He reached a shaking hand into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a black velvet box with gold trim. He dropped down on one knee. "I wish for you to spend the rest of my life with you. Make that dream come true? Will you marry me, Ava?"

Lights go out and I can't be saved

Tides that I've tried to swim against

You've brought me down upon my knees

Oh, I beg, I beg and plead

Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks

Gonna come back and take you home

I could not stop that you know now

I'm signing, come out upon my seas

Cursed missed opportunities

Am I part of the cure? Or am I part of the disease?

And nothing else compares, oh no nothing else compares

"Clocks" - Coldplay


	20. Chapter 19: Choosing My Confessions

A/N: The last chapter took an emotional toll on me, I won't lie. Stepping into the shoes of Ava always drains me which is why there are months at a time where I just can't do it. Other times I will quite literally hear these characters speaking to me and I need to get it all down. Dialogue is one of the hardest things to pinpoint and when I can get just one quote I can run with it. So when I was in the midst of writing my baby, Chapter 18, I had to just stop going or else it would have been so much longer. Part of this is a continuation of the previous chapter. A lot of you know that I got engaged a year ago and I remember vividly the feeling I had for a few weeks. I couldn't imagine being Ava and what she has to go through. The rest of this story has tons of the plot from the past 2 seasons of DC woven in. Okay everyone - enjoy!

Chapter 19: Choosing My Confessions

It was cliche yet customary for the woman to cry when her boyfriend (well, fiancee, really) slips the stunning piece of jewelry onto the left ring finger - that band that went on forever on the finger with the vein that ran closest to her heart. And there with Ava's fairy tale castle behind her, Sig's scent filling her nostrils and Jake's person before her eyes, she let the tears cascade freely down her face.

Sig was right all along - she'd choose Jake in the end.

'This isn't the end, it's only the beginning,' she thought bitterly. 'And now I get to plan my wedding with my sweet, wonderful Jake who has no clue I'm head over heels in love with his boss and role model. And, oh yeah, live happily ever after.'

The sick reality was that she was crying not because she was happy, but because Sig's confession all but flew out the window. It was irrelevant now. He gave her her life and she in return gave him his death. It was awful for her to get the chills when Sig's fingers brushed her hair while Jake asked her to spend the rest of her life with him. It was downright wrong for her to hear Sig's voice in her head telling her 'You'll choose him in the end' as she mouthed her simple "Yes" to Jake.

Of course her engagement ring sparkled up at her. The band split in two and met the center diamond at four points. She tried to place it, knowing it wasn't Tiffany, but something much more special. It had to be, it glittered like the fireworks that had just ended.

"A Hearts on Fire," Jake offered, kissing the ring - her ring. "It's the world's only perfectly diamond. Only the best jewelers in the world know how to cut it. It's call the Wondrous."

Any girl with a brain knew what a Hearts on Fire was. And knew that her rock was resting peacefully surrounded by baby diamonds and platinum cost a small fortune.

"Jake," she breathed out, "it's gorgeous."

"Only the best for you, Ava."

He moved in to capture her lips and wipe the tears from her cheeks before pulling her in for a hug and smiling broadly at everyone behind them.

When Ava finally pulled away and slowly turned around, she was met by smiles, hugs and congratulations.

"Looks like we're keeping you for good, ringleader," Edgar laughed while hugging her. He spun her around and kissed her cheek. "Congratulations. You just made Junior's life."

"Yeah," Norman agreed, hugging her, too, "now we don't have to hear him plotting how he's going to pop the question anymore. I swear we endured the longest Opie season ever!"

Leah and Jessica practically ripped her arm out of the socket when they saw her ring.

Leah pointed her finger at poor Edgar. "I think I'm due for an upgrade. Who helped him pick out this ring? I've never seen something so beautiful. It's elegant, modern yet so vintage all at the same time."

Jake spoke up and Sig tried to shake his head. Ava narrowed her eyes at him. She felt her stomach churn. 'No,' she thought to herself, 'please don't tell me...'

"My parents have been with my sister a lot lately and I really wanted my dad to help me. After all, he designed my mom's ring. So, I asked the guy who I consider my second father to help me pick out a ring."

Ava felt all of the blood drain from her face and the only person she could look at was Sig. He had told her that guys "talked" but on the crab boat, Sig spent 99.9% of his time in the wheelhouse. Jake was on deck or in the galley. Is this what he meant by "talked"? She struggled to keep it together and willed her eyes to stop tearing up.

"I asked Sig to go with me when he cut me my full-share paycheck at the end of Opies. He and I went to every store in Seattle looking for this ring. Actually," he said with his sweet laugh that made her mouth go sour, "he was the one who spotted it."

All of the air was knocked out of her and she visually swayed on her feet.

Sig hadn't told her, hadn't said one word. Hell, he probably called her to have sex with her that very night. He warned her, but he never said that he was in on it. That he picked her ring that linked her to Jake forever.

"Ava," Jess said with alarm, "are you okay?"

"I think I'm just in shock!" she tried with all her might to laugh it off. "Is it okay if we head back to the hotel?"

Ava sat on the balcony of her and Jake's room at the Wilderness Lodge wearing her robe and staring at her finger. Jake was sleeping peacefully - he'd been out cold for the past hour now. Ava's hair was still damp from her shower, trying to wash him off of her. She felt sick, physically ill. Her finger burned and her hand itched to pick up her phone. With a groan, she gave into her desire.

It only rang once.

"I'm sitting by the fireplace at the front of the Lodge on the third floor."

It was all she needed to hear. She scribbled a quick note on the hotel's sand colored paper explaining to Jake that she wanted to go for a walk around the Courtyard, threw on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, flip flops, and headed out the door, room key in pocket.

A few minutes later, she sank into the buttery leather sofa next to Sig. She didn't even let him speak.

"You knew all along and you didn't tell me? How could you not tell me that you picked out my engagement ring?" she stage whispered, thanking it was past midnight. She couldn't stop. "You tell me that you love me and how wonderful I am but don't think to tell me what he was about to ask? Why?"

Sig put his hands in the air to slow her down. "I may love you but I still want you to live a normal life. Hell, I can't give that to you but Jake can. I want you to know the excitement of being engaged, getting married. I don't want to rob you of that."

"So don't rob me of it, Sig," Ava pleaded, "give me everything I want. Let's just go away like I told you before. People will find out and Jake will be crushed. Not only am I lying to him, he'll just end up with a broken heart. That's not fair. This will ruin everything," she lashed out, throwing up her hand and pointing to her ring.

"If you didn't care about him, you wouldn't have said yes."

"I had no other choice."

Sig put his hands over his face and tugged at his hair, making it stick up all over the place and she couldn't help but smile.

"Remember that night we met at the bar? The Wasteland? And you pulled me into that dark hallway and kissed me senseless?"

Sig smiled now, too. "How could I forget - it was the best kiss of my life."

"Getting married to Jake scares me more than kissing a complete stranger like I did that night."

They fell into a strained silence. Ava cleared her throat and looked at him. "Why this ring?"

"There was no way in hell you were getting a solitaire. I mean, they're beautiful and all, but you needed something classy. You always wear these old-looking necklaces and pins and scarves so when the lady behind the counter asked what you wear on a normal basis and Jake had no clue, I had to step in. I shrugged it off as saying I see you dressed up for business. She suggested 'vintage'," he said making air quotations that had Ava laughing out loud, "and told me to look for bands with diamonds set in them. I saw this and I thought of you. Unique and beautiful."

Ava didn't even have to ask what was on her mind.

"I couldn't present you with this ring myself, but if I could, this is what I would have picked out to give you. I was just happy Jake liked it, too. So now I'll always know I'm represented on that finger. And what are you going to do with your amethyst ring?"

She glanced down and it was only then that she noticed her signature ring looked hideously out of place next to her engagement ring. Ava wore the ring every day since Sig gave it to her before she left him that one fateful day in the Spring two years ago. She slid it off and slipped it on the other hand. "You're not going anywhere," she stated and pulled him in for a heated kiss.

The pair lost track of time as they sat there on the oversized sofa, cuddling, laughing and sharing stolen, secret kisses. Finally, Sig sat up and brushed her hair back.

"I'm going to spend some time with Tara and the girls. Go out and enjoy this place with Jake, okay? I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

Ava struggled to push aside her disappointment. On her way back to her room, she glanced down at her ring and smiled to herself. Jake may have captured her heart, but Sig set it on fire.

Summer passed by in a rush of fan meet and greets, autograph signings, public appearances, radio shows and even a parade. Ava split her time between Jake and Sig. Sig began to pick up on when they talked about the wedding because Ava demanded to see him.

One particularly hot summer evening, Ava was laying on a chaise lounge by Sig's pool, margarita in hand.

"We set a date," Ava announced, taking a sip of her drink. When Sig didn't say anything, she continued. "July 4, 2009. Everyone will be home from fishing, my parents and family can come out for a long-weekend for the holiday. The ceremony and reception will be outside, so we thought it would be really nice with fireworks and all."

Silence stretched between them and Ava fidgeted. She straightened her khaki skirt, took another sip of her drink.

Finally, Sig said with a sigh, "Do you think he'll ask me to be a groomsman?"

"No groomsmen and no bridesmaids," she answered quickly. "We're going for very simple, minimalistic-"

Now Sig laughed. "Yeah, with that massive ring on your finger and a wedding date on a holiday?"

"-and vintage. It'll be at night, so lots of candles and white twinkle lights. I've already found my dress."

With those words, Sig's head snapped up from his laptop. "So you are putting a lot of thought into this?"

She didn't want to tell Sig that she'd had her wedding planned out for years, before she even moved to Seattle, and she was going to go on with those plans. Besides, Jake would never tell her 'no' so she was never met with any arguments.

Her emotions were never so conflicted. She fell in love with planning her wedding but would catch herself envisioning Sig waiting for her at the aisle. When she told him that, he laughed right in her face.

"That would go over swell. Don't think of me, Ava. If you can't think of Jake, then think of yourself and make sure you're happy. What's so difficult about it?"

He never got it. He confessed his feelings for her, but still wouldn't agree to just divorce his wife and spend his life with her. It was always a different argument - the ship, his family, his brothers and the company, the TV show, the age difference.

"Famous people get married all the time who have huge age differences. I don't think ours are that bad."

Sig deadpanned: "You're 24 and my oldest daughter is 16. You could be her big sister."

"But I'm not!" Ava argued back, getting up from her lounge chair with a huff.

"Tara will be home soon. I better head out."

Sig pointed to the ground beside the chair she was occupying. "You may want to take your panties."

Now Ava couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, shut up, Sig!"

The summer days slowly slipped into cooler evenings and Ava knew that the King crab season was approaching. She also knew that Jake's oldest sister, Rebecca, was taking a turn for the worst. In and out of the hospital, she felt so bad for the girl who was a couple of years younger than her. Rebecca loved everyone around her and Ava couldn't help but want to spend time with her.

And so, when she kissed Jake goodbye and begged Sig to stay safe and keep the boat safe, Ava would spend as much time with Rebecca as she could.

That King crab season was quite cold but the crew of the Northwestern got on the crab and got on the crab early. Matt cooked daily dinners for the crew while Edgar played with fire - literally. Norman and Nick mostly kept to themselves.

Jake felt that with his upcoming wedding he also needed more responsibility on the deck. He went right to the deckboss, Edgar, who pointed him upstairs.

"Hey Sig?" Jake said with a quiet knock. "Can I come in?"

Sig rolled his eyes, praying the camera didn't capture it. "Sure, Junior. Come in."

Jake took a seat on the chair across from him, the chair he lovingly called Ava's chair. "I want to learn more on the deck."

Running a hand through his hair, Sig let out a heavy sigh. "Why now, Jake? Don't you want to focus on your wedding?"

"Well, yeah of course. But now that Ava and I are going to get married I feel like I need to know more about the boat. It's my future and I want to be prepared. I need to support and take care of Ava."

'Like I am right now,' Sig thought bitterly.

He knew that the Discovery Channel would never air this conversation. They at least tried to protect family life and personal life.

"Don't put too much on our plate, Jakers. I wouldn't have made you full share if I didn't think you had a bright future with us on the boat. Take it one season at a time."

Jake's eyes lit up and he smiled widely. "You really think I have a future here?"

Sig nodded, unable to say anything else. Hell, Jake had a future on his boat and with his woman. He had it all. Sig had his boat, but even he knew he was aging and one day he wouldn't be able to keep up. Just like Ava was terrified that Sig wouldn't want her when she was married, Sig was horrified at the thought of Ava not wanting him when he got 'old.'

"That means everything to me," Jake whispered.

"You just gotta take care of Ava, man," the captain began. "Give her the world. Never say no to her. You're not just marrying our manager, she's one of my best friends. She knows me better than I know me sometimes and she's the only one who can decode that psycho babble that Discovery execs like to throw in my face. She makes this company work when we're not on the water. Don't you dare hurt her."

Jake said something that made Sig's skin crawl, but he couldn't help think was a bit of a turn on to him. "You sound like a father figure to Ava, too."

Sig didn't say anything about Ava anymore. "You're doing a great job down there. We struck gold with you on deck. The guys all know, too."

"Thanks," Jake said, looking out to sea.

The captain noticed Jake's gazes on the deck every now and then. "Thinking about home?"

"My sister," Jake clarified. "She's not doing too well. She spent the first two weeks of September in the hospital. Ava spends a lot of time with her. Rebecca loves her. Hell, my whole family loves her."

Sig didn't want to hear anymore. "Get back to work, and try to keep your mind on the deck, not at home."

"Yes sir," acknowledged Jake.

When the cameraman went to ask Sig a question, he put up a finger, telling him to hold on. He put his cup of coffee on the small desk, lit up a cigarette and opened a fresh Kit-Kat bar.

"You rolling?" Sig asked.

"Yeah, man. You stressed out?"

"What does it look like? I've got a cup of coffee in one hand, a cigarette in the other and my lunch is a chocolate bar. Why are the things you want most in life always the worst for you?"

"...Why are the things you want most in life always the worst for you?"

(Flash forward)

Ava burst out laughing at the TV. Jake looked over at her with his sad face and she quickly covered it up. "Another classic Sig-ism, I take it?"

She picked up her phone, fingers flying over the keypad and texting Sig that classic little line. She ended with: 'Our own personal inside joke on TV?'

He texted back: 'You caught that?'

She answered: 'You know I listen to everything you say.'

"Do you want to go to bed, Jake?" Ava asked softly. She could tell Jake had been crying again. His sky blue eyes were rimmed with red. It had been five months and the loss of his sister was still fresh in his mind.

He nodded at her. She stood up and put her arms out. When he stood up to face her, she hugged him tightly. "I'm not going anywhere, you know. I love you."

(Back to present day)

Ava had a stack of wedding magazines resting on the widow ledge of Rebecca's hospital room. Rebecca loved paging through the glossy pages, trying to imagine her baby brother's wedding. Ava had described it to her at least a dozen times, but it never failed.

"Tell me again," she begged.

And Ava couldn't help but laugh. "Okay. Close your eyes. Now, imagine..."

Ava tried with all her might to paint the most realistic picture for Rebecca. Each night she prayed that Rebecca would hold on for just another few months so she could witness the actual wedding. Doctors would give a different report every week. It was frustrating to no end.

At least this King crab season Ava had actual friends to spend it with. When she wasn't with Rebecca, she was at Jake's parents' house helping out with cooking and cleaning. And when she wasn't there, she was at Edgar's house with his wife, Leah. She considered Leah a close friend as well. They quickly found out that they had a lot more in common than just their love of clothing. The pair would get their nails done, gossip, and plan outrageous trips that they both knew they'd never go on. Leah was a breath of fresh air for Ava when life got too heavy.

"How's Rebecca?" Leah asked sincerely over lunch one afternoon. It was a cold, wet Seattle afternoon and the ladies had made their way across the 520 bridge to Bellevue for a late lunch.

Ava put down her fork, her stomach churning at the thought. "Doctors say that the family needs to spend as much time with her as possible. Jake's panicking, I just know it. They only have two more weeks left up there. And Julie and Charlie insist she be home for Christmas and New Years."

"Of course," agreed Leah with a nod. She noted when Ava didn't pick up her fork. She stretched her hand out to Ava. "Hey. It'll be okay. Sig will get the guys home safe and sound. Don't worry about it. I never do. Edgar is my husband and the most important person in my life, and I trust Sig with all my heart that he'll keep him safe. You have to, too."

That night, wrapped up her her big, comfy and cold bed, Ava couldn't help but laugh to herself. She thought about what Leah had said. Why, in the end, did it always come back to Sig?

Every whisper of every waking hour  
I'm choosing my confessions  
Trying to keep an eye on you  
Like a hurt, lost and blinded fool  
"Losing My Religion" - R.E.M.


	21. Chapter 20: Breaking This Fixation

A/N: I forgot to mention - the quote from Sig that I used in the last chapter was pretty much an actual quote from a season or two ago. Sig had made that comment regarding their diet. I'm trying to tie as much in from the past two seasons now as I can. Events play a major, and I'm talking major role, in how the rest of this story plays out. As always, thanks everyone! Enjoy!

Chapter 20: Breaking This Fixation

Attempting to stick with age old tradition, Ava dashed into her master bedroom of her apartment to frantically grab her delicate wedding gown and quickly keep it out of the eyesight of Jake Anderson. Before she closed the spare bedroom's closet door, she took in her gown once again and sighed.

She'd always imagined going shopping at a salon with her family and friends. But with everyone a country away, she was left to go on her own. She stumbled across one of the only couture wedding gown salons in the city - Marcella's. And there, in the midst of thousand-dollar gowns lovingly crafted by Vera Wang, Carrolina Herrera and Monique Lhullier, Ava fell head over heels in love with an intricate all-over lace gown by Lazaro. Her attendant helped her into the beautiful gown and then left Ava in the large fitting room, mirrors and lights placed just so so that she felt like she stepped out of the page of a magazine. That feeling of just 'knowing' - Ava believed it one hundred percent. Love at first sight. She knew that it would fit her wedding perfectly and that Jake would love it. However, Ava felt disgusted with herself when her attendant took her measurements - all she could think about was a pair of dark blue eyes waiting for her at the end of the aisle.

That thought snapped her out of her daydream and she slammed the door shut, apologizing deeply to her beautiful gown.

It was a week since the captains and crews were home and back in the Seattle area. Jake, Josh and Jake Harris, Phil, Johnathan, Andy and Sig and Edgar had all planned to go out to a bar. Sig suggested the Wasteland and Ava couldn't help but agree.

"You ready to go?" asked Jake, looking her up and down. Winter was right around the corner. Ava had on a pair of dark skinny jeans, a sequin tank top with a cropped, tight leather jacket and her favorite shoes - her black stilettos.

Ava smiled. "Stop oogling, Jake. It's not polite."

He slinked over to her and put a hand on her waist. Her hand automatically went to his chest and she smiled even more.

"You're my fiance. I think I'm allowed to look at you however I want to. You make it kind of hard to not look, Ava. You don't have to dress up for me anymore."

She furrowed her brows. "You don't want me to look nice when we go out?"

He quickly said, "You don't have to impress me. Are you trying to impress anyone else?"

'Your boss,' she thought. Instead, she shook her head, curls tumbling over her shoulders. "Nope. And yes, I'm ready to go."

Being that Jake was so shy, it definitely took a few before he could let loose on the dance floor. That left only Josh, Jake Harris and an already loaded Johnathan to dance with Ava. The youngest Harris brother was attempting to hit on a girl with jet black hair while his older brother kept a close eye on Ava. The pair were dancing, drinks in hand. Johnathan attempted to move up behind her but she would always ward him off.

"I don't think so, captain Hillstrand. There's a nice lady over by the bar. Why don't you go buy her a drink?"

Ava tried to listen, but over the loud music and Johnathan's limited ability to speak clearly, she failed.

Meanwhile, in a booth that Ava had secured for the group, Sig's eyes were fixed on Ava.

"Isn't this where you saw her for the first time?" Edgar asked, taking a swig of beer. "She was wearing that ridiculous mini skirt?"

Sig nodded. "Yeah. What's your point?"

Edgar held up his hands defensively. "Woah, I didn't know we signed up to take out Oscar the Grouch. I just wanted to know why when we're not at a business event you always look at her like you're going to throw her over you shoulder, haul her away and have your way with her."

He played it off. "I do not."

Phil spoke up. "You do, too!"

"Hell yeah," Andy added. "I don't blame you, though. I could stare at her all day. Anderson lucked the fuck out."

The youngest Hansen poked his big brother in the side. "Told you you stare at her."

Sig slammed a fist down. "And from the sound of it, so do all of you!"

Lighting up his first cigarette of the evening, Phil quipped, "You really do get all defensive when we call you out on Ava. You got the hots for her?"

Andy set his beer down. "You can tell us. I'm sure you're not the only one here who feels that way."

"She's good looking, I'll give her that," Sig answered, trying desperately to beat around the bush.

Captain Harris laughed. "Good looking? Understatement of the year. If Jake's balls wouldn't have dropped and he didn't ask her out, I would have had Josh ask her out. She's smart, doesn't take no for an answer and would give me beautiful grandkids."

Sig's insides churned. Half of him didn't want to hear them talk about Ava, and the other half wanted to tell them all of the amazing things she does with her mouth, how beautiful she is when she moans his name.

"Fine," he agreed. "She's hot. I'll agree."

Edgar couldn't let it go. "You think our agent his hot? And you spend countless hours a week with her planning events, going over details and she has a key to your house and full access to your office?"

"Tara doesn't know," he offered.

Andy's eyes narrowed. "Tara doesn't know what?"

Sig sighed. "Tara knows that Ava is our agent, but she doesn't know that Ava has access to basically all of the company's financial information. She couldn't care less about the business. Just as long as she gets her house by the lake, that's all she cares about."

Ava sashayed over to the booth to set her clutch down. "And what are you fine gentlemen talking about?" she asked with a smile.

Little did she know that her words came out a bit slurred.

"Have another drink, Ava!" laughed Edgar.

And right on cue, Jake Anderson broke through the huge crowd and spotted Ava. He had a bottle of water in one hand, a bright blue drink in the other. He passed the latter to Ava.

"Having fun?" Jake asked, kissing her on the cheek.

She smiled at him and nodded.

Phil saw Sig's jaw clench down and his fist grip his glass of beer.

Jake's arm snaked around her waist. "You want to get out of here?"

Ava nodded again. "Sure."

The pair left after Ava waved goodbye. Before they left, she pointed at Sig. "See you tomorrow around three? My place? I have all of the paperwork for next year's Catch Con ready to be signed."

"Sounds good," Sig blurted out. "See you."

After they were out of sight, Phil leaned in to whisper, "You could have been a little less obvious about this. He stared at her ass the entire time she was walking away, I thought you were going to pummel Jake for kissing and touching her and you looked like you wanted to kick us all out of this booth and throw her down on the table. I've seen that look before from guys. You need to tell me, right now, what the fuck is going on."

Sig was never so thankful for loud music.

He whispered back, "Call me tomorrow night. After six, or whenever you're done with dinner or whatever."

/\\\\\\\\/\\\\\\\\

Her dress back in her bedroom, Ava was sitting Indian-style on her huge bed waiting for Sig to arrive. She had all of the papers ready to be signed. She was also wearing next to nothing in hopes Sig would sign the papers as quickly as possible and drive Jake's fantasies about their wedding out of her mind for a few hours.

She smiled when she heard her door open and Sig walking down the hall towards her.

He leaned into the doorframe. "That's not very business appropriate attire."

Ava laughed at him, rolling her eyes. "I didn't think we had a very appropriate business relationship, Captain."

Sig glanced over to her closet. "Your dress?"

Ava nodded. "Yeah. It just came in about a week ago. It's a Lazaro."

"No clue what that means. It looks simple," he noted.

Of course to a man the dress would look simple. Only a woman would understand how beautiful, intricate and delicate her wedding dress was.

An hour later, Ava's business ensemble lay on in a heap on the floor next to her bed. Her head was resting on Sig's chest.

Sig had every intention to tell his closest friend and, really, one of his only confidants about his affair with Ava. Phil would take it to his grave, of that Sig was certain. He wanted to test the waters with Ava.

"Phil knows," he whispered to himself more than her.

He felt her arm tighten around him. "What?"

"Apparently I was staring at you a little too seductively last night? I don't know. Phil picked up on it," he told her.

Ava took a deep breath in. It had been over two years since they started their relationship. For two years, only the two of them knew about it. They'd succeeded in creating a perfect cover-up. Ava trusted Sig with her life so she wasn't too worried about Phil knowing. If Phil let it slip to his sons, though...

"If you trust Phil, I trust Phil. If Josh or Jake find out..." Ava trailed off.

She pulled herself up higher to rest her head on a pillow. Sig's hand stroked her shoulder gently.

"I do trust him. We've been through hell and back, Phil and I. You're not upset?"

Ava shook her head. "No, not at all. I just don't want him to think badly of me. You know?"

"I'll never say a thing bad about you, you know that."

Ava kissed him deeply. She didn't want to answer.

/\\\\\\\\/\\\\\\\\

"Okay," Phil said with the puff of a cigarette. "How long?"

Sig cringed. "Two years."

"Two years!" Phil shouted.

"Is there an echo?"

Phil shook his head. He was quiet for a long while. His own light blue eyes scanned the harbor. The two captains were sitting in the chilly wheelhouse of the Northwestern.

He asked only one question. "Is she worth it?"

Sig laughed. "Not once in over a decade of marriage has Tara said, done and looked at me the way Ava has and still does. Tara wants what's in my bank account. Ava wants what's right here," he said, hands motioning up and down on his body. "She doesn't care about the money or the fame. For one reason or another her and I just work."

Phil countered: "But she's not worth it."

"Didn't you hear a thing I just said, old man?" Sig quipped. He lit up his own cigarette, the smoke filling his lungs and calming his nerves. Dark clouds were quickly moving in. Another early winter day in the Pacific Northwest.

"If she was worth it," Phil explained slowly, "you would divorce Tara. You wouldn't put her through all of this shit. She's obviously in love with you and yet is promising Jake, one of your deckhands who looks up to you like a father, to spend her life with him. Have you ever put yourself in her shoes?"

"Every goddamn day," Sig deadpanned.

"Divorces happen. Hell, look at me. I married the love of my life, she left me, I married again and she left me. Meanwhile I'd still give up my own life for my first life. She gave me Josh and Jacob. I'll never stop loving her for that."

Sig didn't answer.

"And I don't think you'll ever stop loving Ava if she really makes you feel the way you tell me."

Sig shrugged his shoulders and ran a hand through his hair. "I just want her to be taken care of. I pay her damn well but I can't marry her. Jake treats her like the princess she is. Bam!" he shouted, his Norwegian accept slipping to the surface. "She's taken care of."

Leaning back on Ava's chair, Phil took another drag of his cigarette. "What the hell are you gonna do at her wedding?"

Sig's fist slammed on the control panel in front of him. "Who's side are you on?"

Phil laughed. "This isn't about sides, Sig. It's about hearts and feelings. Female bullshit that somehow weaved its way into your life."

Heavy silence hung in the air between the two hard-weathered men.

"Look," Phil said, standing up, "bottom line is this: She's getting married to the kid you've claimed is the future of your company. She's going to put on a brave face that entire day and start a life with him. And you're going to have to sit back and watch. Do you think she'll sleep with you when she's married? Do you think things will be exactly the same once those vows are said and that band is on her finger? Think long and hard about that one, Sig, before you let her go down that aisle. If she's worth it, you'd think twice about the way you want to spend your life."

"You're not going to tell anyone?" Sig called after him.

"Hell no. Take this one to my grave, I swear it. You're one of my best friends and I consider Ava one of us. I'm not going to throw anyone under the bus. Next time we're out though," he said before he closed the door up to the wheelhouse, "try not to look at her like you want to ravage her."

/\\\\\\\\/\\\\\\\\

Christmas was a quiet event. Rebecca was home from the hospital. Ava spent all of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at Jake's parents' home. Her and his mother, Julie, cooked up a huge Christmas dinner with all the trimmings. Jake swore he was going to ask Sig to bring her along on the ship as the boat's cook. Ava told him she'd do no such thing because she got motion sickness. Their entire dining room was lit with tall, thick candles and decorated in hues of deep red and shiny gold. Rebecca said it looked like a Christmas card and Ava told Julie that she wouldn't have settled for anything less. Jake's other sisters all helped Ava decorate and cook. For once, Ava felt like she had a family.

They exchanged gifts throughout the day. Ava sat with Rebecca and brushed her hair, giggled and gossiping like they were both back in high school. Ava felt at home. Her own parents really didn't want anything to do with her. She thought it was a miracle that they agreed to come to her wedding so her father could walk her down the aisle.

That evening, Ava cuddled up next to Jake who kissed her hair. "Dad talked to me about Becs a few days ago."

Ava couldn't answer. She hated these conversations.

"If there was some way I could stay home this Opie season, I would. The doctors say-"

"Jake," Ava started, "when are you going to stop hanging on every word the doctors tell you? Miracles happen all the time. I love Rebecca like a sister and I don't want to hear any more 'suggestions' about her life."

"Rebecca told me everything you two talk about. I always considered her my best friend. The funny thing is, she told me that you're her best friend. I love you so much, Ava."

His words were like a knife through her heart. He kept going.

"Having you here the past two days makes me so happy to start our life together. I can't wait to have our own house and have the family over for Christmas dinner. We'll make it our own. We'll do whatever you want. I'll give you whatever you want. You're so loving and so caring and sometimes I think I don't deserve you," he confessed.

'Oh Jake,' she thought sadly. 'It's me who doesn't deserve you...'

"And I get to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you. Merry Christmas, Ava."

Her grip on him tightened. Now was not the time for her words. "Merry Christmas, Jake. I love you, too."

/\\\\\\\\/\\\\\\\\

Ava stood with her arm around Rebecca, keeping the heavy quilt securely around her frail shoulders.

"Sig will keep them all safe," Ava whispered to her. "And Jake will be back before you know it."

Before Ava kissed Jake goodbye, she promised him she'd visit Rebecca as much as possible.

"She looks worse than when I came home a month ago. I see her changing every day," he choked out.

"Shh," Ava said with a kiss. "Everything will be okay. Think about your work. I'll see you soon. I love you."

Little did Ava know that she would personally have to deliver the worst news of her life to the man she was having an affair with.

"Hello, Sig?" she said, her voice cracking over the satellite phone. "It's Ava."

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Sig asked alarmed. He could tell she'd been crying.

"It's Rebecca, Sig."

She didn't even have to continue on. Sig ran a hand through his hair, pulling it up and out at crazy angles. "Oh boy..." he breathed out.

Ava could sense Sig's distress. "Julie wanted me to tell Jake. She passed away a few hours ago. Before I tell him, though -"

Her voice cut off and Sig cursed. He quickly dialed her cell phone number and it range three times before she picked up.

She was crying heavily. "Sig," she began, "I can't do this to him. He just lost his sister and best friend. I'm not going to hurt him. This is done. I need to talk to Jake. And you need to leave him alone in the wheelhouse."

Over the past two years, Sig knew when Ava was joking and when she was serious. And when she was serious, there was no changing her mind. The wind was knocked out of Sig and he took deep breaths of air, trying to calm down. Phil was right all along. Sig knew that he had over two years to make their relationship right. And now, now according to Ava, it was done.

He felt his heart crack and ice over. He wanted to destroy everything in sight. He hurt all over, and worse - he couldn't show it to anyone. Instead he'd have to console his young deckhand. Jake was about to receive the worst phone call any sailor could get at sea.

"Hang on, Ava," he tried to say calmly. "I'll go get him."

On the other line, Ava broke down again. For an hour she'd gone over what she was going to tell Sig in her head. Jake deserved better, and she was determined to give him better. But deep down inside, she wanted Sig to battle her words, to fight for her. And here he folded in on himself and agreed to let her go. Not one word of argument, nothing. For two years she gave herself willingly to him, he knew everything about her past, her dreams for the future. Apparently it meant nothing to him. Her heart broke for her sweet Jake, and the two halves shattered when Sig Hansen let her walk out of his life.

Ava had to get it together and quickly.

"Hey, Ava. How are you?"

Fresh tears poured out and she sobbed to him. "Hello, Jake..."

I wanted freedom, bound and restricted  
I tried to give you up, but I'm addicted  
Now that you know I'm trapped  
Sense of elation  
You'd never dream of breaking this fixation  
You will squeeze the life out of me  
Bury it, I won't let you bury it  
I won't let you smother it  
I won't let you murder it  
Our time is running out, our time is running out  
You can't push it underground  
You can't stop it screaming out  
How did it come to this?  
"Time is Running Out" - Muse


	22. Chapter 21: Just Trying To Kill The Pain

A/N: Get the tissues ready. Hardest chapter to write emotionally coming up! As always, thanks for all of your positive reviews. They mean the world to me. And so do all of the hits - so for everyone who reads my story and doesn't review - thank you, too!

Chapter 21: Just Trying To Kill The Pain

Ninety-six hours was all it took for Jake to be back home in Seattle from the vast Bering Sea. Before Sig even told Jake that Ava was on the phone, he turned his boat around to meet up with another fishing vessel that would carry Jake to port in order for him to catch a plane to head home. Sig knew he needed to be with his family. And he knew, in his heart of hearts, that he needed Ava.

Sig spent the remainder of the night in his stateroom, completely alone. He made it a point of telling his crew that he didn't want to be bothered until the next morning. Truth be told, there was no way he would just let Ava leave him like she did. He knew she was upset and wanted to be there for Jake, but there was no way she could just cut all ties to their relationship over a satellite phone at 3 o'clock in the morning. There was just no way. She was devastated by the loss of Jake's sister. In a few months, she'd realize that she couldn't live without him.

Sig understood that he had to make her see this. If people thought that Norwegians were thick-headed, they never met an Irish-woman. He smiled to himself, thinking of all the times Ava would put her foot down and make demands of Sig. All she had to do was raise her voice and he would immediately cave in.

Having a phone call like Jake had was hard on the entire crew, and the Captain's heart broke for his young deckhand. To make matters works, that hole grew even more when the demon thoughts of Ava never being with him again trickled into his mind.

Like his Captain, Jake spent the rest of the night in his tiny bunk, trying with all his might to keep the tears at bay. Crying in front of the guys was just not an option. He'd seen Nick's eyes tear up, but Jake was determined to not cry. Perhaps the hardest part would be seeing his parents at the airport. Rebecca loved to take trips to Sea-Tac, and this time she wouldn't be there. His thoughts turned to Ava - his one shining light in this disaster. He prayed that she would be there to pick him up. Ava had told him about losing both of her grandparents in such a short span of time that he was sure she could make this pain go away.

After hanging up with Jake, Ava screamed at the top of her lungs. She didn't care who heard her, she just had to get her heartbreak and frustration out. Two and a half years of secrecy, and Sig allowed her to just walk out of his life. Everything he told her at Disney World was bullshit, just another ploy to get her to stay with him because he knew Jake was going to propose to her. How could she be so blind? Of course he was using her - there was no other explanation! Get the girl to sleep with him, manage his company and push her towards his greenhorn. What a fabulous idea. The sick part of this situation was that Ava allowed it to happen.

Through her tears, the red lights of her alarm clock blared at her - 4:27 in the morning. She remembered a time, two years ago, that when she would wake up and couldn't fall back to sleep she'd just call Sig and meet him on the boat. Those days were long gone. All she had to look forward to now was an hour here and there. Secret smiles at each other at meetings. Sitting next to each other at dinners.

'This is what I signed up for,' Ava scolded herself. 'He told you all along that he would never leave his wife. This is what had to be done.'

Whenever her thoughts were stuck on Sig, seeing Jake would clear that all up. And so the next morning she convinced Jake's mother to allow her to pick Jake up from the airport.

Julie tearfully agreed to let Ava pick Jake up from the airport. Sea-Tac, always a busy airport, seemed eerily quiet that late afternoon in February. She checked her reflection in the rear-view mirror and rolled her eyes. She stopped wearing mascara, eyeliner - basically, anything that would streak with her constant battle with sad tears. She also stopped the battle of holding back tears. Crying was like breathing these days, it just came naturally.

She cried over Rebecca, over Jake and his family, and mostly over Sig who hadn't reached out to her since that fateful night.

Ava's heart broke again when she saw her fiancee step out of the hallway and into the terminal. She dashed to him, throwing shaking arms around him and pulling his head to the crook of her neck, telling him without words how sorry she was and that she was there for him.

"Not here," he whispered.

Ava nodded and together, the pair made their way through the maze of the airport and back out into the cold air. Jake kept his head down, trying to blend into the crowd. He didn't want anyone to spot him and come up to ask for pictures or autographs. Not now.

Once in the safety of Ava's car, Jake put his head in his hands and began to sob.

"My best friend," he kept repeating through his tears, sobs wracking his shoulders.

Ava rested her head on the steering wheel of her shiny red BMW, cursing at herself. Half of the time she cried over Rebecca and the other half over his Captain. She felt disgusted with herself. Ava tried to convince Jake: "She's all better, now, Jake. She's running and laughing and not worrying about when she'll be back in the hospital. Rebecca is happy."

And just this once she prayed there was no heaven and that Rebecca couldn't watch over them. She was sure if she saw what was going on, or went on, between her and Sig that she'd damn her soul to hell. Hers and Sig's.

Jake looked up at her, tears still pouring down his face. It was as if he didn't cry in the past four days. Knowing Jake, he probably tried to keep it all bottled up until he got home.

"I wasn't there for her. I let her down, and I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life."

Ava didn't - couldn't - say anything else to her poor, broken Jake.

This was going to be harder than she imagined.

Rebecca Dawn Anderson's funeral was strictly for family and close friends. Ava held Jake's the entire time, rubbing his back when she felt him stiffen over words said by family during the ceremony. She was dressed in all black, save for a single strand of dark red pearls around her throat - Rebecca's favorite.

She leaned over and whispered to him, "Let's have our wedding colors be dark red and ivory, for Rebecca. Her favorite."

He nodded only once and smiled slightly. "She may have been my best friend, but you were her best friend, Ava. I've never seen her open up so easily to anyone before."

Ava's eyes scanned the tiny church and her eyes stopped on Jake's father, Charlie. He barely said a dozen words over the past week. In fact, he looked stoic, very still. Emotion barely showed on his face while his wife was just as destroyed as Jake was.

It wasn't until later that night that Julie pulled Ava aside in tears.

"Charlie's back on that medication, again. I don't know why doctors prescribe it," she croaked through her tears.

Ava cocked her head to the side. "What medication?" An anti-depressant perhaps? There was no harm in that. No parent wants to say goodbye to and bury their child. To be taking medication for the loss of a child wasn't something to hold against a father.

"Oxy-" and she was cut off by Jake opening the front door. Julie shook her head quickly, telling Ava to drop the conversation at once.

"You ready to go?" he asked. Jake's shoulders were slumped and he looked pale. And about five years older than he did when she said goodbye to him at the docks.

She nodded and took his hand. "Let's go home, sweetheart."

Ava's head was swirling with thoughts. Jake's dad on a dangerous prescription drug, Rebecca gone, Jake slipping into depression himself and Sig-

'NO!' she screamed in her head. 'Not him.'

"If I didn't have you, Ava, I'd be alone with a bottle of Jack and right back to where I was before Sig offered me a full share spot. He said my spot is going to be open for me next year and they're not going to replace me for the rest of the season."

Of course Sig would do that. "I'm happy for you," she deadpanned.

Jake put his head down and was silent for the rest of the drive home. Ava effortlessly pulled into her parking spot in the parking garage and ran her hands through her hair.

"It's five months before the wedding. We really have to pay off the vendors now and finalize our orders. I know that you're really not in the mood for any of that right now, so just let me know when you want to start finalizing everything, okay?"

She opened the door and walked in front of Jake, trying not to let her feelings take over her again. In a week's time the flame in her heart for Sig Hansen was dying and after she found out that Jake was planning to keep him on his deck and to not replace him - thus giving him a full paycheck for three-quarters of a season - that flame flickered again.

And for the first time in years, she wasn't at the dock when the Northwestern came safely back home. In fact, she didn't even call her boss for the budget for this summer's off-season media events. Catch-Con was a given, but nothing for Orlando, meet-and-greets along the East Coast, nothing.

Leah, Edgar's wife, invited her to lunch one sunny afternoon. She'd asked Ava where she'd been hiding for the past month over their seafood salad.

Motioning for the waiter to bring them their check, Ava shrugged. "I've been spending time with Jake, and he really isn't in the mood to be scene, if you know what I mean. He's devastated."

Leah nodded in understanding. "Tara tells me that Sig's been really strange ever since he came home."

Ava's heart hammered in her chest. All it would take is one slip up for lives to come tumbling down. "Oh yeah?" she said tightly, pretending to dig into her handbag.

"Yeah. He sleeps in his den. He's always at the docks. And," she bent her head closer to Ava's, "he hasn't even slept with her since he got home."

Her fists clenched. Sig always told her that Ava would be his first when he came back into town. That's the way it's been for five seasons, now - three Opie seasons and two King seasons. He was clearly trying to send a message.

But for once, she was going to make Sig wait. She wouldn't bend to his will. She wasn't going to call him, citing some random, bullshit excuse to meet only to have him screw her brains out. Not this time. If he was so "lost" he should have called her.

'But, you idiot,' she thought, driving back home, 'you're the one who told him it was over.'

Three weeks later, and still no call from Sig, Jake and Ava were at Starbuck's with folders spread over a small table and their coats draped on the back of the wooden chairs.

"So, we're going to go with the ivory table linens and slip covers and the wine colored napkins and sashes, is that okay?" she asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

Jake nodded and smiled. It was two months since his sister had passed away. About ten days earlier he had come to her and demanded they start working on their wedding plans. It wasn't the only thing he demanded. Ava almost forgot his touch on her skin and how those shining, bright blue eyes burned into her every time he was inside of her. It was like falling in love all over again. After one particularly rough go, Ava smiled and chuckled. When Jake asked her what was so funny, Ava kissed him, wiped the sweat off his brow and said, "I guess we'll have a second honeymoon every single time you come back from fishing?" Jake laughed, kissed her again and responded with "Pretty much so!"

"Yeah," he agreed. "I just don't know how little candles and those Christmassy twinkle lights will be enough light for the reception site. It's going to be dark by the time the reception starts."

"We're going to have dozens and dozens of lanterns hanging from the tree branches overhead, too. We're going for vintage romance, remember?"

"Ah," he said, eyes sparkling. Ava's breath got caught in her throat like it always did when he smiled at her. "How could I forget?"

Ava checked off table linens from her list. "Menu: You're good with the chicken, beef and lobster options? What sides do you want to do for sure?"

Jake sipped his coffee and responded, "Veggies, I guess. And please, can we do a Caesar salad?"

She laughed. "Of course, anything for-" her cell phone went off. Glancing down at her phone, she breathed out "Sig... I have to take this, Jake, I'm sorry."

Getting up, her heels clicked on the wood floor of the tiny coffee shop and she pushed open the heavy glass doors.

"This is Ava," she answered.

"This is Sig," he shot back.

So he would be angry at her. She figured that much. She couldn't blame him, she all but cut him out of her life when Rebecca passed away and didn't allow one argument.

"I have our budget for the summer. Are you going to watch the episodes of the show or are you just going to totally ignore your boss now?"

Of course her behavior warranted him being upset, but this anger?

"Why are you being so mean to me?" Ava questioned.

Part of her wanted him to fight for her. He was so demanding in the beginning of their relationship and now he was just giving it up. It made her feel used and dirty that he didn't try to chase after her.

"You just cut me out of your life all together, didn't even let me try to apologize, try to fight for you. You never called. And you weren't there when we came back. Hell, I didn't even know if you were still in Seattle until I saw Jake a few days ago," Sig spit out.

"Sig," she said, her lip trembling, "I needed to be there for Jake. I can't just be with you on the side. If he found out, it would crush him."

"So just leave me, then. Why are you pulling me in and pushing me away? Make up your damn mind, woman. Either way, I'm still your boss and I'm going to try my best to be your friend."

Sig was true to his word. Their meetings were strictly professional. He still looked at her like he wanted to tear her clothes off and Ava had to stop herself from licking her lips when he did. If anyone were present, they wouldn't even argue the pent up tension between Sig and Ava. When the group was together, Ava and Sig were usually at different ends of the table, different sides of the room, always engaged in different conversations. But their eyes always found each other.

By mid-Spring, Ava was sure she was going to slip up again. Sig was getting more and more brave. One night when out to dinner with all of the Hansen brothers, the Hillstrands, the Harris' and Jake, they somehow managed to sit next to each other. Naturally, because it was warm outside, Ava wore a skirt. And half way through dinner and two glasses of wine, she flet Sig's rough hand on her thigh. She mashed her teeth together and turned the top half of her body to Jake.

"Two months today!" she exclaimed.

"That's right," Josh said with a nod. "I'm working on my speech. Promise it'll be one to remember."

Jake blushed and looked down. "I wish it was tomorrow."

Ava felt Sig's hand inch up ever so slightly. "Me too," she nodded. Her eyes narrowed at Sig and as she turned her head, she caught Phil's eyes.

"How are you feeling, Phil?" she asked.

"Just being careful these days," the Captain replied. "Is your boss going to let you take off for your honeymoon? I'm not sure if he can operate without you!"

Those words pushed heavily on her brain. Phil knew, she was already aware of that. It was just an honest question, but to her and the man next to her, it meant a world of difference. If Leah knew of Sig's strange behavior, that Phil knew, too. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Where are you guys going?" Andy asked, downing the rest of his beer.

"I used some of my trust fund money from my grandparents and splurged on Bora Bora and Moorea. Ten nights, five on each island. Overwater bungalows, and all," she smiled at Jake who blushed even more.

Jake Harris cracked up. "He's blushing like he's the virgin over here!"

Phil smacked his youngest son on the head. "Will you stop being so vulgar? We're out in public, with a lady."

Sig snorted. "I'm sure this lady is used to all things vulgar. Right Ava?"

"Well, I have learned a lot over the past three years. But I'm sure I've taught you a thing or two along the way, too, Captain. I'm not all that innocent."

"Okay, Britney Spears," Josh laughed.

As the weeks slipped by, it only became more and more difficult to not want to tear Sig's clothes off. One evening, she had to drive over to his house. She found only his truck in the driveway. Tara must have taken the girls out to dinner.

Ava let herself in and she was immediately pushed up against the door.

"I've never had such a strong muscle in my arm before, Ava. You've been giving my poor arm a workout over the past few weeks. When are you going to let me fuck you?"

She pushed at his chest and tried to get distance between them.

"Don't deny it," he whispered in her ear.

"I've got nothing to deny. I don't want to sleep with you. I need to be faithful to my fiancee. I love him, and I love only him."

"Bullshit," Sig challenged. He pushed his lower body into hers. "Don't you feel what you do to me?"

She had to bite down on her tongue to keep from moaning. "Sig, please stop."

His mouth trailed down her neck and his had gripped her hip. "No."

And it would be just so easy to allow him to continue. She knew that she would love everything he did to her.

Now that her eyes were fully adjusted to the dark house, she couldn't help but let out a moan. His eyes were the darkest shade of blue and slightly glazed over - lust. For her.

"Come upstairs, Ava."

Going upstairs would only lead to one thing.

'Think of Jake, think of Jake, think of Jake,' she chanted.

"Sign the papers first," she offered.

Grabbing her wrist, he drug her into the kitchen. By the light of the moon reflecting off the lake, he scribbled his signature on the lines she had highlighted. Once he set the pen down, he pulled her mouth to his. Her legs became rubber and she pushed at him again.

"Sig," she breathed heavily, "I said no. I have to go. I'm meeting Jake for dinner."

Ava turned around, blonde hair flying about and dashed to the front door. She ignored the sounds of pots and pans clanging to the ground and glass shattering against the tile floor.

Spring gave way to a summer of clear blue skies and comfortable temperatures. Ava distracted herself every day with making new plans with Jake, spending time with his family, even spending time with Phil. Over the past week, she's taken an interest in his bird houses. They were more like mansions, really. One lucky feathered friend was going to hit the jackpot with his dwelling - fireplace, rocking chair, huge picture window.

"Why can't life be easy like a birds?" Ava slurred to Phil. One too many duck farts on her part, thanks in large part to the Captain.

"If we were all birds," Phil said, pouring another shot, "life wouldn't be easy. We'd all be fighting over the same worm."

Ava chuckled. "Not so different from now, wouldn't you say?"

Phil looked at her and crossed her arms. "Sig loves you. Don't ever think he was using you. Tara has treated that man like dirt on her shoe. The money he brought home, it was never enough. Why do you think he's constantly fishing and trying to capitalize off the show?"

Ava was silent. Phil kept going.

"You're marrying Jake in a week. Sig is destroyed. You told him that you would never leave him after he promised that he would always want you. And you broke that promise. When it comes down to it, Ava, he'd walk through hell and back for you."

Tears sprang to her eyes and she sniffled. "Then why wouldn't he divorce Tara for me?"

"He loves his step-kids. Treats them like his own. Their real father ran off on them. He doesn't want the same thing to happen to them again. So he spoils them. If he could get the kids out of the deal, he'd leave her. But, he's only their step-father."

"But- but, I thought they were his real children."

"Tara isn't what ties them to the marriage, Ava. Those girls do. He never had the chance to have kids of his own. Never a boy to take fishing, not a girl to spoil. So he treats them like their his own. All of his old girlfriends in the past, when we were in our twenties, couldn't handle the stress of him being away. Tara doesn't care because she sits in the lap of luxury and now gets a famous husband out of the deal. Sig just wants a good life for the kids."

Her buzz wore off. The realization that Sig really cared all along hit her harder than bricks. She couldn't breathe. Phil had no reason to lie to her, Ava understood that. So she believed him whole-heartedly.

That night, she dreamed of a family not with Jake - but with Sig. Little blonde haired, navy-eyed children running around the backyard. A boy with a fishing pole in hand, a girl begging to be held. She bolted up in bed with tears streaming down her face and nobody next to her.

She was going to ruin three lives in the span of a twenty-minute ceremony in just five days' time.

We've been through this for such a long, long time  
Just trying to kill the pain, oh yeah  
But lovers always come and lovers always go  
And no one's really sure who's letting go today, walking away  
If you take the time to lay it on the line  
I could rest my head just knowing that you were mine, all mine  
So if you wanna love me, then darlin' don't refrain  
Or I'll just end up walking in the cold November Rain  
And when your fears subside and shadows still remain  
I know that you can love me when there's no one left to blame  
So never mind the darkness, we still can find the way  
Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain

"November Rain" - Guns 'n Roses


	23. Chapter 22: The Chemicals Between Us

A/N: I'm sure you've all heard by now - Captain Sig and the Hillstrands have "quit" Deadliest Catch. I don't even know what to make of this. I'm shocked and really very sad. I think it was foolish for the Discovery Channel to even sue the Hillstrands in the first place for a ridiculous amount - some $3 million. That's just insane. I do commend Sig for standing by his fellow captains of his trade. He could have very easily left it up to the Hillstrands to leave and remained on the show, especially since Sig does a lot of work behind the scenes. I do not think that Deadliest Catch will continue without the Northwestern or Time Bandit. And that's all I care to say about that. On with the next chapter! Can you believe the next chapter will be overlap from the wedding? Getting closer and closer to the end. As always, read and review if you could be so kind! PS - Not the longest chapter, but lots of Sig/Ava dialogue.

CHAPTER 22: The Chemicals Between Us

Sig Hansen's fist came crashing down on the heavy marble counter top in his kitchen. "God damnit, Tara, I am going out with Jake tonight! It's the kid's bachelor party. He's been though enough shit the past few months and he needs all the support he can get."

Tara wasn't having any of it. "Why are you always out? You're always away. And you don't even sleep next to me anymore."

Sig laughed. "Like it even matters to you. My paycheck is the only thing that matters."

"The girls matter," she challenged, rising to her feet. "It was bad enough when you were gone ten months out of the year, now all of the publicity with the show and Ava always around-"

He couldn't take anymore. "Ava is marrying Jake, so I'm sure she's going to around for a very long time. That's just something you'll have to get over. Go take the girls out shopping for new dresses or whatever for the wedding. I'm going out."

Before his wife could even say another word, Sig stormed out of the front door, immediately lighting up a cigarette and taking a deep breath in. His cigarette was gone in three drags and so, he lit up again.

It was a bright, clear blue sky for the second day in July. Hours remained before Ava would marry Jake. He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about it. Without even thinking, his hands reached for his phone.

"What's up, Sig?" Edgar answered. Sig could hear hollering and loud music in the background - they were already out at the bar.

"Yeah, man, I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. Tara wants alone time and I've been sort of an ass to her lately. Tell Jakers I'll see him on the big day."

And for the second time that day, Sig ended a conversation before any arguments could ensue. It wasn't even like he was driving to see Ava, he was just on auto pilot. Enough was enough. He had to fight.

Ava was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Heavy rock music drifted through her iHome player. She just wanted to sleep the next day and a half away. It wasn't worth it. Her parents flew in and met Jake. Her father said all of five words to him, "It's nice to meet you" while her mother just stared at him. Ava felt completely guilty. Jake's family immediately welcomed her. She knew her parents would be the exact opposite. She had them staying at a hotel on the water in downtown Seattle, the opposite side of where her apartment was. It was no wonder she didn't make any attempt to fly back to Florida to see them.

Phil's words still hung heavy on her heart. After everything she went through with Sig, he was still going to let her marry Jake. And she was going to start the rest of her life trapped in a lie. Every fiber of her being screamed to confess to everyone, that she was taking it too far. But Jake would be crushed, and she couldn't hurt him. Not after losing his sister, not when his father was addicted to pain medication and not when he himself was a borderline alcoholic. She's stand by him.

Because she was so lost in thought, she almost screamed aloud when she heard her front door open. She knew only two other people to have that key - Jake, who was currently out with his crew and fellow fishermen, and -

"You win," he whispered, slouching against the door frame.

Her eyes closed and filled with tears. "What are you doing here, Sig?"

He took a tentative step towards her king size bed. "Tara thinks I'm with the guys, the guys think I'm with Tara."

Ava let her hands trail up her stomach, over her breasts and land on her face. There was nothing to say.

"C'mon, Ava, you gotta say something to me."

Of course it was always her who had to do the talking. Why were men always like this? Women could confess their hearts and souls but men were just not like that. Sig Hansen was a classic example. Furthermore, where should she being? The fact that his children were step-daughters? Or Sig's stupid move tonight that wasn't even an excuse? It could bring them both down. Dozens of questions flew through her mind.

"I have a lot to say to you!" she shouted. Ava was sick of this, completely fed up. She wasn't going to let him out-talk her. "First of all, you idiot, all Tara has to do is call Edgar, or vice versa, and the cover is blown."

Now Sig took a few more steps towards the bed. Ava sat up, her blonde hair tumbling over her shaking shoulders. She cursed herself for keeping her recessed lighting on so low. Dim light always caught the deep blues of Sig's eyes.

Sig sighed. "I'm pretty fucking sick of the 'cover,' Ava," he began. "If they found out-"

"If they found out," Ava interrupted, her voice getting louder, "then we are both screwed. Your company, boat, life, everything!"

"Did it ever occur to you that sometimes I wish they'd find out?"

All of the wind was knocked out of her. No way could he just let her hanging like that. She motioned for him to go on.

"I can't confess this to Tara. But if she would find out, maybe it would be better. She'd find out the truth and take the girls. That way I wouldn't have to confront them on my own."

Ava nodded. "Taking the chicken way out?"

Naturally that would only anger the stubborn Norwegian. "You're taking the chicken way out by marrying Junior in thirty-six hours."

"Yes, but I'm still not cheating on my spouse," she shot back, crossing her arms.

In an instant, Sig was on the bed, crushing his lips on hers. He drug his lips from her mouth, over her cheek to her ear and gripped her shoulders. "You really think that you'll never sleep with me again? Or never kiss me, at least? I can't stay away from you. And you can't stay away from me. You would have asked for the key back. And you would have kneed me in the crotch by now."

He continued kissing her and she threw herself at him. Conscience be damned, this is what she wanted. When it came right down to it, she did love Jake. But that was nothing to what she felt for Sig. Sig was her air and sky. Jake just grounded her. She could fly with Sig. Sig kissed her like a starving man. She thought absently for a moment if he had slept with Tara since he got back.

'Tara...' she pushed him away.

"The girls aren't your biological daughters," Ava gasped for air. "Phil told me... Phil told me that you stay with Tara for the girls since their real father left them years ago."

Sig took a deep breath and sat back on her bed. He couldn't help the smile that played on his lips when he saw how red Ava's lips were from his kiss.

"Leave it to old Phil to twist the truth."

"Explain."

He took another breath. "The girls' real father did leave them, yes. Tara and I met through my family. She's Norwegian, too, and from a fishing family. So she understands the lifestyle. She didn't marry a fishermen and he couldn't provide for them even when they were together. So he left, fled the country, and they had nothing. I didn't marry her out of pity. I suppose I did love her way back when, but the girls needed someone. I wanted to give to them what my father never gave me - an education and a chance to do something more than fish or marry a fisherman."

Was that so bad? No, it really wasn't. Sig may be in the middle of an affair with his wife, but he still cared. There was proof every day when he showered his daughters with love and kindness.

"I guess you could say that I stay for the girls. But they're going to be 16 and 18 in a few months. One legally free to leave, the other hot on her heals. College, careers, and their own lives. My work there is almost done."

Something in that last sentence threw her for a loop. "Tara knows... She knows how you feel? She already knows you'd leave after the girls are out of the house and legal adults."

Sig smiled at her. "There's my Ivy-leaguer."

They had a shot of being together?

"So why push me to marry Jake?" her voice cracked. Not the tears again, anything but them.

Sig's answer was simple. "The show. We're famous now. If people see me out with you, it'll only be negative press."

Ava threw her arms up in the air. "Who cares! Look what they say about Lindsay Lohan, Sig! She still gets up and does her own thing regardless of who cares."

His eyes became hard and his voice serious. "I will not have paparazzi saying anything negative about you. About me, I can take it. I have broad shoulders. But I'll be damned if they defame you."

Silence stretched between them. Finally, Ava spoke. "How long have you felt this way?"

He answered immediately. "Since the first time I slept with you. I knew that once would never be enough. I'd never get enough of you. I made a decision to always keep you at arm's length away in public. I'm not going to ever let you get hurt."

"But that's not what I wanted! I just want you. I just want to BE with YOU! Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"Look, Ava," he said taking her into his arms. "I want to be with you, too. And I am when I can. I'm not going to let Hollywood rumor mills drag your name through the mud. You deserve better, and I can't give you better. So let Jake give you what I can't - a marriage and maybe one day a family of your own."

Her stomach retched. "Don't even say children. I don't care if I never have children." Visions of the dream she had a few nights ago flashed in her mind's eye - those pale skinned, blonde haired and navy blue eyed children and their laughs haunted her for days.

Everything started to click with her - his kids, why he won't leave Tara for her, why he pushed her and Jake together. All in an effort to protect her. The thing was, she didn't want his protection.

"For years," Ava began, "I have gone over why you wouldn't leave Tara for me. What you've told me is the only acceptable reason. And I never even came up with one! But Sig, I can't do this. How am I going to marry him when I'll be picturing you up there and not Jake?"

Trying to hold the tears back was useless. She put her head in her hands and broke down. "I love you, Sig! You showed me another life, you gave me everything I have," her arms flew around her. "You gave me everything I have but yet still refuse me the one thing I NEED. I need you. Nobody will ever be enough."

Sig ran a hand across her back soothing her. "Sometimes we'll just have to learn to love what's in front of us."

Another fact clicked. "When I'm married, you're going to cut this off with me? You're going to learn to love Tara again?"

Sig looked down. No way would he be able to look her in the eyes. When he didn't say something, she cried even harder.

"You can't do this to me!" she shrieked. "You cannot just tell me what you've said tonight, at Disney World, too, and then break up with me!"

"I think I'm a little too old to be breaking up with anyone, Ava," he chuckled darkly.

"Shut the hell up, Sig!" she shouted again, tears still streaming down her face. "You can't leave me."

"I have no choice."

"You did have a choice and you kissed me that night at the Wasteland years ago. You still have a choice now and you're going to crush me! Please," she begged, latching onto his arms, "don't break up with me."

His hands wove through her hair and he brought her lips down on his again. She effortlessly straddled him and deepened the kiss.

"I have to let you go so you can start to live your life. I don't want to, but I won't drag you down a no-way road for the rest of your life. I love you too much to hurt you."

Ava tried to block out his words by kissing his neck and untucking his shirt. He left her hands do their job, and before they knew it, Sig was hovering over her, the heals of her feet digging into his lower back.

It didn't just stop there. After they finished, Ava attached herself to Sig's side and held on tight to him. Much to her surprise, he stayed. He was supposed to be out late at a party, anyway.

When her mind took over again, and she started to cry, Sig reached for her. This time, his touch was gentle and loving. He whispered over and over that he loved her, in both English and Norwegian. It was only then that Ava realized he never really spoke Norwegian in front of her. The language was beautiful.

It was three o'clock in the morning when Ava awoke from yet another nightmare and saw Sig sitting up, staring at her. She gave him a sly smile before climbing on top of him, promising him that he'd never feel like this again.

Sig knew it was the truth.

And finally, with the sun just beginning to rise, Sig kissed Ava one last time before gathering up his clothes. Ava was exhausted yet at peace. Her body hummed and her skin was still flushed. It was the best feeling in the world.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too," she replied before rolling over and letting sleep take over.

Five o'clock was not a decent hour for anyone to be up, so Sig was shocked to say the very least when he found Tara up in the living room.

She leapt to her feet when she heard the door close. He saw a plaid shirt next to her on the couch and a Penn State hat, too. He knew that hat.

"Was the party fun?" she asked.

Sig smiled and bound up the stairs. "Best night of my life."

I want you to remember  
A love so full it could send us all ways  
I want you to surrender  
All my feelings rose today  
And I want you to remain  
The power of children can amaze  
I'll try not to complain  
I know that's a pisser, baby  
The chemicals between us  
The walls that lie between us  
Lying in this bed  
The chemicals displaced  
There is no lonelier state  
Than lying in this bed

Bush - "The Chemicals Between Us"


	24. Chapter 23: The Reception

A/N: Won't lie, I totally breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when I heard the good news of the NW and TB coming back on the show! Thank goodness. I suppose we all need to watch this season as if it was the last one. I really have a feeling that this could be the last season of the show. TWO BIG THINGS! First - I've been getting PM's about Ava's ring, wedding dress, reception, etc. Please check out my profile for links to everything. Second - This chapter is divided into three parts, and each part pretty much fits perfectly to my favorite Rolling Stones song, "Wild Horses." So, I've divided the sections with the lyrics. The three parts are from Sig's point of view, Ava's point of view of Jake and Ava's point of view of Sig. The song lyrics aren't in order, but the entire song is quoted below. Download it, listen to it as you're reading the chapter. I think it turned out well. Here we go!

Chapter 23: The Reception

It was the day before Ava and Jake's wedding and she spent the day with her mother in a day spa, trying to relieve the stress of the night before.

"So, Jake really isn't home that much?" her mother asked.

How many times would she have to explain this?

"He goes up to Alaska to fish for about 6 or 7 months out of the year. He's not on water the entire time, sometimes he's just in Dutch for boat maintenance. He makes a killer living, though."

Her mother shook her head. It was the last time she brought up Jake.

Much later that night, Ava lay awake in bed yet again. She knew she wouldn't sleep at all tonight. She let her mind wander back three years earlier when she was with Ashley, Peter and all of her other friends at that bar in Seattle. Vaguely she remembered signing karaoke, Sig buying her a drink and her attempt at flirting with him. Very clearly she remembered their first kiss in the corner of the dark hall and how she wrestled with the idea of calling him back. Of course, there was the first time she slept with him, the time he cooked dinner for her on the Northwestern. Ava thought back on finally making the move out to Seattle and meeting Jake for the first time - his hair had been so long and he was so shy. Tears sprang to her eyes when Sig's words rang in her head - be with Jake, it'll be the perfect cover-up.

Her life for three years was a dream, or a nightmare at times. She was supposed to be finishing up with law school. Instead, she was managing a multi-million dollar company and marrying a crab fisherman who just so happened to be a TV star. Deep down inside she knew she could only thank Sig for her independence, but she damned him for tying her to Jake.

When she first started seeing Sig, under no circumstance did she think she'd cry tears over him. Like all things in life, the first impression didn't last long.

But she had to look on the bright side: She was going to marry a wonderful man who loved her and would take care of her through thick and thin. Who cared if part of her heart would burn tomorrow? She would try her best to enjoy her married life after her wedding. But first, she'd try to enjoy her wedding that she would partly feel like her heart's funeral.

_I know I dreamed you, a sin and a lie_  
_I have my freedom but I don't have much time_  
_Faith has been broken, tears must be cried_  
_Let's do some living after we die_  
_Wild horses couldn't drag me away_  
_Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away_

* * *

In all his life, Captain Sig Hansen never saw true beauty until he saw Ava glide down the aisle to be joined forever to Jake Anderson. He'd seen her wedding dress over a dozen times hanging on her closet door in her apartment. Dismissing it for simple and plain, Sig realized it was quite the opposite. The gown's graceful sweetheart neckline plunged just a touch too low, but it was evened out by the delicate yet thick lace straps of the gown. Ava's back was exposed as the dress was cut low. It hugged her narrow waist and accentuated her hips perfectly. Ivory lace cascaded gracefully to the floor and trailed just slightly behind her. Long blonde hair was loosely curled and a crystal headband created the perfect volumiz-ing affect to complete her glamorous wedding day ensemble. Ava's wedding gown was anything but plain: It was created perfectly for her. For shrugging off the wedding for the past six months, she sure picked a winner.

Behind her, the setting sun stained the summer sky deep purple with splashes of red and gold. The background only made Ava glow even more beautifully.

Sig glanced up at Jake. His mouth was slightly open, his eyes wide. He knew just how devastatingly beautiful Ava looked at this moment. Without a doubt, this was the most beautiful she's ever looked. And Sig's anger subsided for just the breiefest of moments while his eyes drank the sight of her in. Sig wondered if Jake knew just how lucky he was. In some other reality, it should have been him at the altar instead of the young fisherman.

Sig knew that he would never see something this beautiful again. He recalled the time when Ava insisted that she wasn't even going to try to make her wedding elaborate. She wanted to keep it simple. Glancing around, her summer evening wedding and summer night reception were made to look understated, but he knew it cost a pretty penny.

Overhead, huge lanterns adorned thick branches of trees. It cast a romantic glow over the crowd. Thousands of candles of every size scattered the ceremony and reception site - a classic garden that overlooked the Olympic range. Dozens of strands of soft twinkle lights were wrapped delicately around the trunks of the trees, the huge gazebo. It was then that Sig realized Ava's gown fit perfectly for her wedding.

She had put in a lot of thought for her wedding. She wanted to get married. And, most importantly, she wanted to get married to Jake.

He wasn't stupid. He'd heard her stutter over the vows, bite her lip and tremble as Jake slipped her diamond wedding band on that slim finger.

The night before, he all but told her he wanted everyone to figure out their affair. He'd never ask her to call off the wedding, but he had hoped that when she heard him say he wanted to get caught that she'd call it off herself. It was awful enough that he hadn't been faithful to his wife in years - he didn't want the same for Ava. His beautiful, sweet and sassy Ava. Sig wanted desperately to give her the life she craved - and deserved. It wasn't in the cards. No matter what he did, they would never be able to be public with their relationship. Families would be torn apart, lawsuits would arise, and in the midst of the chaos, only he and Ava would stand together - but he feared they would collapse. They would always stand alone.

The night before, she screamed at him. They'd argued before over their relationship, but she finally laid it all on the line. It wasn't fair for her to just stay single forever. Perhaps she wanted a husband. And she wanted to stay in Washington. It was home now. In short, Ava wanted the life that Sig wasn't able to give to her. The life that would have consisted of the two of them too involved in their own personal affair where Ava would fall asleep on Sig's chest and wake up cradled in his arms. The life where Sig would make love to her the night before he left for fishing and be relentless to her when he returned. She'd want his rough laugh, deep blue eyes and weathered hands. Ava would want all of him. The smell of cigarettes, the sweetness of chocolate and the mystery of the sea. It just wasn't meant to be.

The night before, Sig stayed until 5 o'clock in the morning. His wife didn't know anything - he just claimed that he was at Jake's bachelor party. After their argument, Sig took her in his arms and kissed her. He didn't want to see her upset. And that meant actually breaking all of this off. Or at least telling her, so that she could be so angry at him that she would look to Jake has her knight in shining fucking armor in all of this mess. At least let her be under the impression that there was nothing but ashes where their love had once stood so that she could enjoy her own wedding.

The fact of the matter was that he couldn't, and wouldn't just give her up.

And so, there they were: Still in the same situation that had started three years earlier.

If it wasn't for the show and for being a public figure, he would think about divorce. But with his fame, there would be no way he could divorce his wife and be seen with Ava. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be for the two lovers. That didn't mean that they wouldn't continue to try.

He would dance with Ava, and pull her just a touch too close to him. And she'd smile at him a bit too widely, her eyes would soften and she'd sigh.

Sig glanced around at the reception sight. He never noticed her signature color: Merlot red.

"What's your something old?" Sig asked.

Ava bit her lip as she stared into his eyes. She held up her right hand. On the middle finger was the massive amethyst ring he'd given her. "It wasn't purchased within the last day, so I figured it would pass as the something old. Besides, it's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever bought for me. And I want you to know, Sig, that you'll always have a part of my heart. I'll never stop loving you," she whispered.

Before Sig could answer, Tara and Jake appared.

"Mind if I steal my bride?" Jake smiled at the two of them.

Sig's hands dropped from her waist and he turned to Tara. "Are you ready to go?"

His eyes swept over Ava once more. "As ready as I'll ever be. Ava, you look so, so beautiful today. Congratulations - to the both of you. I'll see you in a week and a half, Jake."

And Ava watched Sig walk away. Jake's arms wrapped around her waist.

"Are you excited for Tahiti?"

She could only nod her head. She feared that if she'd talk, her voice would betray her. Sig was walking away from her tonight. She'd leave for her honeymoon and come back and he'd try his best to stay away from her. He had to let her live her life with Jake now. Yet he knew that there was no possible way to let her go. He'd love that woman forever. Sig liked to think of Ava as his, and he wondered if she knew that he was hers.

Once in his truck, Sig turned to Tara. "So, that Penn State hat. Andy said a few weeks ago that he lost his. A fan gave it to him. White with the blue Nittany Lion emblem? I found it downstairs along with a shirt that doesn't belong to me. We have a little less than two years, and then I'm done. The girls will be over 18, legally free adults."

Tara tried to interrupt him, but he held up his hand. "You've made it very clear to me that you do not need me anymore. Don't say another word to me."

Of course, Tara was never one to sit back and shut up. "I saw the way you looked at her, today," she whispered out the window. "You used to look at me like that. She is beautiful. Think you'll be okay with her spending her life with Jake?"

"It was me who set the two of them up." It was all Sig revealed. It didn't tell Tara that he was in love with Ava.

Tara laughed bitterly. "Something tells me it'll be you who could break them up, too. Think the two of us will ever get what we want?"

Sig shook his head. "I don't want her," he lied. 'I need her,' he thought to himself.

"I've lived with you for over a decade. I can see right through you," she tried to call him out.

Sig sighed and looked over at Tara. "Tara, you obviously never saw the real me, then."

_Childhood living is easy to do_  
_The things that you wanted_  
_I bought them for you_  
_Graceless lady you know who I am_  
_You know I can't let you slide through my hands_  
_Wild horses couldn't drag me away_  
_Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away_

* * *

To say that the flight to Tahiti from Seattle's airport was hellacious was the understatement of the decade. In fact, Ava thought that it probably would have been easier to fly down to L.A. and pick up a plane to fly to Australia. The first of three flights took them from Seattle to L.A., then from L.A. to Papeete, on the island of Tahiti where they endured a six hour layover before heading off to Bora Bora. When all was said and done, it took them eighteen hours to get to Bora Bora.

However, when their personal concierge escorted the newly married couple from the lobby over the narrow wooden walk-way to their over-water bungalow, all was forgiven. They were surrounded by water so crystal clear, the small boats for room service requests seemed to float in air. Schools of fish swam about, creating an ever-chaning color palette.

"So, we're not going to be leaving this room at all, are we?" Jake asked with a huge grin.

Ava shook her head, shaking out all thoughts of Sig for the next week and a half. "I don't think so!"

Their wedding truly had been beautiful. The weather was perfect, not humid at all and a clear sky with a bright moon. It was everything she wanted her wedding day to be. Jake had gazed at her all day as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

Laying next to Jake with no covers on, illuminated by the full moon that lit up the lagoon, Ava gazed at Jake as if she had never seen him before. Her husband was gorgeous. The moonlight bounced of his baby blue eyes, still heavy with lust, and she had to bite her lip. His chest was well-defined and lean, his arms strong from his weeks at sea. His thick brown hair hung in his eyes when he rolled over to her again.

Through the open windows and sliding glass door, the sounds of the South Pacific filtered in. Jake kissed her face and neck.

"I love you so much Ava. I swear I'll be the best husband ever. I'll never hurt you, I'll give you whatever you want. You're the only woman who never made fun of me for being so close to my family or my sister. You make me feel... You just - Thank you. For everything you've done."

It wasn't the first time Jake poured his heart out to Ava. Her sweet, sweet Jake.

"Jake, I love you, too. You don't know it, but you saved me and gave me my life. I promise to never hurt you and always be here for you. Anything you want, I'll give it to you. I'd do anything for you. You are, by far, the sweetest, most loving and caring man I've ever met. And there's nobody on this planet that I'd rather share the rest of my life with."

In the end, Ava wondered why she thought she couldn't recite personal vows? It was her Jake. And she was his Ava. And she was determined to keep it that way forever.

_I watched you suffer a dull aching pain_  
_Now you decided to show me the same_  
_No sweeping exits or offstage lines_  
_Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind_  
_Wild horses couldn't drag me away_  
_Wild, wild horses couldn't drag me away_

All Lyrics - "Wild Horses" - The Rolling Stones


	25. Chapter 24: Pushing To Self Destruction

A/N: Well, this is it. Finally, the beginning of the end! Two or three chapters left after this, and my marathon will be over. Thank you everyone who has stuck with me for this long, it's truly appreciated. Enjoy.

Chapter 24: Pushing Us Into Self Destruction

Something wasn't right with Jake.

It all started when they returned from the South Pacific, all tanned and, presumably more in love than ever before. The months leading up to her wedding, Ava was successful in her attempt to keep Sig as far away as possible. With the exception, of course, of his late night visit two days before the ceremony. Ava was able to, in a week and a half, convince herself that it was Jake she loved. It was true, of course. She did love Jake. And she would now have to live the rest of her life devoted to him, just as he was to her.

Those thoughts were quickly put out after just a few days of being back home in Seattle. When the Harris brothers invited Jake to go out one night, Ava immediately became excited. She enjoyed going out with them. Jake, however...

"Well," he started, not looking at her in the eyes, "would it be okay if it was just a guy thing tonight? Josh kind of asked me about this before we left for Tahiti, and it would be nice to hang with the guys for a little."

When her husband looked her in the eyes, she could see the uncertainty and guilt in his eyes. How could she be angry with him? She agreed, but took her frustration out on Josh Harris who, up until this point, she had considered a good friend.

The next Wednesday, Jake kissed her on the head, grabbed his truck keys and bee-lined for the door of their apartment.

"Where are you going?" Ava asked, closing her laptop and taking her glasses off.

Jake stopped and spun around, again avoiding eye contact with her. "Oh, Edgar wanted me to help him with a few things on the boat."

Ava crossed her arms. "Edgar is in California with his wife and kids, I thought?"

Now Jake laughed and quickly blurted out "I meant Norman. I'm not used to working just with Norman. I guess I'm just used to saying 'Edgar needs me to do this'... That might not be a good thing."

Ava nodded as he came closer to her.

"Do you want to go to dinner tomorrow night, maybe with Josh and Jake?"

A peace offering.

Now she shook her head, blonde hair falling over her shoulders. "How about just us two?"

Jake kissed her cheek. "That'll work, too."

Another odd thing - Sig now communicated with her almost entirely by email or text message. It had been at least three, almost four weeks since she had heard his voice.

And so, for four weeks in a row, Ava sat home alone on Monday and Wednesday nights.

The fifth week, Ava was determined to go out on her own. Her husband was able to go out with friends, so why should she sit at home?

She got into her beloved shiny red BMW and took off towards Sig's house. Maybe it was time to confront her boss. Traffic was a nightmare, naturally, as it was rush hour and people were trying to escape the city and head home to the suburbs. When Ava finally reached her destination, she noted that Tara's car wasn't next to Sig's white pick-up.

'Perfect,' she thought, parking the car, straightening her tank top and pushing her sunglasses to sit atop her head.

She bounded up the door and rang the doorbell. It took a minute or two, but Sig finally opened the heavy red front door and stared, open-mouthed.

"And here I thought I'd be the one who'd cave first."

Ava furrowed her eyebrows. "Cave first?"

Sig leaned against the door and crossed his arms. "I thought you were ignoring me," he sighed.

"And I thought you were trying to cut me out or something," Ava countered. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Sig smiled, opening the door wide enough so she could step in. He supposed it was just an old habit to take a deep breath in when she walked past. He knew exactly how she'd smell - tropical, but not coconut, shampoo, and of her signature perfume - Chance. He knew because he bought her a bottle twice a year. Once for Christmas, and once for her birthday in June. It worked out perfectly - she'd never be without her favorite and he could memorize her scent.

Just her scent alone made him long to reach out and touch her. He'd settle for her hand. Anything.

Ever since the fight he and Tara had gotten in on the way home from her wedding, he hadn't touched a female. And now his woman of choice was standing in his living room, wearing a white tank top and jean shorts and looking like sin.

She turned to face him and sighed, raising her shoulders high and dropping them. "Jake's out. Again."

Now Sig looked confused. "What do you mean 'again'?"

He headed out towards the patio, which he knew was her favorite place to be during summer evenings. Sure enough, the setting sun played on the lake and even more so on the sky, staining it deep pinks and reds.

"I mean - first, do you have a bottle of wine open or anything?" she asked. "I'll get it if -"

Sig jumped up and motioned for her to sit back down on the Adirondack chair. "No, no. I'll get it. I think Tara's got Cabernet open."

Ava smiled at him. "Perfect. And don't be shy on filling it."

When the patio door closed, Ava took her sunglasses off her head and placed them on the glass table beside her and ran her fingers through her hair. Looking out onto the lake, she couldn't stop herself from envisioning her life if she lived here, with Sig. True, her life would be completely different. It was what she traded her life for though, and it was what she'd have to live with.

Sig saw her shoulders sink when he closed the door. Her bright green eyes were dim. Her hair was flat, and her usually tan skin looked a bit pale. She looked nothing like herself. Ava and summer just went together - she was normally very tan, her hair streaked with highlights and her eyes glittered. It was nearing the end of summer now, and she looked like winter.

Seeing her sitting on the patio made him wish that things between them didn't end up how they were now. He wished in his heart of hearts that he could keep her here with him. The past month with Tara had been hell - she completely shut him out.

He shook his head and made his way back out to the patio, wine in one hand, a Corona in the other.

His offering earned him a huge, blinding white smile. "Thanks."

Cracking open his beer, he said, "Okay, finish that thought. What do you mean by 'again'?"

Ava took a sip of her wine and smiled briefly. Tara sure knew how to spend money on good wine. "I mean he just disappears during the week with the Harris brothers, or down to the dock."

"That's a fisherman's life. He's got the girl, how he doesn't have anything to worry about."

Ava sat up a bit. "That's not fair, though."

"Why not? You obviously love him enough to sacrifice your time with him between being home and at sea. He's got his wife, his health, so now he can take a deep breath and continue being a twenty year old. All young guys do this."

A gentle breeze ruffled her hair and she let out a sigh. "It's just that, before, he wanted me to go everywhere with him. And now it's just excuse after excuse. Sometimes I want him to just tell me he wants to go alone. That would be better than a different excuse every other day."

He looked over at her. "He goes out that much?"

"Maybe twice a week, three times at the most. It's usually always with Josh and Jake. And not that I have anything against them, I just thought that they liked to hang out with me, too. Now, I'm not so sure. Maybe I was nice to look at before I got married?"

Sig laughed. "Definitely not true. Although you do look a little paler than normal..."

Now Ava laughed. "You always did love to flatter me."

"Is he out right now?"

Ava nodded. "He left around five."

The fell into a strained silence. The sun set, and soft lights came on around the patio. Crickets filled the silence and Ava sat back in the wooden chair and sipped her wine. Every once in a while, she'd glance over at Sig who was looking out over the lake. He looked younger, she thought idly.

Not breaking his gaze on the lake, he gritted out "Tara tried to call me out about you and I on the way home from your reception."

One sentence and all of the air left her lungs. "What did you tell her?" she said, nervously taking another sip of wine.

"I didn't agree with her but I didn't disagree. But she didn't argue, or yell or anything. I did find Andy Hillstrand's Penn State hat in our living room the day before your wedding. So she probably has her own skeleton's in her closet."

Ava's jaw fell open. "Andy and Tara?"

Sig nodded, looking over at her. "But the funny thing was, when I told her about finding Andy's hat, she laughed over my accusation. Hell, we both accused each other of cheating and neither of us confirmed or denied it. How fucked up is that?"

Ava chuckled. "Pretty."

"I'd never apologize to her, though. What he have - had," he quickly corrected himself, "was the best couple of years in my life. No regrets."

"No regrets," she echoed. And that much was true. Why lie to Sig? It wouldn't do her any good. Sig gave her her life in Seattle. And she would always love him for that.

"So," Ava began slowly, "will she be leaving you, then?"

Sig finished his beer and answered, "Yes, after the girls are both eighteen. Just a year or two now. She'll get a nice sum of money, probably take them back to Sweden. I guess my parents were right - never trust a Swedish or Finnish girl."

"What's back in Sweden?" asked Ava.

He held up a finger and grabbed her glass. "Be right back."

Sig pushed open the door again, being blasted with a wave of cool air from his home. He raced to the kitchen, poured Ava another glass of Cabernet, grabbed another beer from the fridge and made his way back outside.

"Tara's children, as you know, are not my own," Sig began, opening his beer and lighting a cigarette. "Her ex-husband left her after he discovered her cheating on him. With me."

Ava nearly choked on his wine. "You mean to tell me that cheating is normal for you!" she practically shouted.

"No!" Sig shouted back. "I mean to tell you that lying is Tara's forte. She met me in an airport, wearing no ring. She told me that her divorce was finalized. I knew about her daughters. When someone tells you a divorce is done, you pretty much believe them. Not that woman, however. I told her my job, and she immediately tried to win me. Didn't take much. I mean, hell, I'm a fisherman and no woman is going to blindly be in a relationship with me let alone marry me when I'm home for a quarter of the year. I was just tired of being alone, I guess. I see Edgar with his wife and kids - Leah's great, by the way, nothing against her. Norman's always wanted to be left alone, so it's no surprise he's single. But I did want a wife. And Tara needed money. But I didn't know that until a few years into the marriage."

Sig's revelation left Ava reeling. It was no wonder Sig latched onto her and showered her with money, gifts, love. He put up with bullshit for a decade. He could read women with perfect ease, and he knew that Ava really did care about him.

"Tara never appreciated anything I bought for her. Never appreciated this home. But you always did. And still do. Letting people know about us was never my biggest fear, you know that. The media was always the biggest set-back. Everyone in my life loves you. They see the way we are together. Were, I mean," he whispered, putting his head down. "I knew in the end you'd marry Jake. I just wanted you to be happy. I fucked up enough in my life, I wanted to make something right for a change. But I couldn't even do that right. I let you down, and I hurt you. I'm so sorry."

"I didn't come here for an apology, Sig," she whispered into her wine glass.

"You deserve one, Ava. I shouldn't have thrown you into a relationship like I did. It was wrong, and I'm sorry I did that to you."

Ava shook her head. "It's fine, Sig. Really, it is. I'll be okay. I just think that I'm lonely with Jake being out because, well... Before it was always me making excuses to not see him to be with you. And now he's doing the same..." she trailed off.

"When you were with me, he was probably out with Ding and Dong. So now that you live together, and we don't see each other anymore, it's just different for you. And like I said, he just wants to go out now. Nothing to be scared of."

"I didn't say I was scared," she countered. "Should I be?"

Sig shrugged. "You trust him, you married him. Then again, I trusted Tara when she said her divorce was final, and I found out the truth about that on our third anniversary."

She set her glass down and shivered. Checking her watch, she realized it had been almost two hours since she left her apartment. No calls or texts from Jake, either.

"I do trust him. I just know how many times I lied to him to be with you, and how many excuses I made. And I hear the same excuses coming from his mouth."

When Sig didn't say anything, she stood up and started to pace. "It's every Monday and Wednesday he goes out. At least you and I constantly changed the day we'd meet. If anything, it's -"

Sig cut her off. "What days did you just say?"

"Monday and Wednesday," Ava repeated, dragging her hands through her hair. "Why?"

"Tara gets her nails done every Wednesday by a 'close friend' in Medina and on Monday she has book club at night over in Bellevue."

Ava stopped and pointed her finger at Sig. "Was this your idea all along? To play it off that Jake's always out, and then feed me lies about where your own wife, or should I say ex-wife now?, goes when she's not at home with you?"

"Ava, no!" Sig yelled, now standing up to face her. "I'm just telling you, for the past three weeks, this has been her weekly routine. She'll get back around nine at night."

"Oh," Ava visibly relaxed. "Jake doesn't get home until well after midnight."

"So I need to watch him up in Dutch, then? He's back to drinking again?"

Ava threw her hands up in the air. "You said you were sorry, and I believed you, and now you're trying to plant ridiculous thoughts in my head that my husband is cheating on me not even a half a year into our marriage and try to tell me my husband is an alcoholic?"

"No, that's not what I -"

"Not what you meant, huh? I'm leaving," she seethed and gathered her belongings and stormed across the kitchen, down the hall and to the front door.

Before she could yank it open, Sig caught her by the waist and turned her around. She hit her head against the solid door and winced, it hurt.

"I'm not accusing him of anything. I'm just... Just trying to talk to you. I missed you, Ava. I miss you every day. This is the first time I've seen you since your reception. I can't stand being away from you anymore."

His breath was hot on her face and she had to close her eyes. The last thing she needed to see with two rather full glasses of wine in her system were the navy eyes of Sig Hansen, clouded with lust.

"Please don't do this," she begged. "Let me go back to my apartment."

"Promise me you'll at least call me and stop by from time to time. Don't cut me out of your life."

At this moment, she'd promise him anything just to get away from the close proximity of his body. Damn him for smelling like he always does - ocean, chocolate and cigarettes. She opened her mouth to breath and quickly answered, "I promise."

And just like that, he let her go. She fled his home and jogged out to her car. Starting it, she backed out of the long driveway and sped off into the night, heart racing all the while, praying that she had the strength in her to not turn around and go back running into Sig's arms.

She didn't want to go back to her apartment and sit around by herself, so she drove. Through Bellevue and Medina and back across the 520 bridge, down scenic back roads and returning to the city. The night air was warm and humid and felt great in her hair with her convertible top down.

Ava didn't even pay attention to the clock. She returned home a little after nine, and Jake came waltzing through the door about a half hour after her. His hair was mussed and his shirt wrinkled.

"Bar fight?" she guessed.

Jake jumped nearly a mile in the air when he heard her voice from behind him. "How'd you guess?"

"Look at you," she laughed.

"Apparently Jake Harris likes to run his mouth a little too much."

"Ah," she nodded.

He brushed past her and headed into the bathroom. When he emerged twenty minutes and a shower later, he didn't have a shirt on.

"I'm going to bed," he announced.

Drinking in the sight of her husband, she smiled coyly at him. "Want me to join you?"

Jake's eyes widened and his face flushed. "Oh, um, no - I'm good. I'm really tired. I just want to get some sleep."

Ava plopped back down on the couch and put her head in her hands. She knew that look, and she knew the excuses. But not Jake. Not her Jake.

For the rest of summer and early September, like clockwork, Jake would leave on Monday and Wednesday nights. And after he'd leave, Ava would hop into her red BMW, stop by the store for a bottle of Cabernet, and show up on Sig's front steps, tears in her eyes. Half a bottle into the night, she would start to relax. Sig never brought up his suspicion again, and Ava never offered him an explanation as to where her husband was. Instead, they talked about themselves. In the course of a few weeks, Ava was given a history lesson on crab fishing, of Sig's heritage. Meanwhile, Sig would listen while Ava re-accounted her college days, her parents' plans for her life and her childhood. Between the two of them, it was just little details that they never bothered to learn about each other while they were together.

Ava began to look at Sig, her former lover, as a new friend. And her closest confidant. Sig would be lying if he said he didn't think the same.

She always brought her laptop with her, just in case someone would stop by and wonder why Ava was sitting, alone with her boss, late at night. It was a good thing she did, because one Monday Tara came home early. Ava quickly opened her laptop and the pair pretended to work. Whether Tara believed it or not, Ava did not care. The more she thought of Tara, the more she started to despise her. She knew that Tara did not care for her, either.

Unable to stop the inevitable, King crab season snuck up on all of them. Jake looked at her with sad eyes and held her closer through the night. Sig became even more short-tempered.

That cool fall day at the dock, Ava hugged Sig goodbye and saw Tara glare at her. "Keep them safe... And keep him safer for me."

Jake picked her up and spun her around. "I'll be back before you know it, beautiful. I miss you already."

Ava kissed him gently and hugged him, "I love you, Jake."

"I love you too, Ava."

When they parted, she heard Tara's heels clicking behind her. "Hey, Jake," she started, "I found this cleaning the other day. You must have forgot it at a meeting at our house or something," she said with a smile.

Ava's stomach lurched. It was a white Penn State hat. Her head snapped up to look at Sig, who was standing next to Jake.

"Oh, Andy's hat! I guess I can finally give it back to him since I stole it at the end of Opies last year. Thanks, Tara. I thought I lost it!"

It was too late to argue, too late to fight. Tara gave one last hug to Sig and hopped over the side of the rail, helped down by Leah. Sig saw the desperation in her eyes and looked away.

'Not Andy's hat, Jake's hat,' she screamed in her head. 'Jake had the hat... That Sig found in his living room while he was with me at my apartment, alone with him, the day before the wedding.'

Without another word, Ava turned to step off the ship. Leah helped her off and she shrugged her off.

"Ah... It's okay, Ava. Leaving a husband is a lot harder than boyfriend or fiancee, right?"

Ava nodded, trying to keep the bile from rising up in her throat.

'Not Andy's hat. Jake's hat. Jake's hat, found by Sig in his living room, with just Tara alone in the house,' her mind continued to race. 'Every Monday and Wednesday. All of the excuses.'

Of all the questions that raced through her head, one stuck out the most: How long?

Controlling my feelings far too long  
Forcing our darkest souls to unfold  
And pushing us into self destruction  
They make me, make me dream your dreams  
They make me, make me scream your screams  
"Showbiz" - Muse


	26. Chapter 25: Hopes We Cherished Fade

Chapter 25: Hopes We Cherished Fade

A/N: I literally cannot get over the fact that after this there's only two more parts to be written. Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews. I can't believe the amounts of visitors I had in the month of December - 398. And close to 1,000 hits. Thank you, everyone. Enjoy the latest chapter. Happy New Year to you and yours. I also hope that you all had an enjoyable holiday season.

The ironic aspect of Ava's situation is that she couldn't bring herself to be mad at Jake. She felt sick to her stomach, betrayed and hurt, but she would be the biggest hypocrite on the planet to be mad at him. True, she wanted nothing more than to drive to Sig's house and push Tara into the lake in the back, but that would just look too obvious. Now not only was she missing her (ex?) lover as well as her husband of just a few months, but she had no one to turn to.

'Karma,' she thought to herself, 'really is a bitch.'

Part of her knew she had to confess everything to Jake. The other part just wanted to call him out on it and keep her and Sig's secret just that - a secret. She could pretend to be upset with Jake, throw him out. Or, she could call him out, be upset and then confess the past three years of her life. The latter would only hurt Jake, and, Lord help her, she could not bring herself to hurt him.

Telling him the truth would more than likely destroy him. Of course, he'd been cheating on her with Tara, but he had no clue about her and Sig. Why further damage Jake's perception of reality? He'd lost his sister, his dad was clinically depressed and addicted to pain killers and he was a borderline recovering alcoholic.

Tears formed in her eyes. This was all her fault. And Sig's, too. If he just would have gotten rid of Tara and never pushed her and Jake together! Her and Jake's wedding portrait hanging above the faux fireplace caught her eye. The tears spilled out and she openly sobbed. Her shoulders shook and she finally let everything out. She cried for her - her past, college life, parents, her feelings towards Sig. She cried for Jake - why couldn't she be strong enough to just tell Sig no and live her life with Jake? She cried for the fact that everything revolved around Sig.

'Maybe,' she thought bitterly, 'when you finally realize who your life revolves around you should also realize that you are totally and irreversibly in love with him.'

Outside, the fall rain and wind whipped through the city of Seattle. The weather matched her mood.

Hours later, when Ava finally emptied herself of tears, she sat on her sofa, numb to the world.

After her internal debate, she finally decided: No more lies. If she knew the truth of Tara and him, then he deserved to know the truth of Sig and her.

Naturally her plan was short-lived. Her cell phone interrupted her thoughts.

"Hello?" she tried her best to hide her shaking voice.

"Ava," it was Jake's mother, "Charlie is missing."

xXXxXXxXXxXXxXXxXXx

Booking a flight for Seattle to Dutch Harbor (via Anchorage, naturally), was easy. Actually getting your connecting flight from Anchorage to Dutch Harbor was another battle in and of itself. There were roughly a dozen flights scheduled to depart that Thursday that Ava flew up to meet her husband at Dutch Harbor, a total surprise. Of the dozen, only two made it out and landed in Dutch.

Ava was not one of those lucky people to successfully land. Instead, she spent roughly six hours in the airport before she was finally buckled in on her flight, heart hammering in her chest, waiting for the small turbo prop plane to take off.

Julie had called the ship to inform Jake of his father's mysterious disappearance. Ava opted to fly up to Dutch to be with him, and to try to start sorting out the mess that was her life. With the exception of Julie, nobody knew Ava was flying up to meet him.

If she thought taking off was terrifying, landing was a down right nightmare. From the sky, it looked like the runway was only a hundred feet long. She sucked in her breath, closed her eyes and silently professed her love to Jake. The plane slammed down to the ground, hard, and sputtered forward a few times before she heard the wind rush over the aircraft, and came to an abrupt stop. Alive, thankfully, she grabbed her purse and waited for her turn to stop off the plane. In the airport, she grabbed her small bag and hopped in one of ten taxies waiting for arriving flights.

"Where to, miss?"

"The docks," she replied shortly.

The mighty Northwestern was already docked and she smiled to herself. Everything would be out in the open soon and then she'd be able to sleep at night.

"Ava!" Josh Harris rounded a corner and nearly gave Ava a heart attack. "What are you doing here?" he laughed, giving her a hug.

"Surprising Jake," Ava explained. "Do you know if they're still on the boat?"

"Um, yeah, I think so," Josh said, running a hand through his hair.

"Great, thanks. I gotta get going, I'll see you around?"

Josh nodded. "Sounds good."

Just a few hundred feet, and she saw Jake. He waved wildly at her and she saw his smile. She smiled, too.

"What are you doing here!" he shouted, helping her over the rail.

"Surprise!" Ava grinned, throwing her arms around him and hugging him hard. She didn't care that he smelled of cigarettes, sweat and fish.

Before he could kiss her, the galley door swung open. "What's all this commotion about?"

Sig.

Ava kept her arms around Jake. Sig looked as if he saw a ghost. "Ava?"

"Captain."

Sig was a smart man. When he saw Ava on deck, her long blonde hair being whipped around by the fierce and chilly wind, he knew instantly that she was here to talk to the three of them, without the opportunity for the press and media to be present like they always were in Seattle. What she didn't know was the talks that he and Tara had had while at sea. The real reason of the hat. Ava was already trying to tear the young deckhand off the boat and back to the hotel.

He couldn't do anything to stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life.

"C'mon, Jakey," Ava smiled up at her husband, "Let's go. You can do the counts for Opies in a few months. I missed you!"

Jake shrugged his shoulders, turned to Sig and replied, "See you tomorrow, boss. I wouldn't mind having her meet me here after the end of each season!"

And before he could protest, they were gone.

When the pair finally reached the hotel, Jake jumped in the shower and proceeded to use all of the small toiletries that were provided. He emerged, dressed in sweats, his hair still dripping wet. Jake grinned sheepishly at her and crawled up the bed to lay by her side.

"I missed you."

Ava grabbed his hand. "I missed you, too. What the hell happened to your hand?" she shouted, sitting up. The panic swept over her face immediately.

"Cod knife," was his short answer.

xXXxXXxXXxXXxXXxXXx

Meanwhile, back on the docks, Sig jogged down to the Cornelia Maria, barged on in and raced up the steep stairs to corner its Captain.

"She thinks that he's been cheating on her with Tara!" Sig stage whispered.

Phil Harris blew a puff of smoke from his lips and put his head down. "This is still going on?" he ground out. "You know, the brief time Anderson was on my ship, all he could talk about was his wife. It was sickening, really. He loves her."

Sig let himself fall into a chair opposite of Phil. "Yeah, no shit."

Phil looked over at Sig. "Did you know she was coming up here?"

Sig shook his head. "She did that all on her own."

"Brave girl, dealing with those damn prop planes." Phil propped his feet up and reclined back in his chair, resting his hands behind his head. His cigarette was still smoking away in its ashtray.

Sig could only grunt in agreement. "Ava just showed up at the rail. I heard Jake shout and start laughing and I heard a girl's voice and I just knew... The look in her eyes, man. She's going to call him out on it and, knowing her, she won't be able to not tell Jake about her and I."

"Why's this bad? Don't you think after three years it should be out in the open?" Phil asked sincerely.

The captain of the Northwestern could feel his blood start to boil. "Jake never cheated! It was ligit, he was out with your boys. When Tara's car broke down she couldn't take the girls to get their dresses before their wedding, and since I was with Ava, Jake was the one who helped my family."

Phil looked at Sig like he wasn't buying the story. "And who told you this?"

"Tara."

"Ah."

The two captains were silent for quite a while. Finally, Sig figured it out. "You don't believe it?"

"Hell no," Phil laughed. He sat forward to light a new smoke and inhaled deeply. "She's lied to you before, why would now be any different? I think it's part of a greater plan."

Sig really did not want to believe this. But after years of Tara not giving a damn about him, lying to him - why shouldn't he expect this?

Of course, by telling Sig that there wasn't an affair between herself and Jake, Tara would ensure that Ava's mind would be put at ease by Sig. Then, when everyone is back home for the summer, the four of them could pick up just where they left off.

Or... Tara told him this in order to sabotage both Jake and Ava's relationship as well as Sig and Ava's relationship. By Tara telling Sig there was no affair, Sig would tell Ava. Ava wouldn't believe Sig, saying there was far too much evidence and confront Jake. They would fight and argue, and Ava would turn around and blame Sig.

"I take it you understand?" Phil asked quietly.

Resting his head in his hands, Sig let out a frustrated scream.

xXXxXXxXXxXXxXXxXXx

After Jake's recollection of the cod knife incident, he grinned and told Ava "And that was the least of my worries for this trip. Sig and Phil switched Jake Harris and me."

Ava cocked her head to the side. "But you came back on the Northwestern?"

"Yeah," Jake laughed, blue eyes lighting up. "After Edgar had to fish me out of the sea."

Ava sat straight up and started screaming. "Sig did WHAT to you? Why would he do that? You could have been killed, what the hell was he thinking?"

"Calm down, Ava," Jake tried to soothe her nerves. "I'm fine. It was the most valuable lesson I got. Phil and the guys on the Cornelia taught me new tricks. And I learned that the Bering Sea is nothing to be messed with after spending fifteen minutes in it."

This did nothing to calm Ava down. Was this some sick joke that Sig tried to pull on Ava? Was she even meant to hear this story?

And like he was reading her thoughts, "It'll look great on TV."

She playfully punched his arm. "Not funny."

"So, really, why are you here?" Jake asked, taking her into his arms.

Immediately her heart started to hammer in her chest.

"Well, it's two-fold, really," Ava started. She was absently playing with a few strings of the comforter on the bed.

"First, about your dad -"

Jake interrupted her. "My mom called and told me last night. When I get back home I'm going to start putting some serious ads in the paper, the news and try to use some of the fame or whatever to start a search for him. We'll find him, I'm sure of it."

Ava nodded. His father had been missing now for only two weeks. There was still hope, but Ava knew that each passing day it grew less and less. She didn't want to upset Jake. There wasn't even a lead on the missing man.

"What's the other reason?"

What better way than to go right into it?

"I know about you and Tara. The Penn State hat? Tara was home alone that night. Sig didn't get home until well after four-"

And then she stopped, her mouth snapping shut.

'You idiot!' she screamed. 'You just gave it all away, you total moron! Why didn't you think about how to tell him without bringing Sig into it and what time he got back home?'

"...Sig told me that he was out with Johnathan that night. And how do you know what time he got back home?"

Ava was quiet, and she looked down at her hands in her lap.

"Ava..." Jake's voice broke. "How do you know that?"

"Why was that hat at Sig and Tara's house?" she countered.

Jake laughed, rather sarcastically. "I was over at their house in the afternoon to take the girls out to get their dresses for our wedding. Tara's car wasn't working and Sig wasn't home. I forgot it on the coffee table, along with my flannel shirt. After I dropped them off, I went out for my bachelor party. Now," he continued, "how do you know about Sig not getting home until late?"

'Don't lie, tell the truth,' she chanted. 'He deserves to know the truth.'

"Because he was at my apartment that night."

Jake's arms fell away from her as if she were burning him. "Do I even want to know why? Can I put two and two together here, or is there some sort of elaborate story that I should know?"

She could only shake her head. "You guessed right."

He let out a heavy sigh, running his fingers through his hair. And then he jumped up and started pacing. "How long? When did it start? Why did it start? How..." he stopped, his sky blue eyes filled with tears, "How could you do this to me?"

And just like that, Ava's heart broke and she started sobbing. She hoped that he could understand her through her blubbering, she really didn't feel like explaining it multiple times.

"I met Sig right after I graduated college. Friends of mine went to UW and I flew out to Seattle for a long weekend. I met Sig at a bar. We hooked up," she started crying even harder. "I was supposed to go to law school, but he offered me my job. I moved out here and we started our affair. It's been going on ever since... Well, before you and I even met."

Jake flew to her and grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. "Why?" he roared. "You lied to me from the very start! Do you even love me?"

"Yes!" she wailed. "You are everything that I should ever want in a man. You are so wonderful, Jake. I love you. So much. Please believe that."

Her answers still weren't good enough, and she knew it. Nothing would ever be good enough. "Why did you agree to marry me? You went through with it, too."

"I told you, I love you! You and I are so good together."

"But we're not perfect, right? You said that I'm everything you want. Am I everything you need?"

Her immediate reaction was to blurt out no, but was she ready to throw the ultimate betrayal at him? He'd divorce her, that she was sure of.

Ava looked at her husband, the tears flowing freely down both of their faces. He was beautiful. Jake Anderson was all man: Strong arms and a finely muscled back, strong jaw bone and thick hair. His voice made her smile. When he smiled, she smiled. His eyes were the most intense sky blue she'd ever seen. He was kind, gentle and loving. He'd do anything for her and for his family. Jake was fully prepared to take care of not only Ava, but his family as well. He should be everything she wanted - and needed. But if, by some miracle, he forgave her, she knew in her heart of hearts that Sig Hansen was already buried too deep in her heart to let it go. It would take years of practice, and more than likely stepping down from her job, but she would be willing to try to stop seeing Sig all together. Would Jake go for it?

Apparently, her internal thoughts were also vocalized. She never knew when to shut her mouth when she was upset.

"I will forgive you, Ava," he started.

Ava let out a small laugh - was it too good to be true?

"In time."

It was.

"I'll eventually forgive you - and Sig," he added, "but not for a long while. If you and I stay married, and I stay working on the ship, there's no way I'll be able to function. Our entire relationship, and my marriage, would be based off a lie. I can't forget that. Ever."

Ava shook her head. This wasn't happening.

"I believe you when you tell me you love me. But if you truly were in love with me, and wanted and needed me like I need you, you would have cut whatever was going on with you and Sig a long time ago. You may have been able to trick yourself into believing it, but I can't fool myself."

"Jake, please-" she started.

"No!" he shouted. "I loved you, unconditionally and with all of my heart. The love I have for you is obviously not the same love you have for me."

"That's not true-" he stopped her again.

"It is true! Don't you see? If you loved me the way I loved you, this never would have happened."

"And we never would have met!"

"Ava," Jake said softly, "that still doesn't erase the fact that our relationship started off with you lying to me. And my family. And the crew, our friends. Sig's family."

Ava hung her head in shame. "I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, ever. I love you, I hope you believe me when I tell you that. I fought with myself over even telling you this and just telling Sig that he and I were done. But... When Sig told me that he found that hat, he thought it was Andy's. And then Tara gave it to you before you left for Dutch. I thought... I thought you were having an affair with her!"

Jake laughed. "Not even close."

She didn't say anything.

"Your conscience just got the best of you," he explained.

She nodded. A heavy silence stretched between the two.

Jake sat next to her, but did not look at her. Ava stared at him as if he would vanish before her eyes.

Finally, she spoke. "What are we going to do from here?"

He let out another sigh. "You, Sig and myself are going to talk. When we get back to Seattle..."

Ava held her breath.

"...I'm going to get my stuff and move back in with my mom. Tell her that I want to be there while dad's away. You and I will try dates or whatever. But if I can't get over this, I'm not going to be in a loveless marriage. You know?"

Divorce. After being married for just short of four months. Thousands of dollars wasted. Two hearts, shattered. One life ruined because of her.

Ava nodded numbly. "Do you want to talk to Sig tomorrow?"

"Nope," Jake hopped up from the bed, grabbing his winter coat. "You and I are going over there before the two of you can chat behind my back. I want this sprung on him just like this was sprung on me."

Although he didn't yell at her, somehow those words hurt her more than their impending divorce. Why would Jake stay with her? She was an awful person. She never hated herself more than at this moment in time. When she looked at Jake, her sweet Jake, her heart broke all over again. Their eyes met and she started to cry silent tears.

"I know," he whispered.

"Know what?"

"It hurts me, too. To hurt you, I never wanted that. I know you didn't want to hurt me."

He held out his arms and she rushed into him, holding onto him for fear of him letting her go.

I can't remember when it was good

Moments of happiness elude

Maybe I just misunderstood

All of the love we left behind

Watching the flashbacks interwind

Memories I will never find

So I'll love whatever you become

And forget the reckless things we've done

I think our lives have just begun

I think our lives have just begun

"Falling Away With You" - Muse


End file.
